tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48606085923586981622024-03-13T12:24:42.087-07:00Handful O'LandfillIt was the best of times. It was the worst of cards.Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.comBlogger85125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-33450687098442740622014-05-23T13:26:00.000-07:002014-05-23T13:26:17.668-07:00'Waterloo,' By APBAOhmigosh. I have been gone <i>forever.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve been writing this column for almost four years (not
this particular column; it just seems like it), and it didn’t strike me until
today that this is essentially a chronicle of perpetual and perpetuated failure
coated with a veneer of snark ‘n’ giggles. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Look at the survivors left standing – okay, <i>swaying</i> – in the trading-card business; based
on their healthy pallor they could pass for the cast of <i>The</i> <i>Cabinet of Dr. Caligari</i>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Somewhere in amongst these nearly fallen flags is the
sports-game manufacturer APBA. I can’t call APBA dead yet, because there is
still an APBA company turning out game cards for a dwindling number of
baby-boomed traditionalists and electronics deniers, but APBA ain’t exactly
cracking off 4.4 40-yard dashes and scoring 7 on the Wonderlic. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If we follow the logic of a previous column where we
compared card sets to cars, APBA’s trading cards are the International Scout
and Travelall. These vehicles weren’t really cars, because they were made by a
truck-‘n’-tractor company and looked it (the outsides were designed with a
T-square and the insides featured the unmistakably luxurious touch and texture
of painted metal, with accents of opulent cream-colored plastic), and they
weren’t really trucks the way International made TRUCKS. They were bastard
children, ahead of their time in one respect and belonging to no time in
another respect. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They’re also basically indestructible. You remember those
Nissan commercials of a couple of years ago that had Nissan Frontiers doing
patently impossible things, like pushing a dune buggy up a gigantic sand hill and
serving as a surrogate landing gear for a 747? If Nissan had used an
International Travelall it wouldn’t have had to stage anything. And the driver
could have done it all one-handed while chugging a Hamm’s.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
APBA cards were built to be used to play a game, and they
were built to last. They’ve never gone out of style because that would require
style, and they’ve never gone out of use because the game play hasn’t changed
in more than 50 years. You can throw a 1966 Matty Alou into your 2012
Pittsburgh Pirates deck and it’ll play just fine. It might even win a batting
title. The problem with APBA cards – and this is only a problem if you look at
baseball cards solely from the collectible, fancy-pictures-on-fancy-cardboard
angle – is that they’re just a bunch of numbers on a piece of heavy paper with
a name attached, and if you don’t play the game the numbers are meaningless.
Never mind that if you played the game you can do more with those numbers on
paper than you could ever hope to with your garden-variety Topps Stadium Club
common. (You could even build a card house with APBA cards, if you were so
inclined.) Taken as a group, APBA cards were as sexy as a bunion.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
APBA’s lack of sexy scarcely mattered in the mid-90s. As
Pokémon rose in the east and sports-card games that were more card than game
sunk in the west, some investors alighted on APBA, which at that point was
strapped for cash (like it almost always was) and going through a transition
after the death of its inventor and the estate sale of the kitchen table that
served as its manufacturing and packing facility.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The investors purchased the company’s assets and hired Bill
Bordegon, late of Fleer and SkyBox, to supervise the transformation of APBA
from a game company that used cards in its games to a game company that used <i>CARDS </i>(nudge nudge) in its <i>GAMES</i> (wink wink).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dnaQ_vYQAwk/U3-uWp2ToAI/AAAAAAAAA54/26HhGdn195k/s1600/APBA.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dnaQ_vYQAwk/U3-uWp2ToAI/AAAAAAAAA54/26HhGdn195k/s1600/APBA.jpg" height="320" width="230" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The master plan was impressive: launch kids’ games first,
then a simplified version of the APBA baseball game with photo cards, then do
the same thing in football, then roll then out the 600-plus-card master set in
baseball, then do a master football set, and relaunch the hockey and basketball
games along the same line. The horse-racing set would continue unchanged, to
the relief of the four people outside the company who had actually heard of it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We were brought in to help, and we did a lot: We drew up
player lists for the kids’ and all-star games, reworked the basketball game to make
it more playable, smoothed out game play for the all-star game, came up with a
way to sell booster cards in packs, worked on packaging, wrote rulebooks, helped
line up distributors, created collateral materials, and flew up to Buffalo, met
Canadian card-and-hockey expert Baron Bedesky, and spent a weekend creating an
amazing APBA hockey game, eating fried-baloney sandwiches, and watching the
Buffalo Bisons. (I expensed the flight to Buffalo. The fried-baloney sandwiches
were on me.) PR person extraordinaire Doug Drotman was engaged to generate
press coverage for the new venture.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Everyone connected with the new APBA was dead-set convinced
that this Dream Team of card-creating talent was going to revolutionize sports
games for all time. And it would have, if it wasn’t for two small bumps in the
road: the leagues wouldn’t license APBA and the company out of money (again).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Neither was that unexpected, in retrospect. The licensors
could see perfectly well what we were doing, and while they were willing to let
APBA make cards for a self-contained kids’ board game in return for an obscene
pile of cash, it was not willing to accept a quadruple-X-rated pile of cash in
return for a license to make a 660-card set of <i>GAME </i>(wink wink) <i>CARDS</i>
(nudge nudge) sold in <i>PACKS </i>(know
what I mean know what I mean).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There was a feeling within APBA that our position was sound
and we would eventually wear down MLB – and we might have, had we not run out
of money. Seems the investors, in the
manner of almost all investors everywhere, had underestimated the amount of
money necessary to bring this project to fruition by somewhere between 99.5
percent and 100 percent. The checks were barely printed before they started
doing their Flubber act.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The upshot was that Bordegon left APBA after a year or so,
the investors bailed, we were off the case, and precious little was left of the
expedition save for two kids’ games and a handful of baseball and football all-stars
sets.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7XbXaYj-VLQ/U3-uWzRbZQI/AAAAAAAAA5w/aTg_utJP5Sk/s1600/Gonzalez.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7XbXaYj-VLQ/U3-uWzRbZQI/AAAAAAAAA5w/aTg_utJP5Sk/s1600/Gonzalez.jpg" height="320" width="237" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So let’s start with the kids’ games. SuperStar Baseball and
Football play great, if a little quick. If the cards break right you can play a
game in less than five minutes, including setup time, making them the perfect
games to play if you want to spend quality time with your children, but not too
much. (There’s even a shortcut on both game boards, and these games need a
shortcut like the NFL needs another mock draft.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The photographs could use some work; as I recall, we hired
good photographers but got their leftovers. The player lists aren’t bad, though
like everyone else we believed the Tim Couch hype. Obviously there are no
statistics or descriptics on the cards outside of the most basic dimensions,
but anything more than that would clutter up the card. Plus there’s that
age-old APBA dictum that knowing a player’s height and weight and what sides he
throws and swings from helps you as a manager make strategic personnel
decisions. Knowing what he did for the Richmond Flying Squirrels in 2011 is not
quite in the same league.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The All-Star Baseball and Pro Bowl Football sets were meant
to be pared-down versions of the big APBA game, easier to learn and play. They succeeded
in that regard, but the scope of that success depends on your attitudes toward
sport-simulation board games. If you believe that 32 minutes is not too much
time to spend for simulated Joe Grzenda to throw a slider to simulated Cap
Peterson, the APBA All-Star Baseball game will leave you nonplussed. If you
place a value on little things like seeing the sun a couple of days a week,
All-Star Baseball may be just your thing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fN6Ry9jx3XU/U3-uWh3FI-I/AAAAAAAAA50/ZcI4BIHpzPw/s1600/George.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fN6Ry9jx3XU/U3-uWh3FI-I/AAAAAAAAA50/ZcI4BIHpzPw/s1600/George.jpg" height="320" width="230" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The hope and expectation was that the game cards would have
photos on one side and game stuff on the other. Since one entire side of an
APBA card is wasted space, photos wouldn’t compromise game play in any way. If
you were planning on spending 32 minutes having Mark Brunell throw an
incomplete pass to Keenan McCardell, having McCardell and Brunell’s pictures on
their respective cards might even make the time pass a little more quickly.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, the photo deals fell through at the last minute,
either through lack of permission or lack of wherewithal, so the result is a
set licensed by the league and the players’ association that lacks the stuff
you get licenses for – namely, player images and team logos on its most
important pieces. I hope APBA got its money back on that one.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
APBA never got its money back on anything, and there’s the
final problem. Games are even nastier than trading cards in the cutthroat
business of finding shelf space. (Makes sense: The larger the item, the more it
has to be a guaranteed sale for the store in order to justify its position on
the shelf.) APBA, for all its reputation within the sub-hobby of game-players,
had no name recognition or brand equity on the outside. Some hobby stores
carried the game, but not many more than had carried it back in its ugly days. And
hardcore APBA players didn’t want their game in a fancier box with nicer graphics
and stylish cards. They wanted to roll their clunky old dice and read codes off
of their ratty old cards.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So as it turned out, the redesigned APBA was a cure in
search of a disease. It was a better product for a world that didn’t want a better
product but the same product over and over again, or failing that, no product
at all.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Like most other efforts at making collectibles where
collectibles had not existed previously, APBA failed. It popped out of the sump
for a brief moment, sniffed the air and went right back. But in terms of what
could have been, ah, there APBA was something special. APBA was just a half-circle
away from ABBA and just a couple of breaks away from something big. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-65134318873078739912014-02-09T17:02:00.003-08:002014-02-09T17:02:49.264-08:00Top of the Order … Bottom of the Barrel<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>1408</o:Words>
<o:Characters>8027</o:Characters>
<o:Company>Noel Group</o:Company>
<o:Lines>66</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>18</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>9417</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>14.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 6.0pt;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6Q5PGbY85-4/UvgkuvJ-mXI/AAAAAAAAA2g/rfSbeM5j7rc/s1600/Rip3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6Q5PGbY85-4/UvgkuvJ-mXI/AAAAAAAAA2g/rfSbeM5j7rc/s1600/Rip3.jpg" height="320" width="226" /></a></div>
<br />
So I was watching X Games Aspen the
other day and it struck me how impertinent it is to have a made-for-TV
competition featuring largely made-up sports so close to the Winter Olympics.
It’s like running a “Mythbusters: David Blaine” episode right before Blaine
vanishes Wichita. After four score and seven years' worth of coverage of
obviously made-up X Games events, people might think there’s no purpose to
biathlon and team handball and yachting and short-track speed-skating and
rhythmic gymnastics and all the other, older made-up events that comprise an
Olympics. I realize there was a time when shot-putting got soldiers ready for
war, but those were the days when warfare consisted of lobbing pots of boiling
oil onto hordes of Gauls trying to scale the walls of a dung-daubed castle.
Now, of course, drones do it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 6.0pt;">
It also marginalizes
snowmobile-flipping. Call me revisionist, but I maintain that cranking a
Ski-Doo up to 90 miles an hour, propelling it off a ramp and spinning it three
complete revolutions before landing is every bit as much of an athletic feat as
sliding on your belly down a glorified toboggan run. The only difference is the
motor and the three complete revolutions, and those are way cooler than
anything the luge track has to offer unless A) you really like the sound the
word “luge” makes in the back of your throat or B) you like plastic-coated
Austrians.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 6.0pt;">
(I sent this to Jim McLauchlin
because I was kinda proud of what I had written, and as always he had a retort.
It goes like this: “My favorite sport is always biathlon, which should be
retitled, ‘What The Finns Have To Do Every 40 Years When The Russians Invade.’
In fact, I'd be willing to bet that EVERY biathlon medal ever has been won by a
Finn, with the exception of like, maybe one by a Russian who was a particularly
good shot and was kinda hungry. Here's an idea: Loose three Ivans and three
Finns in the woods with rifles and skis. The three who make it out get medals.”
So naturally I went back and checked. A Finn has never won gold in the biathlon,
but a lot of Russians have – and the Russians have dominated the pursuit
competition. McLauchlin might want to double-check the over-under on the
Ivans.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 6.0pt;">
I don’t know where exactly I’m
going with this, other than back to sport. The Olympics and the X Games remind
us what the Super Bowl doesn’t: all sports are made-up. No sport serves a
purpose other than to institutionalize play. Nothing wrong with play, by the
way; I’m a huge play fan. My life has been spent making everything seem like
play and so far, so good. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 6.0pt;">
Taken from that standpoint, though,
sports cards are sort of ridiculous. Why would you take a picture and put it on
a piece of cardboard to heroify someone playing a <i>game</i>? My kids built an igloo over the weekend, and I didn’t feel like
I had to put them on a card for that, even though igloo-building shares its
chassis and other important bits with playing in the Super Bowl.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 6.0pt;">
(I’m allowed to say “Super Bowl,”
right? Super Bowl Super Bowl Super Bowl Super Bowl. I guess I can.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 6.0pt;">
I never knew a single person in the
trading-card industry who wrestled with this ethical dilemma any more than they
wrestled with Hacksaw Jim Duggan. They would have let Larry Zybysko put them in
a figure-four deadfall in return for a baseball license, but alas, Zybysko was
all tied up with Gorilla Monsoon, and the licenses were all tied up with Upper
Deck. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 6.0pt;">
However, a few enlightened trading-card
folks did realize that as the price and sophistication of sports cards
increased their play value decreased. They also saw their lunch being eaten by
Starmies and Hitmonchans and all the variegated witches and wizards of Magic:
The Gathering. These were cards you could play with; they were cards you had to
play with, because taken at face value they were as engaging as a subway pass.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 6.0pt;">
And they sold. God they sold, and
they cost next to nothing to make. Some cardmakers got mad at their success;
others tried to get even. If they can sell the excrement out of made-up-cards
of made-up things used to play a made-up game, they reasoned, we should be able
to sell quadruple the excrement out of made-up cards of real players used to
play a made-up game. And so it came to pass that Topps, Donruss, Fleer, and
Upper Deck, in addition to longtime baseball-game maker APBA, came out with
sports cards that were gamified to one degree or another. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 6.0pt;">
Of course, these days everything
from your colonoscopy to your taxes are gamified, and we expect it. Figurative
millions are buried casketless each year because online casket sites don’t give
out extra lives. Well, 20 years ago sports cards were being gamified, and no
one found it novel. Or compelling or entertaining, either, but we’re getting to
that.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 6.0pt;">
Upper Deck affixed sort of a game
border to the Special Edition chase in its 1995 baseball. The game was of the
one-action-per-card variety, meaning it would take a whopping pile of cards to
play and the desire to crease and dog-ear to death what ostensibly were
added-value cards. It was a half-hearted nod in the direction of games, and it couldn’t
have been less of an empty gesture if it had been endorsed by Joe Montana and Martha
Stewart.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 6.0pt;">
(Conceptually the Upper Deck game
was identical to the winner-and-still-champeen of baseball-game trading cards, the
1968 Topps Baseball game set, albeit at 400 times the per-pack price. The ’68 game
cards were awesome. The art was spectacular, the player roster couldn’t be
beat, and the game played like butter. I played the World Series over and over
with those cards for years afterwards, almost always pitting the Phillies
against the Brewers. The Brewers usually won, in spite of the heroic efforts of
Phillies pitcher Ron Diorio. I had a Ron Diorio thing going on for years, and I
have no idea why a Alaskan kid transplanted to Wisconsin would get so far
behind a Philadelphia pitcher with a whopping 25 major-league games and no
decisions.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 6.0pt;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2SZZ-iCxTTk/UvglGiaVejI/AAAAAAAAA2o/COrML9Zhzjo/s1600/10006.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2SZZ-iCxTTk/UvglGiaVejI/AAAAAAAAA2o/COrML9Zhzjo/s1600/10006.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
Donruss’ contribution to playtime
was a full-blown game called Top of the Order. It was one of two sports games
the cardmaker produced in 1994, the other being Red Zone football. The game
cards shared the same basic layout and structure – 80-card base set, booster
packs, similar-looking quasi-design -- but game play between the two games was
like the difference between reading this column and my master’s thesis. One is
light and fast-paced; the other is formulaic, plodding, and sort of pedantic.
(Yeah, my master’s thesis was that good.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 6.0pt;">
I guess you could say Top of the
Order was realistic in that regard, but I’m not looking for realism when I sit
down to play a baseball card (or board) game. I’m looking to have fun playing a
game. Any resemblance it bears to real baseball is a bonus. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 6.0pt;">
That may be why the ’68 Topps
baseball game is so much fun. It follows the basic rules of baseball – three
outs, nine innings, team with the most runs wins – but doesn’t go much deeper
than that and doesn’t care to. It’s made for nine-year-olds. You just flip
cards and let wang chung. Sometimes it chungs your way and sometimes it doesn’t,
and there’s nothing you can do about it. I don’t mind that lack of control; it
makes me feel like I’m nine years old again, and any sort of caloric intake I
can dream up is A-OK.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 6.0pt;">
Back to Top of the Order. The cards
were color-coded with actions that came into play when you spun a play wheel.
Dice were involved, too, and I believe a specially licensed magic 8-ball. In
the end, taking a turn involved implementing an action, spinning a wheel,
drawing a card, implementing another action, consulting the magic 8-ball, doing
a couple of battements, and pinching yourself hard to wake up.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 6.0pt;">
Realistic, right? The only thing
missing that would make this just like real baseball is the hot dogs. And the
baseball.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 6.0pt;">
Top of the Order plays only
slightly less ponderously than Pursue the Pennant, the sports-simulation game most
popular with tree sloths and woolly mammoths, though PtP rewards the extremely
patient and clinically dead with some highly realistic outcomes. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 6.0pt;">
We’re going to be spending some
time with these sports-cough-simulation games over the next several weeks, and
we’ll come back to this point many times, but just to get this out there, the
reason why something like Pokémon got the popularity and sports-simulation card
games didn’t is because there are no preconceived notions in Pokémon and
baseball is nothing if not preconceived. There was no way Kevin Stocker could
be the big hero in Top of the Order because we already knew Kevin Stocker the
human being from his performance in Major League Baseball: Human Being Edition,
and he was no hero. And if he perchance was exposed to a special Top of the
Order chemical cocktail (including gummies) that transformed him into the TOTO
version of Elastic Man and he took Eric Gagne deep downtown and became the hero
of heroes, we’d say the game’s wacked. On the other hand, your Venusaur can
play Vine Whip for 25 straight turns and no one thinks it’s a flaw. It’s what
Venusaur does – and even though it’s just freaking Vine Whip, it’s still more
compelling in the artificial realm of the game table than a 100-mile-an-hour
Randy Johnson fastball.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 6.0pt;">
That’s the long, master’s-thesis
way of saying that baseball simulation games that try to simulate too much are
a bad idea, though so are baseball games that don’t simulate enough. We’ll look
at another failure to learn that lesson next time.</div>
Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-43894035061887169002014-01-24T14:39:00.000-08:002014-01-24T14:39:28.061-08:00All Talking! All Singing! All Cockroaches!<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
If we’re going to discuss the
modern cinema with any degree of intelligence we need to distinguish between
stoner movies and stoned movies.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
Stoner movies are movies made by
people who aren’t on drugs for people who are. You can trace them from the
Salvador Dali sequence in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Spellbound</i>
through <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lost Weekend </i>and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Fly </i>to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Trip</i> to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Up In Smoke</i>
and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(N)Ice Dreams</i> to the various
Harold and Kumar flicks to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-zAdijbyiE"><span style="color: red;">Jack-in-the-Box
ads</span></a>. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
Stoned movies are made by people
who are on drugs for who the hell knows, because they’re made by people who are
on drugs. Flying-day-glo-unicorn drugs.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
It’s hard to tell the difference
between a stoned movie and a really bad one, but it seems pretty obvious to me
that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Joe’s Apartment</i> is the No. 1
stoned movie of the ‘90s.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
I don’t know what was being
ingested by the creative-so-to-speak forces behind <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Joe’s Apartment</i>, but Jay-Z has to take out a title loan to afford
an ounce of it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
Right now I’m sure of two
things: you’ve never seen<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Joe’s Apartment
</i>because you’re a person of taste and refinement, and you’re dying to know
the plot. I use hand sanitizer every time I call this burrito filled with
random events a plot, but here goes: A country boy named Joe moves into a
big-city apartment and finds it inhabited with cockroaches.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
So far so good. It’s not really
a plot, but it’s plot-like. It has some plotness and a little bit of plotitude,
and its plotivity displays a tenuous connection to reality.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0iyv__jQQZQ/UuLqzB-37dI/AAAAAAAAA18/WhZks1oDs5k/s1600/JA+Crop+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0iyv__jQQZQ/UuLqzB-37dI/AAAAAAAAA18/WhZks1oDs5k/s1600/JA+Crop+2.jpg" height="320" width="228" /></a></div>
Let’s not get carried away,
though, because shortly after Joe rents the apartment and finds it infested
with cockroaches he discovers that A) he hates cockroaches and B) the
cockroaches can talk. ( I realize it would make more sense if B) came before
A), but not in this movie. Never in this movie.) And not only can they talk,
they sing and dance and display the highest level of human intelligence: They
do standup comedy. With matches for microphones. Because they can’t do Kafka.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
You can pretty much guess where
the movie goes from here. Joe starts a comedy club under his sink for other
insects and becomes filthy rich, only he can’t spend any of it because insects
pay for tickets using small bits of rotted flesh, dandelion pollen, and the
carcasses of other insects, even when they use PayPal.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
Actually, that would be a better
plot than the plot-burrito that is plopped on this movie’s dirty plate. You can
figure it out, if you promise to use no imagination whatsoever: Joe meets
prospective girlfriend. Prospective girlfriend is grossed out at first but then
comes to respect<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the talking
cockroaches. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
(Because the way for people to
respect gross, disgusting insects is to give the insects the power of speech. I
suppose. It worked for Chris Christie.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
Throw in a couple of bumbling
crooks that are conquered by Roach Power and everybody lives happily ever
after, including the bugs, because you, like, can’t kill cockroaches.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
Like it? If you don’t you need
to cozy up to your friendly neighborhood pharmaceutical representative right
this minute, because that’s all the ploticity this puppy can deliver. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Klvkym8l5E8/UuLqzy4vCpI/AAAAAAAAA2M/Mm6wiX1-ezI/s1600/JA+Crop+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Klvkym8l5E8/UuLqzy4vCpI/AAAAAAAAA2M/Mm6wiX1-ezI/s1600/JA+Crop+4.jpg" height="320" width="225" /></a></div>
It also doesn’t star <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">anyone</i>, with a Subway-style capital
“ANY.” The lead is Jerry O’Connell, the love interest is Megan Ward, and the
crooks are led by Robert Vaughn (long way from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Man From U.N.C.L.E.</i>, Bobby). This cinematic turd-de-force is on its knees begging
for Daniel Stern, George Wendt, Abe Vigoda, Al Lewis, Harvey Fierstein, Classy
Freddie Blassie or anyone with a dram of charisma to camp it up, but no one shows. They were all at a David Hasselhoff celebrity
roast. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
Even with all its negative castification
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Joe’s Apartment </i>might have been able
to pull itself out of the sump by its bootstraps, but then you listen to the
lyrics the cockroaches sing and you’re right back in the septic soup again.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
Here’s a sample: “Garbage, garbage,
garbage, garbage, garbage/Garbage in the moonlight gives off a lovely smell (lovely
smell)/Sipping sewage with my baby in our little roach motel (please don't tell)/zum
zum zuma zum zum zum/doot de doot doot doot de doo doot de doot doot doot de
doo doot de doot doot doot de doo doot de doot doot doodly doo/Take an ocean
trip on our garbage ship with the cockroach I adore/We'll take a taste of the
medical waste that washes up on shore.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
“Positively 4<sup>th</sup>
Street” it ain’t. Or “Mairzy Doats and Doazy Doats,” either.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
There’s only one more thing to
be said about this celluloid angel-dust aftereffect: Donruss had the
trading-card license.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
Of course Donruss had the
trading-card license. How the heck else could it follow up <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kazaam</i>?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
You ought to be getting the
message that Donruss’ ear for trading-card licenses was crafted of the finest
tin, but it’s not all Donruss’ fault. In the pop-culture licensed-product
market at that particular time <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Joe’s
Apartment </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>had multiple positive
attributes: It had a soundtrack, the card license was available, and it was
made by MTV. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
The history of MTV and trading
cards as I remember it goes something like this: First the Yo! MTV Raps! Cards
from Pro Set (memorably profiled <a href="http://handful-o-landfill.blogspot.com/2011/03/yo-mtv-saps.html"><span style="color: red;">here</span></a>),
then <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Beavis and Butt-Head s</i>ets from
Fleer (including – unless I’m hallucinating again – a Flair/Ultra-ish version,
since the one thing B&B-H fans want to do is pay <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">more</i> for trading cards), an MTV Toons set that showed all the shows
that weren't music videos and weren't as good as <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Beavis and Butt-Head</i>, and the MTV Films/Joe's Apartment set, and
then everyone said, "Uh, I think we’re good."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
So the big problem for Donruss
wasn’t that it had a bad eye for licenses; it picked a good(ish) license, only
at a really bad time. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
(Okay, so it picked a really bad
license. As former <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Cards Illustrated </i>editor
Don Butler remarked when he heard I was writing about this set, “Yeah,
unbelievably a card set about an agoraphobe and talking cockroaches did not
become the next Mars Attacks.” He also dismissed its wretched sales by saying,
“It came out about the same time as the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Flipper</i>
set.” Because a card set for a dog movie featuring a semi-talking dolphin takes
down a card set for a dog movie featuring talking cockroaches any day.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hjkbauxwYoU/UuLq0sqbx8I/AAAAAAAAA2U/rUmVKHGCT2A/s1600/JA2.2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hjkbauxwYoU/UuLq0sqbx8I/AAAAAAAAA2U/rUmVKHGCT2A/s1600/JA2.2.jpg" height="400" width="280" /></a>The set didn’t do buyers or
collectors any favors, though it has about as much fun with the material as your
average <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Project Runway</i> All-Star, with
nary a Heidi Klum or Alyssa Milano in sight, sorry to say. The set is pitched
in terms of “Etymological Order & Phyla,” making it the only trading-card
set ever to be categorized the same way as dung beetles or, yes, cockroaches. (Can’t
say these guys didn’t know their subject matter.) Chases include seven Roach
cards, because 10 would be too many, and every pack has a free tattoo – yet
another reason why tattoo removal is the growth industry of the twenty-teens.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
In case you’re curious, the
cards were advertised with the line, “The TRADING CARDS crawl from behind the
fridge into stores everywhere.” It’s no “He's A Rappin' Genie With An Attitude ...
And He's Ready For Slam-Dunk Fun!”, but it’ll suffice. At least it didn’t kill
any sales that weren’t dead already.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
At one point in the classic
screwball comedy <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bringing Up Baby</i>
Katharine Hepburn is trying to explain to her aunt why Cary Grant is standing
in front of them in a peignoir. Her aunt says, quite sensibly, “Why, that
doesn’t make any sense,” to which Cary Grant replies, “And take my word for it,
madam: It never will.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>1143</o:Words>
<o:Characters>6517</o:Characters>
<o:Company>Noel Group</o:Company>
<o:Lines>54</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>15</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>7645</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>14.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
The Joe’s Apartment set is like
that. The difference is that in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bringing
Up Baby</i> you get Cary Grant in a peignoir, and in the Joe’s Apartment set you
get talking cockroaches. It doesn’t make any sense, and it never will.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<o:p></o:p></div>
Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-90595530116598221672014-01-09T09:40:00.002-08:002014-01-09T11:22:10.219-08:00Wham! Bam! Damn, Kazaam!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>908</o:Words>
<o:Characters>5179</o:Characters>
<o:Company>Noel Group</o:Company>
<o:Lines>43</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>12</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>6075</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>14.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
George Santayana never worked in
the movie business, and that’s a good thing for all concerned. Instead of
“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it,” we would have
had, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to remake it.”<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
We’re plagued with remakes as it
is. New movie versions of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Annie, Robocop,
Godzilla</i>, and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Gilligan's Island</i>
are coming in 2014, along with TV-series versions of everything from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Fargo</i> to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Road To Bountiful.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
Fortunately, the search for new
stars for these new/old shows has shifted from athletes to rap artists to
internet sensations and reality-TV stars. While this hasn’t brought us to the
point where Phil Robertson stars as Miss Hannigan (“Scrub them floors, girls;
you’re a-gonna be married in a couple months!”), it has upped the thespian
quotient somewhat. I don’t know what kind of acting chops you need to star in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Something Borrowed, Something New</i> or get
thrown by a Sit ‘n’ Spin through a plate-glass window, but it has to be more
than what it takes to drain stepback three-pointers. And more importantly, it’s
quelled the clamor to remake <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kazaam</i>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
You’ve probably forgotten <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kazaam</i>; I had until I stumbled upon this
promo card this morning, and I’d really liked my life up to that point. But <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kazaam</i> brings back memories I’m not sure
I want to remember.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
For those of you who are not
completely up to speed on pooch-screwing, shark-jumping, egg-sucking movies of
the late ‘80s and ‘90s, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kazaam</i> was a
thinly veiled (no pun intended) remake of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Aladdin</i>,
with Shaquille O’Neal in the Robin Williams role.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
Shaquille O’Neal as a
seven-foot-one, three-hundred pound genii that grins a lot, wears size-18
curly-toed velvet slippers, sports a Superman tattoo, talks like a cement mixer
full of stove bolts, raps with the rhythmic sensibilities of Flo, and can’t
shoot free throws: Why didn’t I think of that? And better yet, why didn’t I
think of throwing myself on top of that puppy of a license like a Sgt. Rock
hero flinging himself onto a live grenade to save the rest of his platoon?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
I couldn’t do that last thing,
because Donruss beat me to it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WZDkMf0Rasc/Us7efI7kisI/AAAAAAAAA1M/F1dTQic_VYs/s1600/SKMBT_C35140109121200.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WZDkMf0Rasc/Us7efI7kisI/AAAAAAAAA1M/F1dTQic_VYs/s1600/SKMBT_C35140109121200.jpg" height="320" width="230" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
When I think of non-sports
cards, I don’t immediately think “Donruss.” And when I think “Donruss non-sport
cards,” my mind trips back pleasantly to Odd Rods and images of Bill Spaceman
Lee lookalikes stuffed into GTOs with engines the size of the Sears Tower
protruding from the hood. I had actually forgotten that Donruss, just like
every other cardmaker flush with sport-card loot, had gamboled barefoot through
the poison ivy of the non-sport market in the ‘80s and ‘90s.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
A smorgasbord of licenses and
properties were laid out before these rich, innocent cardmakers. Some of the
properties were jewels, some were paste, and some were the toneless, plotless
brainchildren of committees of bean-counting corporate yes-men doing their best
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wolf of Wall Street</i> impersonations,
movies that made <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ishtar</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Heaven’s Gate</i> look like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Seven Samurai</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Seventh Seal</i>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
And then, underneath those, was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kazaam</i>. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
It's no <i>My Giant</i>, that's for sure. And acting-wise, Shaq is no Georghe Muresan.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
Since I had to read the copy on
the promo card, you need to share my pain. “This summer, Shaquille O’Neal
materializes into theaters in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kazaam</i>,
a major motion picture featuring Shaq in his first movie role as a
wise-crackin’ Genie for the ‘90s,” the card reads. “And you can collect all of
Shaq’s magic in Kazaam Trading Cards exclusively from Donruss this summer!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
And then, underneath this
deathless prose, lest you get any ideas to the contrary, the card sports another
big “Exclusively from Donruss.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
No problem, dude. You got this
one all to yourself, free and clear.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
You can see what Donruss was
thinking. It couldn’t be any more transparent if their corporate skull was made out
of cellophane. Shaq sells. Shaq sells. Anything Shaq sells. A Shaq movie’s
gonna sell. And a Shaq card set of a Shaq movie has to sell. Right? RIGHT?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Bm3ioqBkORQ/Us7egZjhgMI/AAAAAAAAA1U/HMq469Py6JQ/s1600/SKMBT_C35140109121201.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Bm3ioqBkORQ/Us7egZjhgMI/AAAAAAAAA1U/HMq469Py6JQ/s1600/SKMBT_C35140109121201.jpg" height="320" width="231" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
Amazingly, Shaq is not the worst
thing about <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kazaam</i>. (He’s not the
best thing either, but only because there is no sense in using the word “best”
around <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kazaam</i>.) The
worst thing is the slogan: “He's A Rappin' Genie With An Attitude ... And He's
Ready For Slam-Dunk Fun!” The second-worst thing is the plot, which was fished
out of a dumpster behind Nickelodeon’s world headquarters. The third-worst
thing is the kid lead, Francis Capra, who is so one-dimensional that he makes the
Sprouse twins in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Suite Life on Deck</i>
look like they’re going to jump out of the screen and plop in your lap<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">.</i> The fourth-worst thing is Shaq’s
outfit. His Laker warmups would have been a far better choice than the
neo-Babylonian tunic with cardboard bracelets. (The slippers are cool, though.
They are without question the best part of the movie. In fact, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood</i>
and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kazaam</i> are the only two movies
where the best thing about them is the shoes<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">.)</i>
The fifth-worst thing is Shaq.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
Given the essential dreckiness
of the movie, could there be any hope for the cards? Of course not. Kazaam<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>the card set is even more formulaic
than <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kazaam</i> the movie. There actually
was trading-card potential here; a bad movie does not automatically translate into a lazy, indifferent set. Donruss could have cut
up the slippers and made SlipperCards, or donated Shaq’s pants to a family
needing emergency shelter. But Donruss was too far removed from its Odd Rod
days to have any ideas on how to fun up a set of cards where the major
characters are a basketball-star-turned-cheesy-genie, a nondescript kid, and a
boombox. Donruss was just meatballin', trotting out the tired old formula in the service of a movie whose most effective marketing tactic was distracting people's attention from the movie. Uncle Allen Caplan would have known what to do with <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kazaam</i>, that’s for sure.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
Sometimes we lose sight of the
fact that trading cards are a disposable medium. Those who cannot remember the
past are condemned to repeat it. Fortunately, a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kazaam</i> comes along every now and then to remind us.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
Hard as it may be to believe, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kazaam</i> did not represent the nadir of
Donruss’ dalliance with the movies. We’ll go there next time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; tab-stops: 152.55pt;">
In the
meantime, if you’re an 11-year-old orphan girl, you’d best stay out of North
Louisiana and away from strange old guys with beards. Not even Shaq’s
gonna help you there. </div>
<!--EndFragment-->Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-67812582887505943112013-12-24T09:12:00.001-08:002013-12-29T13:05:24.206-08:00Happy Caplan Christmas<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XvicpU5gzSU/UsCNXJj9l3I/AAAAAAAAA0w/XxZpICzGeyE/s1600/Inkworks+Tree.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XvicpU5gzSU/UsCNXJj9l3I/AAAAAAAAA0w/XxZpICzGeyE/s1600/Inkworks+Tree.jpg" height="640" width="452" /></a></div>
<br />
Let us pause a moment at this time of year to remember some
of the good folks that have passed through the card business, and laugh a little
at their cards.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I first encountered Allan Caplan when we started doing
consulting work for SkyBox in the mid-‘90s, though my partner Dean had known
Allan before, from Dean’s days as the advertising manager for the highly late and constantly lamented <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Baseball Cards </i>magazine.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dean warned me about Allan. “He’s something else,” Dean
said. “Wait ‘til you meet him.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I didn’t meet him first; I heard him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There’s something about the way Allan Caplan greets you over
the telephone that’s unique in the way that <a href="http://kotaku.com/5983276/15-flavors-of-japanese-kit-kats-the-snacktaku-review"><span style="color: red;">red-bean-sandwich-flavored
Kit Kats</span></a> are unique. You have to be ready for it, and even if you’re ready for it you may not like it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Hi, Kit,” Allan said when he called the first time, drawing
out the “I” in “hi” like homemade caramel, and talking in a sort of Mean
Streets patois but higher-pitched, so I understood right away why some people
called him “Uncle Al, the kiddies’ pal.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So he said, “Hi, Kit,” and then he said, “this is Allan
Caplan.” He always said, “this is Allan Caplan,” stretching the syllables until
you could read a newspaper through them, no matter how many times we talked, as
if there could be another who talked with that peculiar mix of elasticity, gentleness
and Brooklyn.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t remember the question he asked me, but I’m guessing
it was unanswerable, because that’s the way Allan’s mind works. He’s a
marketing genius; he knows more angles than a geometry textbook, and if he
called someone for help in those days it was either because he needed one of us
to look up some arcane fact (good business in those pre-Google days) or
the question couldn’t be answered.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Plus, I think he liked talking to a couple of Midwestern
hicks who laughed pretty easy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Allan was somewhere in that gray area between
trusted-and-valued consultant and employee, and he was in charge of most of the
SkyBox’s non-<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Star Trek</i> non-sports
cards. He had a key role in developing the original Marvel Universe cards, and
he played a crucial role in the development of movie cards for Disney and
others. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That means he takes at least a little culpability for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Pagemaster<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[1]</span></b></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
</i>cards (though I don’t know what role he had in picking that lhasa apso of a
license), and a whole lot of credit for the non-sport-card business as it
shaped up through the ‘90s and into the 2000s. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Allan used SkyBox and all those non-sport sets to figure out
The Formula, the exact mix of chase, autographs and other elements that would
deliver collectibility and value to the buyer and profits to the seller, and
once he had The Formula perfected, Allan took a couple of key people, left
SkyBox<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>and started Inkworks.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Inkworks did good work. I have a mess of its sets on a
bookshelf behind my guitars, and they’re arguably the best base-level
non-sports sets of their times. Inkworks did the best James Bond set, the best
Elvis set, the best <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Simpsons</i> set.
They're perfect examples of The Formula in action.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0aNhh3Fi5Ts/UsCNVzaMb3I/AAAAAAAAA0o/-NvBaTvxiPY/s1600/Simpsons.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0aNhh3Fi5Ts/UsCNVzaMb3I/AAAAAAAAA0o/-NvBaTvxiPY/s1600/Simpsons.jpg" height="229" width="320" /></a></div>
Here’s what I mean. I just pulled my SimpsonsMania set off
the shelf. It’s housed in a deluxe binder (extra, from your local Inkworks
dealer or direct, via an on-pack offer). The base set consists of white-bordered
cards that parody conventional trading cards; for instance, the set’s first
card, Comic-Book Guy, has a word balloon with “Worst trading card ever” coming
out of his mouth and his favorite aroma (“The smell of Mylar in the morning”)
inset in the right-hand corner. There are puzzle cards, Wacky Packages ripoffs
(my favorite: “Barnacle Bill’s Home Pregnancy test – just add urine”), a chase
featuring comic artists’ reinterpretations of Simpsons characters, a mod
day-glo chase, and fold-in inserts, all for less than $2 a pack – with a full
set in a box guaranteed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Given everything else that was on the market then and now,
that’s value. Hey, it’s still pictures on cardboard, but it’s pictures on
cardboard <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">done right</i>. It’s the
difference between Kraft Macaroni and Cheese and generic. You can see and smell
and taste the difference.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The other thing I love about Allan Caplan is that when he
ran Inkworks he kept Christmas well.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A couple of years ago I cleaned out the Christmas-card bin
and blogged about it <a href="http://handful-o-landfill.blogspot.com/2011/12/happy-holidays-part-1.html"><span style="color: red;">here</span></a>.
In that piece I showed two Inkworks Christmas cards and talked about how Allan talks,
but in the meantime I've found a couple more Inkworks Christmas cards to share.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qcd8hXzc9qs/UsCOBHtrCoI/AAAAAAAAA04/lOuRmXM_LC0/s1600/Inkworks+002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qcd8hXzc9qs/UsCOBHtrCoI/AAAAAAAAA04/lOuRmXM_LC0/s1600/Inkworks+002.jpg" height="400" width="277" /></a></div>
<br />
Everyone signed this holiday card from 2003, including
Godzilla. That’s his John Hancock in the lower-left corner. The thing I like
about this card is that it doesn’t promote anything – except perhaps Inkworks
in a snow-soft sort of way. It’s merely a Christmas trading card from a
trading-card company. It’s like a bakery sending a Christmas card made out of
bread, or an advertising agency sending <a href="http://vimeo.com/82130598"><span style="color: red;">a
holiday greeting made out of weird</span></a>. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9tWqPtKQZB8/UsCNXttU-RI/AAAAAAAAA00/5B4y-yM2WZc/s1600/Spirit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9tWqPtKQZB8/UsCNXttU-RI/AAAAAAAAA00/5B4y-yM2WZc/s1600/Spirit.jpg" height="400" width="280" /></a></div>
<br />
Even though this card works the commercial side of Christmas
Street I like it anyway. After all, few things say Christmas better than a
come-back-from-the-dead gumshoe appearing (so to speak) in a wretched movie
starring Gabriel Macht.<span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title="">[2]</a></span></span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" title=""><!--[endif]--></a></span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This card also points up Inkworks’ greatest flaw and its
eventual undoing. The company lacked the wherewithal to go after the slam-dunk
licenses with the built-in fan base, so it had to bet on the come on licenses
that either were dormant and underappreciated (e.g., Bond) or properties that
could go big and develop critical mass (like the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Buffy The Vampire Slayer </i>spinoff <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Angel</i>). The Formula also got a little tired after 10 years of
constant use.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let’s not dwell on that now. Let’s join hands with this
cardboard card of a cardboard character and gaze up at the holofoil Christmas
tree and sing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Have a grand ol’ Landfill Christmas, everyone.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>891</o:Words>
<o:Characters>5084</o:Characters>
<o:Company>Noel Group</o:Company>
<o:Lines>42</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>11</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>5964</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>14.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><br clear="all" />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<!--[endif]-->
<br />
<div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[1]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
Talk about a movie that vanished from the planet. They don’t show <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Pagemaster anywhere</i>. You can’t even
buy it for $5 at Walmart. I can understand why, but they still show <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Land Before Time XI: Invasion of the
Tinysauruses </i>without an ounce of compunction. <o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn2" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[2]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a> A
movie so bad that Roger Ebert remarked memorably, “There is not a trace of
human emotion in it. To call the characters cardboard is to insult a useful
packing material.”<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
</div>
Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-71485825554432445762013-12-10T18:11:00.000-08:002013-12-10T18:12:01.835-08:00That's Dich Trickel To You<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">My running feud with racing cards has been well-documented.
Basically I assert that racing cards – stock-car-racing cards, as if there were
any others – try to make way too much out of way too little<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[1]</span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>.
Racing cards fire back with something snappy like, “Oh, yeah? Well, you’re old.
And ugly, too.<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[2]</span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>”
And then we push each other a little and NASCAR cards pretend to fall down and
break their leg because they watch a lot of Premier League soccer, and we both
wind up in the principal’s office on double-secret detention.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Honestly, though; do the math. There are roughly 40 NASCAR Winston
Cup<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[3]</span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a> drivers
and subs. Each one has a car. There is no reason for a racing set to contain
more than 80 cards, yet Traks and Finish Line and SkyBox and Upper Deck would
roll up to the start line with 200-card sets so overstuffed with mechanic cards
and transporter cards and impact-wrench cards that getting a Lake Speed in a
pack was a real accomplishment. When you’d find him you’d do your little
NASCAR-card happy dance and point in the air with your pointer fingers and titter,
“I got Lake Speed! I got Lake Speed!” It was only a couple minutes later after the
initial charge had worn off that you sat down and said very quietly to
yourself, “Oh. I got Lake Speed.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So given all that, I ought to like, or at least not hate,
the Hi-Tech Brickyard 400 Race Preview set. Right at the top of the spec sheet
it says, “75-80 card set.” Now, you might quibble that it’s missing a hyphen,
or that if you’re making a spec sheet to sell your card set that you really
ought to know how many cards are in your set, but no matter. It’s an
appropriately sized set, and that’s what matters – right? Right?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Yl39y94ybxA/UqfJMMJnyUI/AAAAAAAAA0M/lZ1q0Ub7jYk/s1600/Brickyard+2001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Yl39y94ybxA/UqfJMMJnyUI/AAAAAAAAA0M/lZ1q0Ub7jYk/s1600/Brickyard+2001.jpg" height="288" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Well, maybe not so much. Note that the card set is for one
race and one race only – the Brickyard 400 – and the race hasn’t even been run
yet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">To give you a parallel, that would be like making a football
set for the Texans-Jaguars set before the game. Gotta build up that
anticipation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Okay, so maybe it’s a little more than making a football set
for the Texans-Jaguars game. Maybe it’s like making a set for the entire league
for a really important game. Like Donruss Opening Day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Hmmm. Better scratch that analogy, too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So there is no analogy that makes the Hi-Tech Brickyard 400
Race Preview set look like anything other than a bad idea. That doesn’t
necessarily mean it’s a bad idea. Let’s look at the rest of the specs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">According to the sell sheet, the cards feature five-color
printing (for those times when four-color simply isn’t enough), purple and gold
foil, UV coating, and a limited edition of 2,500 sets. Especially on a day when
I was reading about Collector’s Edge’s plan to strictly limit production to
100,000 of each card, 2,500 sounds all right.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9jI9VXx2JBY/UqfJMAe5BTI/AAAAAAAAA0Q/SRVrYmJ6jxc/s1600/Brickyard+3001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9jI9VXx2JBY/UqfJMAe5BTI/AAAAAAAAA0Q/SRVrYmJ6jxc/s1600/Brickyard+3001.jpg" height="235" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In fact, things were going along swimmingly between me and
the Hi-Tech Brickyard 400 Race Preview set until I read this: “On August 16,
17, 1993, thirty-two teams and thirty-four drivers participated in practice
sessions at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway in preparation for the inaugural
Brickyard 400. Excitement and enthusiasm ran rampant among stock-car teams and
dedicated race fans in anticipation of the August 6, 1994 event. This set,
second in a three-part series of the Brickyard 400, details the action and
events of the two-day test session leading up to this year’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">run to the bricks</i> on the Greatest Race
Course in the World.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Reading between the lines of slipshod writing (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Run to the bricks? </i>Greatest Race Course
in the World? Greatest Semi-Round Strip of Asphalt Encircling Drunk Morons in
Winnebagos, maybe), do you realize what this is? This is a race-car set of cars
not racing but <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">practicing to race</i> a
race that isn’t going to be raced <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">for a
year</i>. Not only that, but this isn’t a 75-80-card set but one of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">three</i> 75-80-card sets, pumping up to
225-240 the total number of cards dedicated to a practice run for a race that
had never been raced before. That is one big ol’ heapin’ helpin’ of sound and
fury signifying nothing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-g5mw3Y9nLZA/UqfJLoXeo6I/AAAAAAAAA0I/jUEQHZCnk6Y/s1600/Brickyard+1001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-g5mw3Y9nLZA/UqfJLoXeo6I/AAAAAAAAA0I/jUEQHZCnk6Y/s1600/Brickyard+1001.jpg" height="320" width="229" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Not only that, but – hold me back, now; hold me back – take
a good, close look at the sample cards. Do you see what I see, high up on the
page, shepherd boy? (Sorry.) It’s a star all right – Jeff Gordon, the biggest
star in the sport at that time. Only look at the spelling of his name: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Geoff</i> Gordon.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">No freaking fooling. Hi-Tech, in the course of promoting one
of its three sets of cards showing cars practicing to run a race one year
later, screwed the unscrewable pooch of stock-car racing, the one name that’s
absolutely impossible to mess up, Jeff Gordon.<span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title="">[4]</a></span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4" title=""><!--[endif]--></a></span></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">What kind of wacky-ass cardmaker does that?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">To give you some perspective, because of the small number of
drivers in NASCAR each driver is worth about 25 baseball or football players.
So in essence Hi-Tech just misspelled the names of the 25 biggest stars in the
sport of your choice – as in Gerry Ryz, Emmitt Smyth, Steve Younge, Jo
Montana, Barrie Sanders, et al.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Several months ago, in one of my periodic paroxysms against
racing cards, I named off all the race-card manufacturers but omitted Hi-Tech.
On one hand, how prescient of me. On the other hand, how could I? They’re
perfect.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And ugly. And old. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Neener neener neener.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-top: 6.0pt;">
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>771</o:Words>
<o:Characters>4401</o:Characters>
<o:Company>Noel Group</o:Company>
<o:Lines>36</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>10</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>5162</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>14.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--></div>
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br clear="all" />
</span><br />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<!--[endif]-->
<br />
<div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[1]</span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Except for Morgan Shepherd, Dick Trickle,
Dave Marcis, and your choice of Sterling or Coo Coo Marlin. Never can get
enough of them cats.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn2" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[2]</span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
Sorry; that’s what my kids say. Stock-car cards just say, “Well …,” and then
breathe real heavy for a while before turning and clomping off.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn3" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[3]</span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
Still the best marketing concept used in service of Death on a Stick.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn4" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref4" name="_ftn4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[4]</span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
Confused him with the nonexistent F1 racer Geoff Gordon, obviously.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
</div>
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<div id="ftn4" style="mso-element: footnote;">
</div>
</div>
Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-56836073257888098572013-12-01T10:36:00.003-08:002013-12-01T10:36:53.672-08:00A Blow To The Head<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">The normal content of all of my blogs has been pre-empted by what I consider to be an essential message. If you're looking for something else a little more entertaining, be patient and share this with your favorite athlete, and his or her parents. </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">My son no longer plays youth hockey, and I no longer coach youth hockey. And while I am heartbroken by this turn of events, I am totally at peace with that decision.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Obviously, one event precipitated the other. On Nov. 17, my son Andy suffered his third concussion in 10 months, in a B-level bantam game. The next day a neurologist – whose son was a star hockey player – recommended he give up the sport.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We didn’t argue or fight back. Instead, we accepted the recommendation with a measure of relief; at the same time, I resigned my position as an assistant coach with my son’s team.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">My son was not going to be a star hockey player; he shook out as a borderline high-school varsity player. But his skills as a hockey player did not have any impact on this decision. He’s a very good B-level bantam hockey player, arguably one of the best in the state. With him on the ice, his team stood a very good chance of winning a state title. He didn’t leave a lesser team or a less meaningful situation, not that that matters or should matter. I can’t imagine any decision to leave a team could have been any more heart-wrenching even at the highest levels of the game, yet we made this decision unanimously, without compunction or remorse.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Andy is walking away primarily because the doctors and his parents recommended it. I am walking away because I can no longer with a clear conscience recommend that young people play upper-level hockey.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This isn’t a cause-and-effect thing; it’s not simply a case of me losing my desire to coach because my son had three concussions and had to quit hockey. Instead, this is a conclusion that I have reached after coaching more than 100 hockey games over the last four years. I can no longer convince myself that there is sufficient concern for players’ well-being coming from any sector of the sport – equipment manufacturers, sanctioning bodies and organizations, officials, coaches, parents, and other players.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In the last six games I coached I saw three players on our team leave the ice with concussions or concussion-like symptoms. In less than a full season I saw six players sustain concussions and one break his collarbone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I asked Andy how many penalty minutes were doled out as the total punishment for those injuries, all of which were inflicted through illegal or borderline-illegal contact. He said six.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Six minutes: That’s a total. That’s a total for six significant brain injuries and a broken bone resulting from illegal and borderline-illegal contact. Cause injuries like that on the street and you’re spending a year in prison. Do that in high-school hockey and your team can’t play for a state championship. Do it in the NHL or NFL and you’re suspended one game minimum and fined five figures. Do that in bantam-B hockey and you spend six minutes in the box.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Does this seem right to you in any way? If not, the easy way out is to blame the officials and leave it at that. They should have called the penalties. Call the penalties and none of this happens.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Okay, but consider the officials’ situation. Most of our team’s games were officiated by children as the law defines them, 16- or 17-year-old boys looking to make a little money. For some of them, the first game they officiated was our game.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It never struck me until very recently, but I am absolutely terrified by the mere idea of having a barely trained 16-year-old boy, in many cases a head-knocking product of a head-knocking hockey culture, being put into a contentious environment and charged with enforcing the rules protecting 14-year-old kids in a sport where violent high-speed collisions occur every minute. These young officials have only the most basic knowledge of the rules, are not sufficiently removed from a hockey culture that may encourage illegal contact, are easily influenced by coaches and spectators, and in no way feel empowered to make the difficult calls that need to be made to create an adequate atmosphere of safety on the ice. They’re in a no-win situation, and the game and its players suffer for it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Not only do officials need to be better trained and sufficiently empowered, the rules backing them need to be stiffer. A lot stiffer. It’s okay to be draconian here, to punish player, coach, and team for hits resulting in head injuries. If USA Hockey, the Wisconsin Amateur Hockey Association, and all other hockey-sanctioning bodies wanted to remove from the game 90 percent of the hits resulting in head injuries, they could. Disqualify teams from tournaments. Suspend coaches. Suspend players. Forfeit games. Bar organizations. It’s not as if they don’t know the dangers or what’s at stake. After all, there wouldn’t be state or national titles if these bodies didn’t create them out of whole cloth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Football has taken huge steps toward criminalizing head contact. Hockey’s efforts look half-hearted by comparison.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As long as we’re on the subject of sanctioning bodies and half-hearted efforts, the attempts to educate coaches on the necessity of removing the culture of violence from the game and discourage head contact come off as less than half-hearted – one-quarter-hearted, maybe. USA Hockey’s age-specific modules spend at least as much time talking about why eight-year-olds should not drink alcohol as they do avoiding the subject of head contact. (USA Hockey’s glass-half-full approach is to teach appropriate <i>body</i> contact, and avoid the subject of the head as much as possible.) Educational requirements are bare-bones for most coaches, with nothing that stresses the absolute necessity of compliance. Coaches can and do sleep through their clinic, stumble through their CE, and go right back to teaching the art of the high elbow to the jaw and the stick butt under the shoulder pads.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Somehow, someway, the head-knockers and red-bloods that are coaching kids need to be weeded out, or dialed back at the very least. I had the privilege of working under some superb coaches who truly understood the game. Jim Lawrence is a Ph. D. in chemistry who coached the club-hockey team at Purdue. Ron Dufresne played Minnesota hockey and Ivy League football. I’ve seen these highly educated men teach the game the right way practice after practice and game after game. They’ve sat kids who were improperly aggressive, dialed back the bench when they cheered a big hit, treated referees with respect, acknowledged good plays by opponents, supported kids who needed supporting, held back kids who were hurt, and shook hands at the final buzzer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Did we sometimes cheer the wrong things at the wrong times? Sure. But we never belittled a child, swore at a child, swore at an official, sanctioned players who swore at other players or officials, applauded illegal behavior, encouraged head-hunting, or raised hockey players the way NFL players raise pitbulls. We played against plenty of coaches who did, unfortunately.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“So there are bad coaches,” the red-bloods say. “Big news flash. Most coaches are good.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I’d go along with that. More than half of all coaches are good. All that means is that once a week my son was facing a coach who wasn’t good, who wasn’t teaching kids the right way, who was condoning reckless, unsportsmanlike, dangerous play.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">All right, so one-third of coaches are bad. That means my son was being put in a dangerous situation a little less than once a week. One-quarter bad? In danger every other week.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The odds really don’t ever get good. It’s not acceptable for a child’s long-term health to be put into the hands of irresponsible adults once a month, once every other month, once a year, or ever. It’s just not acceptable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> “Geez, why doncha just do away with checking altogether?” the red-bloods ask mockingly. “And then it’ll be just like girls’ hockey.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I’m okay with that, actually. None of the life lessons hockey teaches involve head injuries.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">One of the reasons I’d be okay with youth hockey minus checking has to do with equipment. Equipment manufacturers say that their equipment is better than ever. It is; it’s better at turning kids into high-speed battering rams.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This isn’t just a hockey thing. Football is struggling with the same problem. Advancements in protective equipment for both sports do a much better job of protecting the deliverer of the blow than the receiver. There is no “concussion-proof” helmet. There is no fail-safe knee brace.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The inventors of such things would enjoy untold riches through organizational endorsements and grateful-parent purchases, so I don’t necessarily think hockey parents should underwrite the development of truly safe equipment through higher fees. But if that’s the way it’s going to get done, surcharge away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I used to think better equipment was the ultimate way of making hockey safer. Now I think it’s probably the least necessary component in the equation. The ultimate answer isn’t scientific; it’s cultural.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Here is where we really need answers. Rules and punishments come to a dead stop when they run into the head-knocking red-bloods – parents, coaches, players, and organizational officials -- that make up an unfortunately large part of hockey culture.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I may not have the answers, but I have a few suggestions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Coaches need to take this stuff seriously and realize it’s not the game they played for the most part. It’s a faster, better game played by more larger, faster, more highly skilled players. That’s the game they have to teach, and if they can’t teach it, they have to step aside in favor of someone who can.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Parents need to realize the same thing, plus the following: You are not your child. Their aspirations and accomplishments are not your aspirations and accomplishments. And they are very likely not going to make the NHL regardless of how much ice time they get, how many goals they score, what the referees do or don’t do, or how many minutes they spend in the box. Also, it is not all right for your child to hit another child in the head, or from behind, or in any illegal manner, no matter how spectacularly the other kid falls. One of these times he’s not going to get up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Referees need to make the calls knowing enough to make the calls, and knowing there will be no repercussions from any quarter for making the calls.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Equipment manufacturers need to step it up. Protecting young hockey players is at least as important as protecting young football players.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Finally, the sanctioning bodies have to muzzle the red-bloods who don’t understand why squirts can’t body-check, show a little red blood of their own, and vow to eliminate head contact from the game, and do whatever – <i>whatever</i>—it takes to make that occur – up to and including removing checking from youth hockey.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">If checking could be removed from the game for a time, all the people who play hockey simply for the violence might leave, and then if body contact were to be gradually reintroduced commensurate with improvements in equipment, the game might eventually become what it can be – a fast, free-flowing, beautiful sport that above all rewards speed and skill. But that’s not a guarantee. It’s a pipedream.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">For my part, I’ll never be able to replace the thrill I got seeing my son charge like a stallion onto the ice to start his shift, the joy I felt seeing the joy he derived from the game. That’s gone forever, and whatever he does in any other sport will never replace that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">At the very end I come back to the story of another parent from Andy’s team, a tough little guy, brusque and abrasive but honest as the day is long, someone I like and respect. In high school this guy was one of those types who was immediately good at any sport he picked up. Hockey was his favorite sport; he played it well and played hard. He couldn’t tell me how many concussions he sustained, but he assured me it was a big number.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He has a dead spot on his brain now from too many concussions, and Parkinson’s. His last five years have been a continual series of ER visits, tests at Mayo and near-death experiences, all traceable to concussions, all traceable to hockey.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He asked Andy, “How many concussions is this?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Three,” Andy answered.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Take my word for it,” he replied. “The fourth one’s not worth it.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s not worth it. And I can’t convince myself that a third is worth it, or a second, or even a first, and I can’t honestly tell parents or kids that it’s worth it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So my son and I are walking away from hockey, for different reasons. I know my son’s future is bright, and I’ll be okay. I’m not so sure about the sport. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">Postscript: After I wrote this I shared it, as a whole or in condensed form, with many people whom I consider to be experts in sports medicine, hockey, or writing. Some disagreed with emphasis or wording, but no one disagreed substantially with anything presented in this piece. A hockey coach in Regina, Sask., who was one of Andy’s first coaches said “yep,” and sent me a link to a piece on young officials giving up officiating because of fan abuse. A veteran high-school and semipro hockey official said “yep.” A high-ranking official in minor-league hockey said “yep.” The local high-school hockey coach said “yep.” The former team doctor of the Boston Red Sox said “yep.” The parents of Andy’s former teammates said “yep.” A number of red-blooded hockey fans said “yep.” There’s obviously a problem. The question is whether enough people care sufficiently about a solution.</span></i></div>
Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-35094963187051155842013-11-20T08:52:00.002-08:002013-11-20T08:55:13.154-08:00You Deserve A Grimace Today<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hate when I’m reminded of things I’d forgotten about the
Handful O’Landfill era, because then I’m reminded of things I’d forgotten about
the Handful O’Landfill era.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Some people join the French Foreign Legion to forget. Me, I
went into dental insurance. But only because the 401(k) was better.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The story behind this case of institutional remembering is
that my lovely wife needed file folders, so I emptied out some of my voluminous
chronicles of the Decline and Fall of the Trading-Card Business, mostly the
stuff dealing with Collect-A-Card and its various products.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Collect-A-Card is interesting. It may not get its own
chapter in the Decline and Fall etc., but it certainly merits several healthy
paragraphs.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The short history of Collect-A-Card is this: It had one huge
hit with Coca-Cola cards, came close with a couple other properties and bombed
with the rest, and the bosses got out while the getting was good.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Put another way, if Collect-A-Card was a Cy Young Award
winner it would have been Doug Drabek.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Collect-A-Card was out of Greenville, S.C., and had a whole
mess of sly-foxy good-ol’-boyness about it, most of it emanating from the
company’s president, Neil Connor. Neil had a swell gold pinky ring, a Sam Snead
golf swing, a gold chain around his neck he got from doubling down on
par-threes, and a taste for sippin’ liquor.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was fun to watch dealers and distributors, guys who
thought they knew their way around a sheepskin deal (read: fleece), think they
had had really put one over on the Collect-A-Card boys, only to come away with
40 cases of Dinotopia, 10 cases of Campbell’s Soup, five cases of Coca-Cola
Polar Bears, a couple of cases of metal cards, 500,000 assorted POGs, and only
one case of the Coke cards they’d come for.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Connor’s right-hand man, Nelson Wheeler, was particularly
sharp. He had a voice that sounded like a blue-tick hound gargling with Red Man
chewing tobacco and spitting Southern Comfort, but he was nobody’s fool. He
wasn’t even nobody’s court-appointed legal counsel. He could go into a knife
fight with a vegetable peeler and come away with an order for a dozen more
knives. The reason Collect-A-Card was able to turn one so-so property (as
cardable licenses go, Coca-Cola was no Looney Tunes or Disney) into a decade of
prosperity was because Neil and Nelson did a mess of deals sweeter than South
Carolina iced tea.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Collect-A-Card had the original Power Rangers license
(Connor still swears he did a better job with the property than Upper Deck, and
that statement gets truer as the years go by), and made Corvette sets, about a
dozen different varieties of Coke sets (base, POGs, premium, superpremium,
superultrapremium, metal, Polar Bears, and business class), and a set of
Olympic logos in addition to the aforementioned Dinotopia and Campbell’s Soup
set. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then, in a moment of weakness, Collect-A-Card did the
McDonaldland 500 set.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-C60iYyfM6YE/UozoxD9sGeI/AAAAAAAAAzw/PpnwOlOyGRM/s1600/McD+001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-C60iYyfM6YE/UozoxD9sGeI/AAAAAAAAAzw/PpnwOlOyGRM/s640/McD+001.jpg" width="488" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had remembered just about everything about Collect-A-Card
except the McDonaldland 500. CAC called these “fantasy cards,” which is about
right, since calling them collector cards was absolutely a flight of fancy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Recalling now the circumstances around their creation,
Connor wanted to do for McDonald’s what he had done for Coke – create a set
showing old ads and memorabilia, maybe do some burger-shaped POGs, follow it up
with some metal cards, and include a Fisher-Price Hamburglar in every pack. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
McDonald’s either wasn’t buying the whole nostalgia trip or
wanted Collect-A-Card to show its good faith, so it said, “Do a McDonaldland
500 set.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At this point, anyone with lesser confidence in their
ability to sell Bears jerseys to Packer fans would have bailed – but not Neil
Connor. And this was one case where the good ol’ boy got his, because the
McDonaldland 500 was a dogburger. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ll quote from the product description in all its
grammatically incorrect glory and let you make your own conclusions: “Join the
fun in this premier collection of ‘The Adventures of Ronald McDonald®’
characters in the most exciting stock car race of the year … ‘The McDonaldland®
500’!!! Hamburglar will be using every trick in the book to capture the
beautiful winner’s trophy which is filled with the one thing he simply can’t
resist … hamburgers! Ronald McDonald will be driving the ‘Ronald Rocket’ and
pulling out the stops in an effort to overcome Hamburglars mischievous plans.
Will Ronald be able to stop him? Grab a few packs and follow this exciting
action adventure!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m pretty sure I didn’t write that. I would have put four
exclamation points after “McDonaldland® 500.”<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Breaking it down as a marketer would (and I do that on
occasion), the McDonaldland 500 set offered the Ronald McDonald characters<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[1]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a>,
which taken as a group had less marketing oomph than the cast of <i>Moesha</i>, in a
racing story – all you genuine stories out there, please don’t take it
personally – unsupported by any other medium, with only the most tenuous
connection to a Tier-1.5 NASCAR driver (Bill Elliott). Yeah, the packs were
only 79 cents and included seven cards and a sticker, but seven cards of what
and a sticker of what? Seven cards of five characters, with a sticker showing
one of the selfsame five characters and maybe a car, all rendered with the same
precision of line exhibited by Peter Max in kindergarten. They couldn’t even
have Birdie autographed cards because she’s a bird. She can’t hold a pen. She
doesn’t have fingers.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There were also reports of “three special insert cards
featuring the real ‘McDonald’s® Racing team driver, Bill Elliott™’ plus other
fun items,” but I never stuck around to learn what the fun items were, or why
“Bill Elliott” is a trademarked phrase <a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[2]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a>,
or what the quotation marks meant. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here’s a contemporary analogy. The McDonaldland 500 set is
like redoing <i>Criminal Minds</i> with the cows
from the Chick-Fil-A ads, and making a trading-card set of that.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(You listening, Upper Deck?)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Contractual Obligation Set that it clearly seemed to be, the
McDonaldland 500 set made a quick lap around the track and was gone. On one
hand, that’s a blessing. The product died before parents could get up in arms
over a set of trading cards that uses cartoon characters to sell fat- and
sugar-laden fast food to kids. (After seeing what public opinion did to Coors
Cards, never underestimate the American public’s ability to whack down any
trading-card set with a loose association to life’s milder vices. Never mind
the multitudinous sports cards of tokers, dopers, intravenous drug users,
aggravated assaulters, and miscellaneous misogynists.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On the other hand, Collect-A-Card never was able to make a
regular McDonald’s set, more’s the pity. Ol’ Neil and Nelson might have done
something with that.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
</div>
<div>
<!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><br clear="all" />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<!--[endif]-->
<br />
<div id="ftn1">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[1]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a> Ronald, Grimace, Hamburglar, Birdie the Early
Bird, and the Fry Kids, in case you’ve forgotten.</div>
</div>
<div id="ftn2">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[2]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a> Because
if I’m trademarking the name of a Tier-1.5 NASCAR driver, I’m going Coo Coo
Marlin all the way.</div>
</div>
</div>
<div>
<div id="ftn2">
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<div id="ftn2" style="mso-element: footnote;">
</div>
</div>
Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-13034263437435861222013-11-06T14:11:00.002-08:002013-11-16T05:31:20.608-08:00Bored Game Theory<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In the incomparable Preston Sturges screwball comedy <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Palm Beach Story</i> Claudette Colbert
wants a divorce, so she hops in a cab and asks the cab driver where he’d get a
divorce. (They don’t call ‘em “screwball comedies” for nothing.) The cabbie
looks at her and says, “Well, most people go to Reno, Nevada, but for my money,
it's Palm Beach. This time of the year you've got the track, you've got the
ocean, you've got the palm trees. Three months. You leave from Penn Station.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I was thinking of that this morning as I was framing the lede
to this column. Most people who want to seriously lose their shirt go to Vegas,
but for my money, you invent a game. You got copyright costs, printing costs,
marketing costs, shady middlemen, the evil Wal-Mart megalith, Third World
knocker-offers, Toy Fair booths, licensing fees, legal fees, sales tax, cease-and-desist
orders, and in the end nobody buys games anymore anyway. Three months. You
leave from Penn Station. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Throughout the Handful O’Landfill era I was connected in
some way with the creation of half a dozen games, some better than others. The
collectible card game I created in a morning in a construction office in San
Clemente, Calif., was not so good. The APBA sports-simulation games, particularly
an incredible hockey sim Baron Bedesky and I cranked out over two days in a
Buffalo hotel room preparatory to eating fried-baloney sandwiches at a Bisons
game, were much better. The APBA board games were okay, the game-like things we
did for SkyBox and Pinnacle were game-like, and today’s subjects are right in
there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And this doesn’t even cover all the other games that made it
onto the garbage truck without my help, including Marvel Overpower and DC
Whatever, countless reboots of the Cadaco All-Star Baseball game, MLB playing
cards, Donruss’ ill-fated Top of the Order game which wasn’t really ill-fated
because it got what it deserved, and the Topps MLB collectible-figurine game
that I still claim was the greatest waste of a can’t-miss license this side of
Comic Ball.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The facts were that APBA and Strat-O-Matic players didn’t
want the purity of their cards sullied by non-necessities like pictures,
nothing was more fun than a 1968 Topps baseball card game, virtually all game
play came down to rolling dice and/or walking a pawn around a board, and how
can that compete with a virtually realified first-person-shooter game where you
steal zombies’ cars and kill pirates with nuclear missiles you fire out of your
... uh, nostrils?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It is into that environment that we chuck today’s game
contestants, Spellcast and the Jim Thome Baseball Game.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We got to know the creators of Spellcast at the New York
International Toy Fair. We were booth neighbors, back in the part of the
exhibit hall otherwise inhabited by goldbricking janitors, union stewards,
intravenous drug users, and our client’s accountant, who liked to hit on women.
The exhibitionists didn’t even go back there because, hey, they’re not doing
this just for their own gratification, you know.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Qs0sZlk0558/UnsGIY0yv0I/AAAAAAAAAzA/VDHmnne23fc/s1600/SPELLCAST+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Qs0sZlk0558/UnsGIY0yv0I/AAAAAAAAAzA/VDHmnne23fc/s400/SPELLCAST+copy.jpg" width="308" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Two Manitoban sisters, Nicole Rondeau and Karen Laboissoie,
created the game as an alternative to knitting curling stones. (The nights get
long and boring in Winnipeg, and yarn is cheap.) Spellcast deals with magic and
witches and spells, obviously, it’s ostensibly for girls without being
hopelessly girly, it’s designed beautifully but totally unprofessionally, in a
way that torches as much money as possible, and it plays in a delightfully
roundabout way. It also includes stones, which makes it pretty much unusable
for anyone under the age of four, and all boys.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Its few flaws aside – nothing that couldn’t have been
corrected by a major manufacturer with a little want-to – Spellcast is a fine
game totally deserving of a larger audience, yet the game’s chances of going
big were about as great as the accountant’s chances of getting to first base
with the sisters. Dice and stones and want-to can only take you so far.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It was quite a trip to New York for Karen and Nicole
nonetheless. They came to the city with a gross of sellsheets and a handful of clips
from the<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Winnipeg Free Press </i>and the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Vicki Gabareau Show</i>. They came away with
a gross of sellsheets minus 17, a couple of presumptive wholesalers who were
extremely excited but obviously worthless, and the memories of a mugging at the
World Trade Center. (Pre-9/11, obviously.) I tried to help on all fronts but
there wasn’t much to be done.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I lost track of Nicole several years ago, and Karen long
before that. The printers were not being kind to Nicole, the sisters had split,
and she was trying to go it alone. She was slowly, reluctantly coming around to
the realization that despite all her best efforts, it wasn’t going to happen. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The part of the business that sucks the most is when good
people with big dreams get whacked. It happened to Nicole and Karen, and it
also happened to the people behind the Jim Thome Baseball Game.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PaGMefoum2Q/UodzaRQ85yI/AAAAAAAAAzY/oY-MsEVavfg/s1600/Thome+1+001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="275" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PaGMefoum2Q/UodzaRQ85yI/AAAAAAAAAzY/oY-MsEVavfg/s400/Thome+1+001.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Nice” doesn’t begin to describe the JTBG people. They’re
the people who would stop their car on a screaming freeway to free a butterfly
from their windshield wipers, and they wouldn’t care if it wasn’t a butterfly
anymore but a collection of butterfly parts. If they were soup they’d be homemade
chicken dumpling, if they were power tools they would be an electric chainsaw
with no chain, and if they were a TV show they would be <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Teletubbies.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br />
</i>And Jim Thome! Name a nicer 600-home-run hitter not named Henry Aaron. Name
a nicer nearly active 500-home-run hitter who doesn’t walk around with a
chemical cloud over his head. Name a nicer 400-home-run hitter who actually hit
600 home runs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UWyA8qYx3fk/UodzY8Poz0I/AAAAAAAAAzU/OBM9unM3_1Y/s1600/Thome+1+002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UWyA8qYx3fk/UodzY8Poz0I/AAAAAAAAAzU/OBM9unM3_1Y/s320/Thome+1+002.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Naturally the JTBG people were from Wisconsin, some quaintly
named southern-Wisconsin hamlet like Roche-A-Cri or Montello. They were led by
a retired businessman named Bob Montminy, who had assembled an army of local
investors around a concept that was going to revolutionize tabletop baseball
games. There are these dice, you see, and these pawns that you move around the
board, and this part of the box stands up so it looks like a stadium wall, and
when you roll snake eyes it’s actually a “big double,” and that means everyone
on base scores, and –<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-evzz6RQYr9I/UodzafyF78I/AAAAAAAAAzk/wCI7THNnQs8/s1600/Thome+1+003.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-evzz6RQYr9I/UodzafyF78I/AAAAAAAAAzk/wCI7THNnQs8/s320/Thome+1+003.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">Listen: I’m not trying to mock these guys because they’re so
doggone nice, and I know Bob Montminy dumped all his financial and personal
capital into the project, but the Jim Thome Baseball Game is just another
baseball game, no more or less playable than a score of similar games.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">[1]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a> It
is, however, the best baseball-simulation game with the picture of a really
nice 600-home-run hitter on its box.<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[endif]--></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Not content with one unnecessary cash outlay, the JTBG folks
quickly reskinned the game as “Ebbets Field Baseball,” and switched the JTBG’s
generic wall for the legendary ballpark’s legendary wall, with similar results.
The resale shops and five-and-dimes of south-central Wisconsin teem with these
games the way Buzzfeed teems with literary Pixy Stix. It’s not an accident.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I wish I could write about how games were the Yellow Brick
Road for Karen and Nicole and Bob Montminy, how they were better than a Palm
Beach divorce for a screwball heroine. They weren’t, and we’re all a little
worse off for that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to dry my tears and fire a
few more rounds out of my … nostrils. I love the smell of cordite in the
morning.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>1095</o:Words>
<o:Characters>6242</o:Characters>
<o:Company>Noel Group</o:Company>
<o:Lines>52</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>14</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>7323</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>14.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br clear="all" />
</span><br />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<!--[endif]-->
<br />
<div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">[1]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
The rule of thumb with baseball board games is: The more realistic the game the
more painful it is to play. The extreme example of this is Pursue the Pennant,
which has been linked to more than 7,400 cases of OxyContin abuse.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-37421627920018643032013-10-29T05:07:00.001-07:002013-10-29T05:09:19.147-07:00The Wild, Wild Turkey<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I have a wonderful son with a great engineering mind who seems to live in
ignorance of the last 300 years of technological advancement.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">For instance, the other day he said he wants to build a car.
This is all well and good; for him to say he wants to build a car is a great
leap forward in logic, and will also save me the expense of buying him a car
later, even if this car winds up in a pile behind the fence, along with the
other points on his particular learning curve.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">However, then he said he wants to make the pistons out of
wood, and machine them on his lathe. This is the point where we had The Talk.
This is not The Talk you may be used to; this version of The Talk begins with
me saying, “Just because you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">can</i> do
something doesn’t mean you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">should</i> do
it,” and concludes with him going ahead and doing it anyway, because he’s a
14-year-old boy, and you know, what the hell.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">One of the big problems with the trading-card business
during the Handful O’Landfill era was that there were always figurative parents
having The Talk and figurative 14-year-olds going ahead and doing it anyway,
because, you know, what the hell. And you could do autographed chase cards.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We were the parents in this particular scenario, which tells
you how messed-up this business was. It got so that companies wouldn’t tell us
they were going to carve a particular piston out of wood; they would just hand
us a half-chunked-out piston-thing and say, “Here; see what you can do with
this.” And we would throw in some autographed chase cards and call it a day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">TV shows and movies were the worst for The Talk. Just
because a TV show or movie was popular or looked like it was going to be
popular did not mean that it needed, wanted, or deserved a trading-card set, or
that anyone would want to buy said trading-card set simply because the series
or movie was popular or was projected to be popular. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There has never been a time when hot TV show = great hot
card set. Even in the Golden Age of Trading Cards, which for the purposes of
this column we will say was the early 1960s, manufacturers did not rush
willy-nilly after the hottest TV shows. Here are the top ten TV shows from
October 1964-April 1965:</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
</div>
<ol>
<li><i style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">Bonanza</i></li>
<li><i style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">Bewitched</i></li>
<li><i style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">Gomer
Pyle U.S.M.C.</i></li>
<li><i style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">The
Andy Griffith Show</i></li>
<li><i style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">The
Fugitive</i></li>
<li><i style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">The
Red Skelton Hour</i></li>
<li><i style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">The
Dick Van Dyke Show</i></li>
<li><i style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">The
Lucy Show</i></li>
<li><i style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">Peyton
Place II</i></li>
<li><i style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">Combat!</i></li>
</ol>
<!--[if !supportLists]--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">While many of these shows have had trading-card sets subsequently, only three –
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Gomer Pyle, Combat!, </i>and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bewitched</i> – had trading-card sets at the
peak of their popularity (and bear in mind: this was three-network popularity
in a society where people stayed home at night and watched TV, so this
popularity was pretty darn popular). None of the sets were well-liked by
collectors then or now. They were dogs of a certain breed, and object lessons
in not chasing the latest hot TV show or movie.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Could Topps or Fleer (or Donruss, which made an early splash
with its <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Combat!</i> cards) have made a
pretty good set out of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bonanza</i>? Sure.
Should they have? Based on the lack of success of the other TV-series sets that
year, probably not. Fleer was smart to stick with its steady diet of Beatles,
Beatles, and more Beatles, and Topps was very smart to stick with its homegrown
solutions, and that whole sports thing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">All of which is just a rambling preamble to this week’s
featured performers – and I use that term loosely, since “performers” in this
context usually means something or something that performed well. That is
definitely not the case here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7oaCD93CbGc/Um-ki2HXPEI/AAAAAAAAAyU/IOae9aCizZM/s1600/Column+001+West.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7oaCD93CbGc/Um-ki2HXPEI/AAAAAAAAAyU/IOae9aCizZM/s400/Column+001+West.jpg" width="286" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">First up chronologically is the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wild Wild West </i><u>movie</u> set. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wild Wild West </i>was a great TV show, though to modern eyes it sometimes
seems as wheezy as the steam locomotive that chugs through the opening credits.
Still, it had panache, and Robert Conrad and Ross Martin were a hell of a team.
Conrad would careen through scenes like the love child of Steve McQueen and a
Superball, Martin would underplay like mad and smirk like crazy, and the whole
enterprise rolled along merrily but implausibly, like some loony
perpetual-motion machine.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wild Wild West </i>the
TV show would have made a great trading-card set, but you can’t fault Topps and
Fleer for not pulling the proverbial trigger. There was no consistent track
record for TV-show sets, and Topps and Fleer in those days were not 14-year-old
boys fond of going ahead and doing it anyway.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wild Wild West </i>the
movie was a different story altogether. It upped the implausibility factor by
about 630 by putting Will Smith in the title role, and it blew the
scriptwriting budget on extra gelignite. There was less chemistry </span>than there is in a buttermilk pancake <span style="font-family: inherit;">between Smith
and Kevin Kline (his Artemus Gordon), and
the entire enterprise was a colossal, laughless, lifeless, money-hemorrhaging
flop. And Will Smith raps over the closing credits.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The clues to this property’s impeding stinkiness were
legion, but let’s start here: Remakes of this sort have never, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever worked. Sure, let’s nod and wink and blow stuff up and get a
name actor to play the lead. It didn’t work for<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> The Dukes of Hazzard</i>, it didn’t work for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Addams Family</i>, it didn’t work for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bewitched</i>, it didn’t work for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Charlie’s
Angels</i>, it didn’t work for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dragnet</i>,
it didn’t work for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Beverly
Hillbillies, </i>it barely works for the Marvel movies, and it doesn’t work
here.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">[1]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So, supposing you’re SkyBox and you have the license for
this turkey – and because you’re relatively shrewd (meaning shrewder than a
table lamp) you can hear this one gobble a mile off – what do you do? Your
basic choices are:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
</div>
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">Jump off the caboose while you can, eat the
licensing fee, but live to print a different gold-foil card another day; or</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">Ride this train all the way to its certain
demise, which looks like the train scene in </span><i style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">Bridge
On The River Kwai </i><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">only with none of the drama but a whole lot more C4
because, you know, what the hell.</span></li>
</ol>
<!--[if !supportLists]--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Obviously the answer is No. 1, and just as obviously, SkyBox
did No. 2.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sure, SkyBox should have known better. But those days were
all about not knowing better, and/or doing things in spite of knowing better. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-u-Qsii9XN5s/Um-kjTSk_4I/AAAAAAAAAyg/vt5MFnQA7IE/s1600/Column+001+Sopranos.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="286" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-u-Qsii9XN5s/Um-kjTSk_4I/AAAAAAAAAyg/vt5MFnQA7IE/s400/Column+001+Sopranos.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So, let’s move ahead six calendar years, to the twilight of
the Handful O’Landfill era. Presumably age brings wisdom, but here we have a
card from Inkworks' <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Sopranos</i> set. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We won’t even mess around with the normal cheap cracks.
Here’s what’s wrong with a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Sopranos</i>
set:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;">
</div>
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">The show’s not even on frigging network TV. More
people saw the single episode of </span><i style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">Ball
Four</i><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;"> than saw a whole season of </span><i style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">The
Sopranos.</i><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> Based on </span>comparable<span style="font-family: inherit;"> viewership, the </span></span><i style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">Candlepin
Bowling From New Hampshire </i><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">set ought to be a go.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">It’s a kids’
collectible, not a document of societal progress sold five to a pack. The same medium that spawned Garbage Pail Kids, Wacky Packs, Odd Rods, or Baseball Weird-Ohs cannot also accommodate cards of scenes from an R-rated mobster psychodrama.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">There wasn’t a trading-card set for the </span><i style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">Godfather</i><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;"> movies, and how can you make
cards for a modern-day </span><i style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">Godfather</i><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;"> if
you don’t make a set for the original?</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The demographic is way off. It’s not like anyone
was expecting eight-year-old boys to snap up these things. But the 45-year-old
guys who were ostensibly the target of this set are the wrong 45-year-old guys.
The target </span>audience<span style="font-family: inherit;"> was downstairs watching the Astros and Mariners while the other 45-year-old
guys were upstairs, decanting their shiraz, making their own </span>buffalo<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span>mozzarella,<span style="font-family: inherit;"> and watching </span></span><i style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">The Sopranos</i><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">. And never the twain shall meet.</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">For all its </span>nonconformist<span style="font-family: inherit;"> aspects it's a totally conventional, straight-ticket-voting trading-card set. There was an opportunity to do something off-the-map with a </span><i style="font-family: inherit;">Sopranos</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"> set, like include a horse's head in every pack, give away an affair with Edie Falco or </span>offer<span style="font-family: inherit;"> show-used-pastrami cards instead of some stupid holographic </span></span>gewgaw. But no, it's just gold foil and die-cuts and autographs, like every other contemporary non-sport set ever.</li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">Who wants to collect a picture of some old guy
in a stupid cap?</span></li>
</ol>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RgZVssm01fw/Um-ki-ym2ZI/AAAAAAAAAyc/9BoWudcfD0w/s1600/Casey.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RgZVssm01fw/Um-ki-ym2ZI/AAAAAAAAAyc/9BoWudcfD0w/s320/Casey.jpg" width="228" /></a></div>
<!--[if !supportLists]--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Scratch that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>1080</o:Words>
<o:Characters>6162</o:Characters>
<o:Company>Noel Group</o:Company>
<o:Lines>51</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>14</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>7228</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>14.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br clear="all" />
</span><br />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<!--[endif]-->
<br />
<div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">[1]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></span></a><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> They get it all wrong. If
these modern remakers got their hands on <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Gone
With The Wind</i>, they’d spend all their money making the burning of Atlanta
even bigger, and not try to fix all the stuff that breaks in the original <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">after</i> they burn Atlanta.</span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
</div>
Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-90486142515116884442013-10-13T18:43:00.003-07:002013-10-14T06:42:14.761-07:00Game, Set, Blanch<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>1047</o:Words>
<o:Characters>5972</o:Characters>
<o:Company>Noel Group</o:Company>
<o:Lines>49</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>14</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>7005</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>14.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:DocumentProperties>
<o:Revision>0</o:Revision>
<o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime>
<o:Pages>1</o:Pages>
<o:Words>1061</o:Words>
<o:Characters>6051</o:Characters>
<o:Company>Noel Group</o:Company>
<o:Lines>50</o:Lines>
<o:Paragraphs>14</o:Paragraphs>
<o:CharactersWithSpaces>7098</o:CharactersWithSpaces>
<o:Version>14.0</o:Version>
</o:DocumentProperties>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
<w:UseFELayout/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="276">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]-->
<!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">If you’ve followed this column you know I’ve chronicled Handful
O’Landfill-era sets for every major sport except one. Can you guess what sport?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">That’s right: Caber tossing. So today we’re going to look at the Score
CaberMasters set, featuring action portraits of superstar telephone-pole-tossers
and haggis-eaters painted by noted sports artist Dick Perez.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 14.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sorry. That didn’t happen, though probably not for lack of want-to.
Lack of Scotsmen in the upper echelons of card-company management is to blame.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">[1]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Actually, the sport is tennis. I hadn’t planned on writing about
tennis cards, but I was rummaging through a drawer looking for pictures of my
loved ones to decorate my new digs and came upon not one but two tennis sets
from the days of legwarmers and poofy hair. And you should have seen the women.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Before we get too far down this particular road to the landfill, let
me say that tennis is my game. I have gladly given the game my shoulder and
elbow and enough knee skin to make a nice mackintosh, and this noon I’m gonna
give some more. I love tennis. I love smacking something round and fuzzy as
hard as I can – in the context of the game – uh, tennis, I mean. It keeps me
out of jail.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I even enjoy watching tennis, in a limited sense. I learn something
every time I watch. Yesterday I learned that Andy Murray will never be any fun
at all, even if you pumped him full of Yukon Jack and stuck him at the top of a
bobsled run.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">However, as much as I love playing tennis and enjoy watching tennis, I
have never, ever smacked my forehead and said, “You know the one thing that’s
missing from my total enjoyment of the game I love? Tennis cards! I wanna be
able to trade two Jo-Wilfried Tsongas for a Mardy Fish and a Li Na rub-off!”<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">[2]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">While I may want as many pictures of Serena Williams as I can get my
grimy hands on, I do not want them in a 2-1/2-by-3-1/2 format, unless you’re
talking feet. Or meters.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Also, the ugly truth is that I am not exactly the target demographic
for trading-card buyers, unless you’re pushing the Famous Caskets set, or the
Clip Art Of Sixty-Somethings Dressed In White And Dancing On A Beach set. Then
I’m right there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WI1ogOGer8c/UltLehumztI/AAAAAAAAAx4/Bo0pP-Da0EY/s1600/Stewart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WI1ogOGer8c/UltLehumztI/AAAAAAAAAx4/Bo0pP-Da0EY/s320/Stewart.jpg" width="227" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Pressing on, leave us first examine the 49-card NetPro Legends set,
from 1991. NetPro made a couple of tennis sets before the money ran out, then
got pumped up again in the mid-2000s and is still out there selling tennis
cards to the demi-masses. It’s either a money-making proposition or the
greatest tax dodge since the United States Football League.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">NetPro made <i>serious</i> tennis
cards, which is better than making whimsical tennis cards, but only
theoretically. If no one buys tennis cards, it wouldn’t matter if you made
death-metal tennis cards. You’ll still sell the usual half-dozen sets.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The NetPro tennis set was not geared toward the rookie-chasing hot-card
speculator. It features the first widely available card of Rod Laver, but on
the So? Scale that’s only slightly above the fact that this set has the Anne
Smith rookie. It’s asking a lot for Roddo to carry this set on his spindly
legs. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Okay, there’s more than Laver to this set. There’s Arthur Ashe, who
was half the tennis player Laver was but twice the cultural icon; John
Newcombe, he of the droopy mustache and bottomless panache; Tracy Austin, the
queen of tennis for all leg-warmer-wearing poofy-hairs everywhere; Billie Jean
King without Bobby Riggs; and … and that’s about it. No McInroe, no Connors, no
Chrissie Evert, no Bjorn Borg And His Hair, no Ivan Lendl And His Teeth, no
Martina Navratilova, no Boris Becker – but, hey, here’s Roscoe Tanner!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LJ2UHXnHAT4/UltLblbZ6zI/AAAAAAAAAxg/GueWO6iPpYw/s1600/Budge.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LJ2UHXnHAT4/UltLblbZ6zI/AAAAAAAAAxg/GueWO6iPpYw/s320/Budge.jpg" width="227" /></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">You need to really be into tennis to get worked up over cards of Don
Budge and Ellsworth Vines, so naturally I got worked up over them. But I was
also gobsmacked by some of the players the set classifies as “legends.” The
legendary Chuck McKinley? The legendary Sherwood Stewart?<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">[3]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></a> The
legendary Judy Dalton? Really?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">If NetPro had really wanted to do a proper legends set, it would have
included cards of the aforementioned Connors et al. plus Riggs, Bill Tilden,
Jack Kramer, Helen Jacobs, Pancho Gonzales, Helen Wills Moody, Althea Gibson, Gottfried
von Cramm, and Fred Perry – Tilden especially. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In fairness, a second 49-card legends series was planned, ostensibly
with some of the aforementioned, though I have no memory of Series Two ever
going live and neither does the NetPro website, where you can buy the legends
set and other NetPro products from the archives/basement/court-appointed
receiver. This just reinforces what I’ve said all along: If you’re going to
make a tennis set, you gotta lead with Peaches Bartkowicz. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">A shame about the second series, because these cards use every
millimeter of poplar in service of the game. The pictures show tennis players
playing tennis, and provide compelling visual evidence of the game’s evolution from
long pants and small rackets to short pants and big(ger) rackets – if you’re
into compelling visual evidence of short pants. Me, I prefer the blow on the
head before bed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lp8mWP4JPZ8/UltLdma00JI/AAAAAAAAAx0/_X8vNsJJ_Uk/s1600/Laver.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="231" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lp8mWP4JPZ8/UltLdma00JI/AAAAAAAAAx0/_X8vNsJJ_Uk/s320/Laver.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The backs boil over with information, from playing style (outstanding;
why didn’t more cards do this?) to career highlights to additional facts of
interest. The card design is clunkier than a K-car with a busted U-joint (all
K-cars, in other words), but at the same time it’s more sincere than Linus’
pumpkin patch. NetPro honestly wanted to make the world’s best tennis cards,
and it was never swayed by the fact that the world really didn’t care.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">If NetPro is Linus, all sincere and soulful, the Ace Fact Pack is Lucy
– brash and loudmouthed and attractive in a love-it-or-hate-it way. (I always
thought Lucy wasn’t that bad-looking. She just needed to mix up the wardrobe
more. I mean, couldn’t she wear jeans just once?)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BMe255C1UDU/UltLbZx-F_I/AAAAAAAAAxY/_c4zgm9NARU/s1600/Connors.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BMe255C1UDU/UltLbZx-F_I/AAAAAAAAAxY/_c4zgm9NARU/s320/Connors.jpg" width="221" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Let’s get the ugliness out of the way: These cards have playing-card
backs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Playing-card backs – honestly? Instead of running the quite-good
pictures on one side and adding some more facts to the fairly-fact-filled backs
(fronts?), Ace decided to treat the world’s greatest tennis players like a
crazy-eights deck. The result is predictable. It’s uglier than a Chernobyl toad.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">However, there is absolutely no quibble with the player selection.
Every mid-‘80s player you would want to be in the set is there – McEnroe,
Connors, Lendl, Becker, Navratilova, Wilander, Evert, Edberg, and Graf. (Borg
had hung it up by then.) Pictures are solid, and every player has appropriate
career highlights. The design is totally British -- no wasted space, no puffery,
and unapologetically international. The only things missing are the crumbs from
the sausage roll.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Still, there’s no getting around the playing-card backs. The one
tennis-card set to have isn’t because you want to play pinochle with the
flipping things.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UgsgyApmdfA/UltLbQn51-I/AAAAAAAAAxc/bYRlaTNkpQ0/s1600/Evert.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UgsgyApmdfA/UltLbQn51-I/AAAAAAAAAxc/bYRlaTNkpQ0/s320/Evert.jpg" width="217" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I broke the seals on both these sets to write these columns. I hope
the Gods of Collectibility will forgive me, because I don’t regret it. Like
boxing cards, tennis cards were a noble effort in search of an audience. If
card history teaches us anything, it’s this: It’s always best to have the
audience first.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And always lead with Peaches Bartkowicz.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div>
<!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br clear="all" /></span>
<br />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<!--[endif]-->
<br />
<div id="ftn1">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[1]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> Upper Deck’s
Richard McWilliam came closest, but he was from a region south of Scotland.
South as the drill flies, through the earth’s crust.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn2">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[2]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"> I never understood why they called them “rub-offs”
when you’re clearly rubbing something on to something else. But what did we
know. You could have stuck any preposition in there, called them “rub-next-tos”
and we still would have rubbed them off onto the bathroom wall.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn3">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 10.0pt;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[3]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> Who I would have confused with Sherwood Schwartz, the
producer of <i>Gilligan’s Island</i>, if I
had known prior to today that there was such a person as Sherwood Stewart.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
</div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-39970875595462671922013-09-28T07:40:00.004-07:002013-12-11T14:25:11.144-08:00Extremely Dumb And Incredibly Stupid, Part II<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-oUJK12aqQE4/UkbqAEyZuiI/AAAAAAAAAxM/kxUzKkLd1jc/s1600/Daly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-oUJK12aqQE4/UkbqAEyZuiI/AAAAAAAAAxM/kxUzKkLd1jc/s320/Daly.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
You know I’m not a fan of racing cards. They take the
loudest, fastest, rudest, most spectacular sport this side of hurling and make
it look like Sunday in the park with George.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
Lots of things marginalized racing cards, especially the
trend towards larger sets. Mainly, though, racing cards were a victim of the
very thing that made other sports cards better through the ‘80s and ‘90s,
namely: better photographs.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
As cameras and lenses and film and computer color-correction
improved, the quality of action photography on trading cards blew up. I sat in
photographers’ wells at major stadiums with trading-card shooters like Brad
Newton and saw how they’d leave a camera with a telephoto lens the size of a Jack
LaLanne juicer focused on second base. When there was a play at second they
wouldn’t even look away from their main camera. They’d just reach over to the
second-base camera and hit the shutter. They didn’t have to focus or put their
eye to the viewfinder or anything. They’d have a perfect play-at-second-base
photo frozen like Ted Williams’ head, and it was effortless.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The problem with this high-tech photography when it’s
applied to racing is that every vestige of speed disappears. What makes <a href="http://www.vintageball.com/files/1979_Conlon_Cobb.jpg"><span style="color: blue;">Ty Cobb sliding
into third</span></a> the greatest baseball photo ever isn’t that every grain of dirt
he kicks up is frozen stock-still; it’s that some dirt is just a blur. The
photo makes Cobb look like he’s exploding into third, and that’s because the
picture was shot using relatively primitive equipment and a relatively slow
shutter speed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">That doesn’t happen with contemporary racing photography. Unless
you’re shooting dirt-track racing – and no one was – a fast camera with a fast
lens shooting fast film is going to make a car racing on asphalt look like it’s
standing still – because <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that’s what it’s
supposed to do</i>. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Problem is, cars standing still ain’t racin’. Unless you’re
Danica Patrick.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">No one ever understood that about racing cards. For a short
time we had Maxx Racing Cards as a client. Maxx was located in Mooresville,
N.C., a holler and a half from Charlotte and smack-dab in the middle of NASCAR
country. Those boys knew racin’ with a capital apostrophe – so naturally, they
wanted to do draft-pick cards. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We sat with them in the posh dining room of the Mooresville
Country Club, complemented the proprietor on the genuine knotty-pine paneling
they’d picked up at Lowe’s, drank sweet tea, and talked trading cards. Never
did the Maxx boys acknowledge that one of the major failings of racing cards
was they didn’t show <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">racing</i>. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It wasn’t just photography stringing up the Dukes of
Mooresville. Thanks to NASCAR’s all-seeing eye, cards of crashes were out, and
so were cards of the Busch brothers giving each other the finger. All Maxx had
to work with were cards of cars standing still, cards of drivers wearing mirror
shades, cards of crew members reading newspapers, and cards of trailers.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Companies like Maxx and Action Packed that did racing well
could make something reasonably compelling out of that. It was the amateurs
that brought racing cards’ shortcomings into focus.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">A& S Racing Collectables (sic) made cards of Indy-car
racing, a type of racing that’s better in every tangible way than NASCAR –
faster, louder, more dramatic – yet still manages to be an inferior product.
(That takes <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">work</i>, let me tell you.) </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">That inferiority carries over to the 1985-vintage C/DA-PPG
set. It’s the Indy-car racing of racing-card sets, and this Derek Daly card represents
the absolute nadir of racing carddom – a crummy, static picture of a mediocre
driver (12<sup>th</sup> at Indy, but didn’t race at Michigan or Pocono, and was
sitting at 39<sup>th</sup> in the Indy-car standings at the time these were
printed), on flimsy cardstock festooned with homemade graphics and the letter
“W” placed on the card front for no apparent reason. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">If you’re looking for a reason why SkyBox, Action Packed,
Pinnacle, Maxx, Traks, Pro Set, Press Pass, Finish Line, Upper Deck, Fleer, and
Racing Champions made NASCAR cards, and none of them wanted in on Indy-car
racing, here’s your reason. They saw this card.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Hard to drive with blood on your hands, eh, Derek?<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[endif]--></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Yt8yodN8AUo/UkbprcJYaQI/AAAAAAAAAw8/Y04eSlkRj98/s1600/Jones+3D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Yt8yodN8AUo/UkbprcJYaQI/AAAAAAAAAw8/Y04eSlkRj98/s400/Jones+3D.jpg" height="296" width="400" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Many columns ago we explained
how Pro Set’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Young Indiana Jones</i> set
was not the victim of a whack print job. Au contraire, Eau Claire: Pro Set
meant to do this. The cards are 3-D, and here’s the viewer put in every pack to
make the cards look normal (or as normal as anything can look when
viewed through red and blue cellophane).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I have a problem with the larger concept of 3-D, especially
as it’s applied to movies (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Great
Gatsby</i> in 3-D? Really? What’s next? <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wuthering
Heights </i>in 3-D? <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Finnegan’s Wake</i>
with flying pronouns<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">? Macbeth 3-D?</i>),
but I’m semi-okay with the 3-D glasses-things. Still, what does it say about
your set if you have to put a device in every pack to keep the product from
looking defective?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tdF1EDTaffk/Ukbpyi9AY1I/AAAAAAAAAxE/ZdIepgzwVxM/s1600/skateboard.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tdF1EDTaffk/Ukbpyi9AY1I/AAAAAAAAAxE/ZdIepgzwVxM/s400/skateboard.jpg" height="400" width="287" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Smaller card manufacturers in the Handful O’Landfill era
lived from license to license. If the movie or comic book or TV series hit (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Buffy The Vampire Slayer</i>, Evil
Ernie/Lady Death) the card company ate steak. If it didn’t (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Pagemaster, Dinotopia</i>) it ate hot dogs. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">If you imagine smaller manufacturers playing The Game of
Life, their path to wealth and happiness was the long one. The really long one.
The one that went off the board and twice around the coffee table, down the
stairs, over the dog, in and out of the hutch, and through the breakfast nook.
If a couple of peg children fell out in the process, so be it. Life’s tough
when you’re a small cardmaker in a plastic car.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s a 1930s M-G-M-musical approach to business, with the
aspiring starlet crushing it in the high-school musical while a Hollywood
producer just happens to be sitting in the audience, and it would have worked
if these companies hadn’t had such a tin ear for licenses. Lime Rock went from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Mad</i> magazine cards to NBA cheerleader
cards to muscle-car cards to draft-pick sets to Desert Storm cards to cards of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Starlog </i>magazine covers and Bozo the
Clown. Little Sun careened from Major League Writers to high-school baseball
all-stars to Wooden Award winners. Collect-A-Card bounced from Coca-Cola to
Campbell’s Soup to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dinotopia</i>. But no
one was less skilled at riding winners than Kayo.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Kayo started with a demi-successful boxing-card set, and
when that grubstake was overrun by Ringlords and others swiftly locked down the
license for the Professional Spring Football League. When the PSFL turned out
to be as substantial as a Miley Cyrus B-side, Kayo swooped in and picked up the
license for the National Skateboard Association.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Yeah, I didn’t know it existed, either, but here’s your proof:
A Chris Miller prototype card (and not the Chris Miller of the multiple concussions and unfulfilled NFL promise, though I can totally understand why someone with a history of head injuries would consider a pro-skateboarding career), replete with the claim that “Chris enjoys
surfing and artsy stuff.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
(What? Surfing's not artsy?)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Okay, but the thing is Kayo was probably thrilled to get the National Skateboard Association license, because it probably had <em>competition</em>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The Kayo Kidz were not on an island here. No no no no no no no no no. They undoubtedly had to beat back Little Sun and Lime Rock with their PSFL contract to bring home this puppy. And after they got it I'm sure they celebrated. Went and looked at artsy stuff or something.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Kayo had the best mascot in trading cards – a kangaroo,
shown here riding a skateboard<a href="file:///C:/Users/kitster/AppData/Local/Microsoft/Windows/Temporary%20Internet%20Files/Content.IE5/YFWXPDGG/When.docx" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: blue;">[1]</span></span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a>
– but having the best mascot in trading cards is like having the longest
toenails in Major League Soccer. It’s a whole lot better to have something that
makes money.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
On the other hand, if you had a marginal property like
<a href="http://prancercise.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Prancercise</span></a> and wanted a trading-card set, it was always nice to have a number
to call or a booth to visit at the licensing show and hear an eager voice say, “Prancercise cards? You
bet!”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
The call from reality could wait.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
<br />
</span><br />
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span><br />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<!--[endif]-->
<br />
<div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span><br />
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="file:///C:/Users/kitster/AppData/Local/Microsoft/Windows/Temporary%20Internet%20Files/Content.IE5/YFWXPDGG/When.docx" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: blue;">[1]</span></span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a><span style="font-size: x-small;">
Not that it had a lot of competition. Bazooka Joe doesn’t count. Neither does Lud Denny.</span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-19794644471684937012013-09-20T07:32:00.002-07:002013-11-19T14:13:24.824-08:00Extremely Dumb And Incredibly Stupid<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As I wrap up my current job and prepare for a new challenge, it's time to clean up some odds and ends I've had laying around my office and environs.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-P9D6p-jqiq4/UjxbxvF0PnI/AAAAAAAAAwQ/Ovvb0OJ3Jnk/s1600/Klesko.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-P9D6p-jqiq4/UjxbxvF0PnI/AAAAAAAAAwQ/Ovvb0OJ3Jnk/s320/Klesko.jpg" width="191" /></span></a></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">When I was editing coin magazines in Iola – no, wait; let me
back up and mention how I wound up editing coin magazines in Iola.</span></div>
<div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
I had been working for an ad agency in Wausau, Wis., that
one day decided, Baltimore Colts-style, to move 200 miles south to Milwaukee
and not tell me. I came to work one day and there was a sign on the door
reading, “Moved to Milwaukee. Sorry.” Moved to Milwaukee? Really? After I
created “The Wausau Center Mall Polka”<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: blue;">[1]</span></span></span></span></a>
just for them? That’s gratitude.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">After the unemployment ran out I was like Alexander the
Great, weeping because there were no more worlds to conquer, advertising-wise. I
really wanted to work for Krause Publications in Iola, Wis., because KP was
local and did magazines about baseball cards. So I pestered the heck out of the
HR guy until I got an interview for an editorial-assistant position on <i>World Coin News </i>– not <i>Baseball Cards</i> magazine by any stretch,
but the proverbial foot in the door. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">During the interview, and sometime before he told me the
starting salary was 14<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: blue;">[2]</span></span></span></span></a>,
the HR guy asked me, “Do you collect coins?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Of course,” I said. I didn’t tell him my coin collection
consisted of a half-full penny folder and a Band-Aid box full of dinged-up
silver dollars, worn-flat Liberty quarters, Canadian beaver-back nickels, and a
couple of bus tokens worth a total of $17.50. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">That was the clincher. I was officially on the staff of <i>World Coin News</i>, and not too many months
later, when the editor received a higher calling, I was named editor of <i>World Coin News</i>.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It was a position of not insignificant prestige in the
numismatic community, because it attracted weirdos like Mountain Dew attracts
hornets.</span></div>
<div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
My favorite was The Mighty Shane Vickers. I’m guessing that
was his full name, like Neil Patrick Harris, because whenever he wrote he never
called himself anything other than The Mighty Shane Vickers. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Anyway, The (as I was fond of calling him in those days) once
wrote me and demanded that his face be put on a coin emblazoned with the legend
“I AM THE MIGHTY SHANE VICKERS,” and the coin shown throughout the national
nightly news broadcasts of ABC, CBS, and NBC. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I don’t know what he thought I could do about it, and I
don’t remember what terrible calamity he promised if his request was not
carried out. It may have been something like, “Grant my wish or I will <a href="http://www.adweek.com/adfreak/dennis-rodman-goes-boom-pistachios-ad-fake-kim-jong-un-152494" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">star in a Wonderful Pistachios ad</span></a>.”</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Naturally, we turned over The Mighty Shane Vickers to the
authorities, who later made him Secretary of the Interior under George W. Bush.</span></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
The point of this autobiographical rambling is that The
Mighty Shane Vickers was the victim of bad timing. If he could have waited
another 10 years and learned to hit left-handed he could have had his face on a
coin, and he wouldn’t have had to enlist some schlubby $14,000-a-year man to
make it happen. Pinnacle would have done it for him. He still wouldn’t have
been any closer to Peter Jennings, though.</span></div>
<div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
</div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nBfNrco8_tA/Ujxb0uCwbzI/AAAAAAAAAwg/qexzeszCjPw/s1600/Goodwin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="348" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nBfNrco8_tA/Ujxb0uCwbzI/AAAAAAAAAwg/qexzeszCjPw/s400/Goodwin.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I haven’t been to the National Sports Collectors Convention
in more than 15 years, but I’m guessing that a card company still sponsors the
exhibitor badges. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I look at this one and see two things: a stable of great
SkyBox brands driven into the ground by the phine pholks at Phleer in Philly,
and Tom Goodwin.</span></div>
<div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
I’m not sure what message is being sent by putting Tom
Goodwin on my exhibitor’s badge. It either means I’m extremely good at being
extremely fast, or that I’m a one-time hot prospect reduced to being a
one-dimensional role player most skilled at riding the pine.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I’m going with the first explanation, though the second one
is certainly in play.</span></div>
<div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0GV83bklkUc/Ujxb1HsGznI/AAAAAAAAAwk/2i4aexkyQRk/s1600/Dart+Vietnam.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="223" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0GV83bklkUc/Ujxb1HsGznI/AAAAAAAAAwk/2i4aexkyQRk/s320/Dart+Vietnam.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There’s a genre of cards from the ‘30s that show pulpy art
of pulpy subjects. The most famous of these sets, G-Men and Horrors of War, look
like grade-school comic-book pictures of Chinese babies having their heads
blown off, printed on the inside of a cereal box and cut out with scissors. If
Topps put Lamb of God in charge of its non-sport division and hired Shane
McGowan to do quality control, this is the outcome you’d expect.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The guess is that Dart Flipcards was striving for that look
with its Vietnam War set, but made the mistake of opting for quality and
restraint over death-metal bands and toothless drunkards. The white cardstock (not
a good thing in this case) shows every detail of the overly sketchy artwork (not
a good thing, volume two). The card copy is bilingual but Canadian-polite in
both languages (not a good thing/pas une bonne chose). The overall look is
distinctive but not good-distinctive. More like homemade-distinctive.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">No one wants to open a pack of cards and see a crude
rendition of a burning child running naked down a Vietnamese road, unless
that’s what the subject matter demands. The Rape of Nanking was a brutal, despicable act that demanded a brutal, borderline-despicable card. Similarly, the crime-doesn't-pay message had to be hammered home in the '30s, because there was a growing body of evidence that crime paid a whole lot better than unemployment.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Dart opted to come down on the side of tact. The result isn't bad; it's merely wrong.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
More from the going-away (you wish) files next time.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
</div>
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: blue;">[1]</span></span></span></span></a>
Truly a fine piece of creative work, if I say so myself. Wausau was making a
Great Leap Forward with the construction of a downtown mall, and the city had
hired our advertising agency to do the creative. One day my boss walked into
our spacious-yet-dingy office above the King’s Knight discotheque in
west-central Wausau (or WesCen, as all the cool folks called it) and said, “We
need a mall jingle.” I went home and with my guitar and keyboard created a
paean to the revolutionary shopping experience that was the Wausau Center Mall,
and set it to the tune of “The Laughing Polka.” (Don’t ask me why I knew “The
Laughing Polka.” If you spent any time in central Wisconsin in the ‘70s and
‘80s, you knew polkas.) I can remember one of the verses went, “Oh when I was a little boy so many years
ago/I used to love my shopping, and shopping wasn’t slow/But now I have a place
to go that’s just like way back when/I shop the Wausau Center Mall, where
shopping’s fun again,” and was followed by a chorus of, “Oh ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha” etc. (They didn’t
call it “The Laughing Polka” for nothing.) With this piece of sterling
songcraft in hand I went back to work, walked into my boss’ office, and said,
“I’ve got it – the perfect jingle. It fits the demographic, it works in the
slogan, and it’s catchy.” Then I played her the jingle. It probably took them a
week after that to get everything packed up and moved to Milwaukee.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span><br />
<div id="ftn2">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: blue;">[2]</span></span></span></span></a>
Thousand dollars a year, not dollars an hour. That distinction tripped up my
buddy Phil LaFranka, who wound up taking a pay cut to come to KP, but I always
thought the HR guy was not entirely to blame in Phil’s case. There’s no way
Phil could have driven into Iola, Wis., population 925, past the millpond and the JBJ Store and the abandoned
pickle factory and say, “Yeah, there’s a place here that’s gonna pay me 14
dollars an hour to strip ads into shoppers.”</span></div>
</div>
<div style="font-family: inherit;">
</div>
Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-92172571135569976952013-09-11T08:13:00.001-07:002013-12-11T14:19:58.444-08:00Derek Jeter And The Perversey Jersey<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Ah, the remembrance of things past that I can’t show you,
not that I would want to.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">For instance, one semi-prospective client wanted us to promote
their book, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Arnold Palmer and the Golfin’
Dolphin</i>. It was a legitimate book in that it had covers and pages and an
assortment of nice words and illustrations after a fashion, and it ostensibly
had Arnold Palmer’s permission, because him suing them was not the reason they
went out of business. No, the reason they went out of business was that as a
work of existentialist children’s fiction involving the world’s most highly
evolved mammal and a golf legend, it stunk. It was the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Watch The Throne </i>of dolphin-golfer
children’s-fiction mashups, and still it blew huge literature chunks. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As a sometime children’s author and songwriter, I understand
the seductiveness of the golfin’/dolphin rhyme. It took the influence of an
Indian holy man to keep Lennon and McCartney from going completely golfin’/dolphin
crazy. One can only imagine the different path “Let It Be” would have trod had
the two lads not restrained themselves. (Fortunately, I have no such restraint
issues: “When I find myself in trouble golfin’/Arnold Palmer comes to me/He
says, ‘Ignore the dolphin/It’s a par-three.’”)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I can’t show you the book, because my partner Dean and I
found it in the course of cleaning out our offices, dropped it on the doorstep
of the nearest elementary school, rang the doorbell, and ran. So I’m guessing
it’s somewhere in the greater New London school system, where it’s probably celebrated
as art.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Let us move from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Arnold
Palmer and the Golfin’ Dolphin </i>to the leather mini-replica-jersey
equivalent of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Arnold Palmer and the
Golfin’ Dolphin. </i>I thought I knew everything that went down during the
Handful O’Landfill era, card-wise; I even knew of the Classic Winnebagos set,
though I pretended not to, and in fact went into the kitchen for a drink every
time they entered the room. I especially thought I knew everything that a major
manufacturer had ever thought of, including NBA Hoops folders and Donruss Red
Zone football, the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">John Carter<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: blue;">[1]</span></span></b></span></span></span></a>
</i>of football CCGs. But I had never, ever heard of Topps Jersey Topps until I
saw the press release.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">You know you’re in for a spin in the dunk tank when you see
the name: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Topps</i> Jersey <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Topps</i>. It’s a palindrome. No, no, not a
palindrome. It’s that thing where it sounds the same backwards and forwards. A
pun – that’s it! A pun. No, it’s not a pun.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">See what Topps Jersey Topps did? It made me screw up the
Dead Parrot Sketch.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">No other manufacturer felt compelled to work its name into a
product this way. There was no SkyBox Basketball SkyBox set, no Pro Set
Football Pro Set, no Fleer Baseball Fleer, though Fleer Flair came a little too
close for comfort. Only Topps felt the second Topps was necessary, though
pretty much by definition a jersey is, you know, a top.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As alluded to earlier, Topps Jersey Topps (I can’t get used
to the name; it reminds me too much of <a href="http://www.istockphoto.com/stock-photo-16252786-old-fashioned-military-tank-on-a-canadian-postage-stamp.php"><span style="color: blue;">Canadian
postage stamps</span></a>) is a set of miniature leather replica jerseys.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">That word combination seems random, so let’s break it down.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The jerseys are miniature because you can’t J-hook a Mark
McGwire uni in the notions aisle of a Kum ‘n’ Go.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">They’re replicas (I’m saving the leather for later) because
the MSRP on even a Sammy Sosa game-worn is liable to be out of the financial
reach of the Kum ‘n’ Go night manager who is the demographic target of this
particular set.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">They’re jerseys because stirrup socks aren’t sexy enough, at
least not on Cal Ripken Jr.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And they’re leather because … because. Because cloth is too
downscale. Because Topps confused a set of baseball cards with a Bentley Flying
Spur. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Well, let’s go to the press release. Maybe it has some
guidance. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Here we are: “Each Jersey is designed to simulate the feel
of cloth and crafted from genuine flexible leather, rather than a hard, molded
plastic.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">That’s it. Make the jerseys out of leather to simulate cloth
because it’s easier to make leather feel like cloth as opposed to plastic.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">While this happens to be true, it’s also meaningless. Of
course leather is a more cloth-like material than plastic. It’s also a more
cloth-like material than lead or molybdenum. And let’s deal with the elephant
in the room right now: the most cloth-like material of all is cloth.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Later in the press release we find, “Each one is also
painted to scaled specifications of the original, authentic jersey and includes
all team logos and player names.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Again we say: that’s it. Paint the leather jersey instead of
screen-printing a cloth one – or better yet, making it out of wool and
shrinking it like a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkVhpPSq9FI&list=PLp3qTqo4R11_a7mkA_gYwXFpaTYGfKOKQ"><span style="color: blue;">Tom
and Jerry zoot suit</span></a>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As for the raison d’etre of this particular product, Topps
must have suspected there would be questions, because it came prepared with an
answer: “Fans and collectors now have the perfect item to attain autographs.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Not even dealing with the fact that it’s way easier to
obtain an autograph than attain one, if I were an official league baseball or
an 8x10 glossy, I would be royally pissed right now. In fact, I’d be hiring a
game-used home plate to ram Topps Jersey Topps’ teeth down its palindromic
throat.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The best thing about Topps Jersey Topps is not the price,
though we all can agree that $9.99 is a small price to pay for painted leather
meant to feel like cloth, the perfect item to attain autographs. Nope, the best
thing about Topps Jersey Topps is there are only six of them in the set (I
can’t believe you want to know this, but anyway: McGwire, Sosa, Ripken, Chipper
Jones, Ken Griffey Jr., and Derek Jeter).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">While I’m sure there are other HOL-era collectibles from the
major manufacturers that I’ve missed, I don’t know whether anything else will
offer the combination of ham-handed concept and bone-headed execution to match
Topps Jersey Topps.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Though I’m guessing the golfin’ dolphin folks would be up to
the challenge.</span><br />
<br />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<br />
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: blue;">[1]</span></span></span></span></span></a> Or
<i>Ishtar</i> or <i>The Postman</i> or <i>Waterworld</i>
or <i>Heaven’s Gate </i>or the last
decade-and-a-half of Adam Sandler movies.</span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-61632463731665894552013-08-29T15:12:00.001-07:002013-12-11T14:24:32.671-08:00Who Puts The 'Cyan' In 'Cyanide'?<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: yes; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><v:shapetype coordsize="21600,21600" filled="f" id="_x0000_t75" o:preferrelative="t" o:spt="75" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" stroked="f"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
<v:stroke joinstyle="miter">
<v:formulas>
<v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0">
<v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0">
<v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1">
<v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2">
<v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth">
<v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight">
<v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1">
<v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2">
<v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth">
<v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0">
<v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight">
<v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0">
</v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:f></v:formulas>
<v:path gradientshapeok="t" o:connecttype="rect" o:extrusionok="f">
<o:lock aspectratio="t" v:ext="edit">
</o:lock></v:path></v:stroke></span></v:shapetype><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Eb1PD9O37UE/UjMwdt41E0I/AAAAAAAAAvw/Ore9e5KBJbM/s1600/Piazza.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Eb1PD9O37UE/UjMwdt41E0I/AAAAAAAAAvw/Ore9e5KBJbM/s320/Piazza.jpg" height="320" width="225" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span>
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">I loathe sports art. I am not an art-loather by
nature; I have a great deal of loatheable art on display in my home, and I
loathe none of it – even the stuff my kids didn’t create. However, my kids know
better than to create sports art.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">And I ought to be clear here: I do not loathe all
sports art. I do not loathe </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://americangallery.wordpress.com/2010/09/22/robert-riggs-1896-1970/"><span style="color: blue;">Robert Riggs’ depiction
of the Max Baer-Primo Carnera fight</span></a></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">.
I'm also good with </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Maya_Vase_Ballplayer.png"><span style="color: blue;">Aztec-ball-game art</span></a></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">. All other sports art I loathe.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">I say that counting at least one sports artist
among my friends. Dan does fantastic sports art. If you’re looking for sports
art, his is the sports art to have. I have a picture of Bob Wills he painted,
and another that served as the cover for a rock-‘n’-roll book I wrote, but I
have none of his sports art. Why? Because I loathe sports art.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">I loathed my old boss, and naturally, he had sports
art in his office. And not only did he have sports art in his office, but he
had large sports art. Of golf. Done by LeRoy Neiman.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Of all the loathsome subjects painted by loathsome
artists in a loathsome genre owned by a loathsome individual. It would be like
Miley Cyrus covering the Plasmatics in an exclusive pressing for Alex
Rodriguez.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">There is nothing even remotely artistic about
Neiman's quasi-impressionistic depictions of the gallery at the Masters,
rendered with trowel-like delicacy in the same colors used to create fishing
baits.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">After my boss graced his wall with this insult to
Monet, Picasso, Seurat, and God, he asked me what I thought. “I hate it,” I
told him.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">“But it’s LeRoy Neiman,” he replied.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">“I hate LeRoy Neiman,” I answered.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">He gave me the same fish-mouthed look he gave me
when I told him I don’t drink coffee and don’t really play golf. And then he
put me on double-secret probation for another year and a half.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">The main reason I hate sports art is it lets hacks
like Neiman thrive by exploiting the exploits of genuine artists – golfing
artists, boxing artists, baseball artists, Olympian artists. And also Joe
Namath.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">At this point, I have to admit I was guilty of
stretching the truth when I said the only semi-modern sports art I don’t hate
is Riggs’ depiction of Baer-Carnera. I do not hate the 1953 Topps Baseball set
because the artist was anonymous (at the time, anyway; the artist, Gerry
Dvorak, later became famous for his work, and rightly so). It was an art set
because it was more convenient, and likely cheaper, to hire an advertising
artist to paint 280 portraits of baseball players than it was to take that many
color pictures. It was the antithesis of art for art's sake; no shame in that.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">For the same reason I might be convinced that the </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://baseball1976.blogspot.com/2011/01/1976-topps-traded-231t-tom-house.html"><span style="color: blue;">1976 Topps Traded card of
Tom House</span></a></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"> with the blob of
cranberry mold where his hat should be is also sports art. Maybe. I don’t
loathe it, but I’m guessing House disagrees.)</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">So you can guess my reaction when I was cleaning
out a file drawer and a small yellow envelope fell out. Nope; sorry. It wasn’t
that kind of small yellow envelope. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Perhaps it would help if I told you that inside the
envelope was a series of 1953 Topps ripoff art cards I had never seen before. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LzQRP6Phqnw/UjMwecVzjFI/AAAAAAAAAv8/7vS5RMr3xOY/s1600/Jeter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LzQRP6Phqnw/UjMwecVzjFI/AAAAAAAAAv8/7vS5RMr3xOY/s320/Jeter.jpg" height="320" width="237" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Yep. That’s pretty much what I said. And I said it
double after I noticed the web address on the back: GoodSportsArt.com.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">As a disinformative URL, GoodSportsArt.com ranks
only slightly behind NiceSerialKiller.com. It’s also interesting that the
company behind GSA, Bill Goff Inc., felt it necessary to describe its sports
art as “good” for site visitors who may not be acquainted with sports art, or
who might have stumbled upon BadSportsArt.com and seen what appears to be the
same thing.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Now, let me drop the snark for a minute and say
that the guys who did these portraits, Bill Purdom and James Fiorentino, are
150,000 times the artist I am. In fact, Topps commissioned Purdom and
Fiorentino to do these paintings as part of its proprietary ’53 ripoff set, and
Topps don’t hire junk as far as sports artists are concerned.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Still, a set of cards done by semi-famous
contemporary sports artists pretending to be advertising artists doing cards of
modern players in an old-fashioned way simply doesn’t work. It could work in
1953 because there was HD nothing. As a baseball fan, your mental image of a
ballplayer was based on grainy black-and-white newspaper photos, snowy
black-and-white TV images, the occasional color spread in Sport, and baseball cards.
You weren’t exposed and exposed to a player’s face until you felt you could
trace every blackhead and tobacco stain. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-TODjvP1BGR0/UjMwfTEmtTI/AAAAAAAAAwE/BvaV5ekIv3g/s1600/Nomar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-TODjvP1BGR0/UjMwfTEmtTI/AAAAAAAAAwE/BvaV5ekIv3g/s320/Nomar.jpg" height="320" width="231" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">The reference point is just too fixed for modern
players. In 1953 you could look at a painted portrait of Satchel Paige and
say,“Yeah; that’s him, I guess.” In this mini-set, you look at the dark,
pinched face of Nomar Garciaparra and say,“Man, his ears stick out way too
much, and that thing on his nose doesn’t belong, and what’s with the enormous
‘B’ on the cap? Is that like the modern-day scarlet letter?” And so forth.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">The typeface is also wrong, which irks me. When we
did replica trading cards at <i>Baseball Cards</i> magazine, we basically had a rock
and stick, and we still nailed the type styles of everything from 1970 Topps
Baseball to Parkhurst hockey. The type faces on these aren’t even close. That’s
just plain lazy, and inexcusable.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Finally, it comes down to this: I’m not sure the
world needs a set of cards based on a different set of cards based on a
different set of cards that consisted not of photographs but of paintings. It’s
sports art of sports art of sports art, and have I told you lately how I feel
about sports art? I guess I have.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">The good news is that these cards, and the
contemporary ’53 Topps ripoff set that spawned them, are essentially worthless.
They made no one forget, or remember, the originals.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 112%; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 112%;">I often acknowledge that this or that collectible
is worthless. I don’t often root for something to be worthless. But in the case
of sports art, I’m always willing to make an exception. </span></div>
Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-61782705371429489512013-08-19T07:54:00.000-07:002013-08-19T09:54:55.773-07:00Wooden It Be Nice<style>@font-face {
font-family: "Times";
}@font-face {
font-family: "Cambria";
}@font-face {
}p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal { margin: 0in 0in 10pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman"; }p.MsoFootnoteText, li.MsoFootnoteText, div.MsoFootnoteText { margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: "Times New Roman"; }span.MsoFootnoteReference { vertical-align: super; }span.FootnoteTextChar { }div.Section1 { page: Section1; }</style>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I‘ve
about had it with list stories. You know: “The 2,500 Most Despicable Reality
Shows” or “Five People That Became President” or “Three Signs That It’s Time To
Breathe.” Buzzfeed, the Death Star of list stories, calls them “listicles,” and
even has a listicle clock showing a different Buzzfeed list every second. Like
that’s a good thing.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">So
instead of doing a story on “The Five Most Annoying People of the Handful
O’Landfill Era”<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn1" name="_ftnref" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[1]</span></a> I thought I
would do a story on one thing, and one thing only: The John Wooden Award Set.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-huOaNiW6bCU/UhIw843PVkI/AAAAAAAAAtw/dWmyhAaL4gk/s1600/wooden.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-huOaNiW6bCU/UhIw843PVkI/AAAAAAAAAtw/dWmyhAaL4gk/s320/wooden.jpg" width="227" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">You
don’t have to be a follower of anything besides your own nose to know that John
Wooden was about as close to a perfect human being as was ever created. He was
an athlete, a teacher, a father, a mentor, a friend, a philosopher, a leader,
an inspiration, and perhaps the best coach of anything ever. He was religious
without being pious, a salesman without being a shill, and moral without being
a prude. He was married to the same woman for more than 50 years, and that was
about the least remarkable thing about him. As a leader in a segment of a sport
where fair play is far less important than an athlete’s chosen brand of
jockstrap, John Wooden stands alone. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Needless
to say, John Wooden did not adopt a significant position in the
sports-collectibles industry. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">However,
John Wooden did lend his name to at least one award – the award given annually
to the nation’s best college-basketball player.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">There
is a disconnect here, in that John Wooden was not a great college-basketball
player in the way that Pete Maravich or Elvin Hayes or Larry Bird was a great
basketball player. Coach Wooden was a three-time All-American to be sure, but
at a time where being a three-time All-American in basketball was roughly akin
to being a three-time All-American in water polo today – a sterling
achievement, but not something that would make you say he was one of the best
ever.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Handing
out a John Wooden Award to the nation’s top college-basketball <i>coach </i>-- now that would be a different
story.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn2" name="_ftnref" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[2]</span></a>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Still,
John Heisman was not a great college-football player, nor was Golden Spikes a
great amateur baseball player.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn3" name="_ftnref" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[3]</span></a>
So there is precedent for naming awards given to players after people who
weren’t great players – a fact that should give us all hope. (I personally am
dying to present the John B. "Sparky" Seals Award to the nation’s best C-level
peewee hockey player.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">So
the John Wooden Award it is, and the John Wooden Award it has been since 1977,
meaning there is ample material for a John Wooden Award card set, even if you
happen to be living in 1992 and can’t get “Life Is A Highway” out of your head.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">So
let’s imagine it is 1992, and “Life Is A Highway” just got done playing and now
it’s “To Be With You,” to be shortly followed by “2 Legit 2 Quit” and “Achy
Breaky Heart.” There have been 15 winners of the John Wooden Award, and you
have all the paperwork in place to make a John Wooden Award card set. What do
you do?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">If
you’re Ken Goldin, you tear up the paperwork and make a 100-card draft-pick
set, cram it full of Eric Lindros, Russell Maryland, Brien Taylor, and Larry
Johnson autographs, and sell it on QVC.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">If
you’re Mike Cramer, you make a 500-card set with one card of this year’s winner
die-cut 499 different ways, and a checklist. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FYiQ7op-FFU/UhIw-KdyPII/AAAAAAAAAt8/Kv7uxYNiwGk/s1600/Bird.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FYiQ7op-FFU/UhIw-KdyPII/AAAAAAAAAt8/Kv7uxYNiwGk/s320/Bird.jpg" width="230" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">If
you’re Richard McWilliam, you borrow Ken Goldin and Mike Cramer’s cards,
color-correct the heck out of them, put Ken Griffey Jr.’s head on Danny Ainge’s
body, and forget to send the royalty check.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">If
you’re David Greenhill, you sell everyone else’s cards at a loss.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">And
if you’re my brother, you keep demanding that they put Carlton Fisk cards in
the set, just so you can pull them out and destroy them.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Fortunately,
Little Sun was at the helm, and no one knew more than Little Sun, albeit
inadvertently, about making a trading-card set without possibility of financial
gain. In this case, Little Sun created a simple set, with one card for each
award-winner through Larry Johnson, four cards of Coach Wooden (who deserves a
multiple-card salute more than anyone on the planet), a card of the trophy, a
card devoted to the president of the Los Angeles Athletic Club, a card devoted
to the <i>club</i> (told you this was done
without thought of financial gain), and a numbered Certification of Limited
Edition<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn4" name="_ftnref" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[4]</span></a>.
It put everything in a wallet-sized case, with a page for each card. You page
through the cards, admire the photos, read about Coach Wooden, and when you’re
done, simply set it aside.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-k34jxa-SzcI/UhIw_zZrqyI/AAAAAAAAAuE/aL6-EhmcDfA/s1600/jordan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-k34jxa-SzcI/UhIw_zZrqyI/AAAAAAAAAuE/aL6-EhmcDfA/s320/jordan.jpg" width="233" /></a><span style="font-size: small;">There’s
nothing flashy about the cards, just a nice photo in an attractive border with
player-card backs that state the player's name, position, and college.
Say what you want about Little Sun, but they refuse to waste your time, and
printer's ink, with triviata about Darrell Griffith. You come away from your
few minutes spent with the set understanding all things needful about the
award, its recipients, and Coach Wooden. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Sure,
there were better sets made during the HOL era. There were more important sets.
There were more valuable sets. But there were also many more trashier sets, and
contract-obligation sets, and misrepresented sets, and bizarro sets, and sets
that sold collectors a big ol’ bill of cardboard goods.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Not
this set. The John Wooden Award set delights through its Hoosier simplicity,
its adherence to its purpose, and its celebration of what is most important.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I’m
guessing Coach Wooden approved.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: inherit;">
<br />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<div id="ftn" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref" name="_ftn1" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[1]</span></a>
Ken Goldin, Mike Cramer,
Richard McWilliam, David Greenhill, and my brother. Top that, Buzzfeed.</span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref" name="_ftn2" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[2]</span></a> Actually, there is a John Wooden Legends of Coaching Award
that no one knows about except you and me. And Mike Krzyzewski.</span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref" name="_ftn3" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[3]</span></a> And Tewaaraton didn’t even play lacrosse at all; go figure.</span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref" name="_ftn4" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[4]</span></a> </span><span style="font-size: small;">“Limited”
not really being necessary in this case, seeing as Little Sun Made 21,000 sets.</span></div>
</div>
</div>
Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-69129451942627115262013-07-30T11:28:00.002-07:002013-07-31T18:44:02.587-07:00It's Wild! It's A Card!<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Nothing like a sheriff’s sale to jog the old memory.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Reading the back (way back) issues of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Brill Report</i> has brought on the flashbacks big-time. Many of the bit
players whose names (and cards) had escaped me over the last 20 years have come
charging back like William Perry astride a donkey.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">There’s the Ted Williams Card Company, a high-concept piece
of sports-marketing detritus that was a better idea than the Sandy Consegura
Card Company, but only marginally. (We shall write about the TWCC at greater
length when we clean out the vacuum-cleaner bag.)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">There are the Assets phone cards from Classic and Kayo’s
America’s Cup set, part of Kayo’s grand scheme to corner the market on crappy
licenses for quasi-sports. After all, nothing says “misguided” like a
24-karat-gold card of Dennis Conner.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">And then there’s Wild Card. I had forgotten about Wild Card
for several reasons, but mainly because its product was so godawful in concept
and execution.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Okay, so the very basic, basic concept behind Wild Card wasn’t
godawful. It was even a wee bit inspired, in a self-referential sort of way. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Start with the name: Wild Card. Roughly defined, a wild card
is something of value – interest, at least – that appears on an unexpected
basis. How much of the Handful O’Landfill era was built around that
conceit? The more you buy, the higher up the theoretical ladder you can climb.
Buy enough – and we mean enough enough – and you can get a genuine authentic
jersey-fragment card of Browning Nagle.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">[1]</span></span></span></span></span></a><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">With Wild Card, that conceit even extended into the base
set. Each Wild Card card (is that right?) had a point value printed on the
front. Most were one-point cards</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">[2]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">.
There were proportionally fewer five-, 10-, 25-, 50-, and 100-point cards, and far
fewer 1,000-point cards. You could, if you had a masochistic streak as wide as
the Monongahela, collect 100 one-point cards of Amp Lee or some other schlubby
NFL draft pick and trade them for a 100-point card. Collect enough point cards
of a given player and you could trade them in for an autograph or something similar,
though not anything useful, like a washer-dryer. It was like
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Let’s Make A Deal</i> with the base set as
the zonks. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Again, Wild Card, not a terrible idea for a card set.
Certainly worse ideas have been allowed onto the market. (We’re talking to you,
Pinnacle Inside.) The problem with Wild Card was that the execution was exactly
that. Wild Card took this idea out back, blindfolded it, offered it a
cigarette, and blasted it to smithereens with some antediluvian fowling piece lifted
off of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Sons of Guns: Winnemucca</i>.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mM4xBE9RS-8/Ufm88unMwVI/AAAAAAAAAtg/j0oZTQAXdWg/s1600/wild+card+002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mM4xBE9RS-8/Ufm88unMwVI/AAAAAAAAAtg/j0oZTQAXdWg/s400/wild+card+002.jpg" width="280" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">The logo was ripped – flames, ragged edge, and all – out of
a third-grader’s social-studies notebook. The pictures were taken at night with
a cell phone, a feat made only slightly less remarkable by the fact that the
cell-phone camera hadn’t been invented yet. The backs were written in
Twitter on a Magnadoodle by Johnny Manziel. The remaining graphics were
designed, if you want to call it that, by people who view a glittery puffy
sticker of a goldfish as the pinnacle of modern art. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">In a trading-card world full of Star Pics cards of Really
Obscure Draft Picks Taken From a Long, Long Ways Away and Traks racing cards of
tire-changers reading newspapers, this was the nadir. If you took the world’s
worst tattoo artist, gave them a Barbie Fabulous Fuzzy Digital Camera and a
nail, and told them to create a card set, they would have come up with
something better than Wild Card.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Here’s another reason I had forgotten Wild Card: Wild Card’s
card-producing lifespan ran from mid-1991 to late 1992, with a quick breather
in mid-1992. I got engaged in 1991 and married in '92, and why would I want to sully two otherwise
perfectly wonderful years with memories of some perfectly awful trading-card sets?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Speaking of awful, Wild Card’s coup was landing the license
for the World League of American Football, the League Subsequently (And Oh-So-Misleadingly)
Known As NFL Europe, the league with the most spot-on acronym in pro sports
(WLAF, with the accent on the “laf”), the league that bedecked the fabled
capitals of western civilization with teams full of CFL rejects named Amir
Rasul, Mike Prugle, Ron Sancho, Cornell Burbage, and Joe Howard-Johnson, the
league that out of nearly a decade of grinding effort and vein-popping
concentration gave the NFL … Stan Gelbaugh. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s a reasonable match. If you want it bad enough you can
have a Wild Card WLAF card of Falanda Newton. But I don’t know anyone who wants
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i> bad enough.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">About that sheriff’s
sale: In late 1994, and without explanation for how Wild Card spent 1993 and
most of ’94</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">[3]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">, a
sheriff’s sale was held in Cincinnati to dispose of Wild Card’s assets. I can’t
imagine what was in the sale – I’m guessing thousands of cards of Will Furrer,
Tommy Maddox, Siran Stacy, Darryl Williams, Tommy Vardell, Quentin Coryatt, Ty
Detmer, and David Klingler, with a couple of Babe Laufenberg autos as lagniappe
– and how anyone could call them “assets” with a straight face, but Bob Brill pulled
it off. At least, there weren’t phlegm stains on my <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Brill Report </i>from Bob coughing up a lung in laughter.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s a very real possibility that they held the sheriff’s
sale and no one came, meaning that if you ever get arrested in the Cincinnati
area, while they’re slapping the cuffs on you and the officer reaches into his
pocket and pulls out a card, instead of, “You have the right to remain silent,”
you may hear, “Former Packers signal-caller Anthony Dilweg is hoping for big
things at the helm of the Montreal Machine.”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">At that point you may just want to plead guilty and be done
with it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">[1]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;"> Or
this year’s Browning Nagle, Geno Smith.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">[2]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;"> I’m
doing this from memory, so I may mess up some of the details. But take my word
for it: It really doesn’t matter.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">[3]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">
Beating the bushes for the next WLAF is a possibility.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span>Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-57232367552919436052013-07-19T06:49:00.001-07:002013-07-29T09:19:56.986-07:00POG Wonderful<span style="font-family: inherit;">I have only mentioned POGs in passing lo these many years.
This is not an accident. I have a hard time deciding what to say about POGs.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">POGs, in case you’ve forgotten (voluntarily or
involuntarily) were milk-bottle caps. Actually, they weren’t really milk-bottle
caps but instead the cardboard lids put on containers of
passionfruit-orange-grapefruit juice in Hawaii (hence, the POG). Only the POGs that
almost everyone knew had less contact with a passionfruit than I‘ve had with
Jon-Erik Hexum.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">In their original incarnation POGs were used to play a game.
Your buddy stacked a bunch of his POGs face-up, and then you hit them with a
“slammer” – either another POG or something heavier. You kept any POGs that
landed face-up, and then you switched roles.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As games go, it’s no rock-paper-scissors, but you could make
15 minutes seem like an hour playing it. The only problem? Less than one-tenth
of 1 percent of POGs were actually used to play the POG game.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So to sum up, POGs were a milk-bottle cap that never capped
a bottle of something that wasn’t milk used to play a game that nobody played,
and it’s junk like that that makes it hard for me to say something coherent
about POGs. The original collectible was so esoteric and so far removed from
the final product that flooded the market in 1994-95 that POGs 2.0 literally
had no reason for being other than to separate collectors from their money a
dollar at a time. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Contrast that with baseball cards. The baseball cards of
1994-95 would have been instantly recognizable as baseball cards to the
collectors of 1952. A modern POG would have been unrecognizable to a collector
of vintage POGs – only there were no vintage-POG collectors. See? Junk like
that.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I mention POGs today because of my continued perusal of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Brill Report</i>, one of several faxed
newsletters that attempted to chronicle changes in the fast-paced collectibles
business in the pre-internet days. It seems like such a platypus of a
publication now, like we couldn’t just read an email newsletter or check a news
feed and get this stuff pronto, but we couldn’t. This <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">was</i> the news feed – and the fact that it was ad-free, minimally
laid out and printed on someone else’s paper gave it a modicum of speed. You
could have an event happen yesterday – early yesterday, but yesterday – and see
news of it in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Brill Report</i> the
next day. Presuming Bob Brill was there. And decided to write about it. In time
to meet his own self-imposed deadline.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">(Actually, this particular edition of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Brill Report</i> was called <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Brill-iant
Ideas</i>, a misnomer if ever was and one of those fillips of the business I’ve
conveniently forgotten with the passage of time. It reminds me of the Wisconsin
Dental Association’s newsletter that collects all the lighthearted aspects of
Wisconsin dentistry, many of which involve breaking off an endodontic file deep
in the roots of a back molar. It’s called <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Tongue
‘n’ Cheek</i>, and yes, it makes Constant Reader fwow up.)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Anyway, the article that caught my eye was headlined “POGs
Continue to Hop-Scotch [sic] the Nation.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">[1]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">”
I wanted to read about POGs hopscotching the nation because the headline
suggested there were POG-free areas around the country, and I wanted to know
where they were. I know it wasn’t New London, Wis., because my Hawaiian
partner, Darren Lee, was moving out Valiant Comics POGs</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">[2]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">
as fast as they came in. And I know it wasn’t San Clemente, Calif., because my
buddy Mike Speakman had taken over an old racquetball court and filled it with
POGs, and was literally shoveling out POGs with a grain scoop to meet orders.
There were days, he told me, when the racquetball-court-cum-warehouse was full in
the morning and empty at night, and in the course of emptying it out a million
POGs had come and gone in 24 hours. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Figure the POGs were coming in the door at
a penny each and leaving at a nickel each. That’s a nifty return for spending a
few hours in a racquetball court.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">According to the story, POGs had slowed down in Dallas but
had picked up in Houston.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">[3]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">
However, a Dallas show had a POG tournament, presumably with actual
participants slamming actual POGs.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">POGs were up-and-down in the New York area, with some shops
doing $400 a week and some shops doing bupkis. Even so, Brill said, “the
history of the product is an indication the tri-state area is in for a good POG
ride before the price falls.” And who doesn’t love a good POG ride, regardless
of the price?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">My favorite whistling-in-the-graveyard character in this
saga is Jim Mitchell, owner of Safe-Co Plastics and manufacturer of mucho POGs.
“I don’t believe [POGs] are a short-term thing,” he told Brill. “It’s the
marbles of the ‘90s and we’re making quality collector caps.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">What Mr. Mitchell was suffering from, among other things, is
a misunderstanding of marbles. No marble-maker ever made marbles looking over
their shoulder, scanning the horizon for the end of their marble ride.
Marble-makers made marbles secure on the knowledge that someone was going to
buy their marbles. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">The marbles of the ‘90s were marbles – and not by accident,
since the marbles of the ‘20s, ‘30s, ‘40s, ‘50s, ‘60s, ‘70s, and ‘80s were
marbles. See, the thing with marbles is you don’t have to play the game of
marbles to have a hell of a lot of fun with marbles. Got an inclined plane or a
mortal enemy? Swell! Then you’re fixed for fun stuff to do with
marbles. Macaulay Culkin never used POGs as a boobytrap in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Home Alone</i>, nor could he. What was he going to do – fill a laundry
chute with them? Launch them from improvised catapults? Have the dog eat them
and throw up over the burglars? Give me a good boulder steelie anyday.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And along those lines, no self-respecting marble-maker ever
said anything as ludicrous as, “We’re making quality collector marbles.” Heck,
no: They’re making marbles. If people want to collect them, eat them on
toast, spread them on stairs, drop them from a great height on the heads of
squirrels, plant them in their garden and try to grow their own, it’s all fine
– as long as they buy lots of marbles. The day a marble-maker started making
collector marbles would be Day 1 of their demise.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">[4]</span></span></span></span></span></a><br />
<span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Brill concluded his piece with, “Many dealers thank their lucky
stars, because in a slow period POGs kept many afloat.” Hey, dealers: That
should have been a clue to your fate. When you start relying on
non-milk non-bottle non-caps to feed your family, to keep the lights on and the
wolf away, that’s a good time to find another line of work – unless you really want to wait for the Beanie Baby
rip-offs with player names and numbers to drive that last nail in your coffin.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Good as that story was, it wasn’t <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Brill-iant Ideas’</i> only memory-jogging example of obsolete
technology being employed in the collectibles arena to keep the larder full
between POG runs. There was also a story on phone cards.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I realize that phone cards still have limited uses in
international commerce and communication, but in the mid-‘90s some marketers
saw phone cards as … well, it’s hard to give you a modern comparison to the
phone card as they conceived it. Imagine you needed to scan a special card
every time you watched a movie via Netflix, and this card could only be used
for Netflix movies. That’s not so far-fetched – right? Okay, now make it so
that this Netflix card only got you about as far as the part where the
indestructible dude throws Tony Stark through a skylight, and then you have to
dig up another one of these cards to watch the rest of the movie, and
hope it gets you through the part where Gwynneth Paltrow throws the
self-destruct switch without having to produce a third card from down
in the sofa. That was a phone card.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Phone cards initially had a nondescript image on the front –
a globe, say – and a reasonable amount of long-distance talk time – somewhere
between 100 and 1,000 minutes. As marketers realized that phone cards could be
sold on their utility and retained for their collectibility the variety of
front images increased and the amount of minutes on each card declined, so that
by the end of the phone-card era it was like making a long-distance call from an
old pay-phone booth, only instead of plugging dimes into a slot you were
plugging phone-card numbers in response to prompts. The cards looked absolutely
bitchin’, though.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Naturally Upper Deck was all over collectible phone cards.
If it was semi-illegitimate and could hold a picture of Ken Griffey Jr., Upper Deck
was on it. UD led in late ’94 with a Mickey Mantle phone card, then announced
in January 1995 that it had inked a deal in conjunction with phone-time
reseller GTS to produce a series of five phone cards featuring current major
leaguers, with second and third five-card series in April and May.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The first five cards featured Griffey (natch),
Frank Thomas, Cecil Fielder, Fred McGriff, and Tony Gwynn, with nary a Scott
Klingenbeck to be found.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The cards were not cheap -- $12 for 15 minutes – and they
came out at a time when baseball was being threatened by a labor dispute, hence
the plaintive (and only slightly out-of-whack) statement from GTS President Tom
Silverstein: “We hope for the return of baseball in the spring and the
excitement that the first MLB/MLBPA Player PhoneCards will generate among all
fans.”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Uh, no. Didn’t work out that way. The previous year’s
strike dragged into the season, teams played a truncated 144-game
schedule, Dante Bichette led the NL in homers with 40</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn5" name="_ftnref5" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn5;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">[5]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">,
and MLB/MLBPA Player PhoneCards fell into the collectible sump, never to
re-emerge, not even to make a phone call.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Licensed phone cards were not the worst idea. They do
combine utility with collectibility, and Silverstein was right to hope that
they would generate excitement. But the funny thing about hope is that sometimes
it gets crushed – especially when Upper Deck’s involved.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">And here is the best part, the I-can’t-make-up-this-crap
surprise ending that ties everything together. In the gutter of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Brill-iant Ideas</i>, just below the news
that Hank Aaron, Jerry Rice, the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Brady
Bunch</i> kids, and the four surviving cast members of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Gilligan’s Island</i> will be appearing at an Atlanta show, was the
announcement that all subscribers will receive a “1<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">st</span></sup> Anniversary
Brill Report Phone Card.”</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">You know what this means: The phone-card aliens got to Bob Brill, the
torch-bearer for poorly titled hobby journalism delivered via fax! Is no one
safe?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Actually, we all are. Phone cards, POGs, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Brill Report</i>, even Zubaz – they all
passed from the scene. Now I see that Zubaz are coming back. Embrace them.
Consider the alternative.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<br />
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<br />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">[1]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">
Interesting word, hopscotch. Beer and whiskey all wrapped up in a kids’ game.
And they wonder how we got to be a nation of tumble-down drunks. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">[2]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> At
least, I think they were Valiant Comics POGs. Maybe they were Valiant Comics
and POGs. Whatever they were, they needed to leave New London <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">now</i>.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">[3]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> That’s
Houston for you – a dollar short and a day late. Dallas got <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dallas</i> and J.R. Ewing; Houston got <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Matt Houston</i>, with Lee Horsley in a
Roman-helmet hairdo and a Dave Wannstedt mustache – and in California, of all
places.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref4" name="_ftn4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">[4]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">
Some did, and it was.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref5" name="_ftn5" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn5;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">[5]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">
Must be the PEDs <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and</i> the altitude.</span></div>
Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-86973271278885386982013-07-09T14:04:00.002-07:002013-07-19T06:51:48.544-07:00Who You Callin' A Harlo?<span style="font-family: inherit;">
On my bike ride this noon I noticed one of those big plywood
storks you can rent to announce the birth of a baby.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">[1]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">
The plywood stork had clenched in its plywood beak a plywood balloon with the
words “Welcome baby Harlo.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I saw the name and was momentarily taken aback, because I
didn’t see “Harlo”; I saw “Harlot.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I’m special but I’m not that special, so I’m probably not
the only person who will make the Harlo-Harlot connection and conclude that
naming your child “Harlo” is pretty much like naming her “Rostitute.” </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This is one of those
cases where it pays to be complete. You want to name your kid “Harlow”</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">[2]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">?
Add the bloody “W.” </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Another area that would have benefited from completeness in
communication (transition alert) was the Handful O’Landfill era. I was reminded
of this when I found a near-complete run of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Trade
Fax </i>while cleaning out a file cabinet.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Trade Fax</i> was a
weekly trade publication started by Krause Publications to satiate the hobby’s
interest for breaking news (breaking in the sense of being less than 10 days
old) and break the backs of a couple of competitors, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Brill Report</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Beckett
Insider</i>. Today the idea of up-to-the-last-10-days news being delivered on
paper the consistency of Warren Jabali’s drawers</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">[3]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">
is ludicrous, like putting potato chips in boxes.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">[4]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">
Back then it was like Twitter on muscle relaxants.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I didn’t have to dive far into <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Trade Fax</i> to get stopped by a random fact. In fact, I cliff-dived
headlong into this one and was paralyzed from the waist down.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The fact was a quote from a SkyBox product manager named Ken
Smith. Ken isn’t around anymore. He died way too young – a real shame, because
he was a peach of a guy: smart, funny, polite in that delightful southern
manner, self-effacing. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Ken understood what it took to move product, so it really
wasn’t a surprise to see the breakout quote in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Trade Fax </i>that said, “While gimmicks do have limits, it’s important
to keep putting new products on the market.”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">While Ken is guilty of being just a little too aggressive in
the candor department, the quote also suffers from a lack of completism. I
don’t think Ken said, “While gimmicks do have limits, it’s important to keep
putting new products on the market,” and just left it there; I think he said, “While
gimmicks do have limits, it’s important to keep putting new products on the
market,” and then added, “so our gimmicks can beat the snot out of their
gimmicks.”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The other fascinating thing about this issue of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Trade Fax</i> was its lead story, a description
of the legal fight between Classic and Upper Deck Authenticated over
autographed memorabilia. Basically, UDA was doing what it did best – file legal
action, this time against Classic parent the Score Board over its selling of
autographed memorabilia featuring UDA-exclusive athletes Wayne Gretzky, Mickey Mantle,
Joe Montana, and Reggie Jackson.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Hoo doggie. UDA and Classic duking it out over autographs.
This is better than Scott Walker and Kim Kardashian mud-wrestling over the
rights to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Lone Ranger 2</i>, with Vladimir
Putin (wearing Robert Kraft’s Super Bowl ring) as the mud.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The quotes are classic, especially from Ken Goldin, the shopping-channel
pot that would not hesitate to call any kettle in the cupboard black as a Paula
Deen nightmare (tha Timbaland remix).</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">After UDA’s Brian Burr led off by saying, “We will do
whatever we can to clean up the sports-autograph business. The consumer must be
protected from the illegal businesses that profit from sports fans’ lack of
awareness,” Goldin countered with, “What the case claims and what their press
release says are two different things. Score Board is not being sued due to
sale of unauthorized memorabilia, but because we’re supposedly infringing on
UDA’s exclusive contracts with four athletes</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn5" name="_ftnref5" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn5;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">[5]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">
… It’s a bullying tactic.”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Ken From New Jersey then went in for the kill. First he said
he resented being included in a suit with “three entities that we know nothing
about” (though if he knew nothing about one of the entities, Shop At Home, I am
all the characters in the movie <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Rango</i>,
including the thing that looks like a cross between a gila monster and a hiking
boot). Then he added, “What they’re doing is pathetic. UDA is a company whose
co-founder and half-owner [Bruce McNall] has been convicted of fraud. They
fired their president and shut down their mail-order catalog and retail
outlets. Their highest-paid athlete [Mickey Mantle] is suing them for breach of
contract. It should be very easy for anyone to figure out the reasons for this
suit.”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">How do you like them apples, Upper Deck?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I don’t have a record of what happened after that. My guess
is that the two entities came to a settlement wherein McNall and Richard McWilliam
donated their supplies of snake oil to the National Strategic Reserve in
exchange for Ken Goldin having sinus surgery. But this one <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Trade Fax – </i>and I have hundreds of others – gives you some idea of
how serious (or maybe seriocomic) the pictures-on-cardboard business was at the
height of the Handful O’Landfill era.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In other words, this post suffers from a serious lack of
completism. And since I don’t have the motivation to complete it, I think I’ll
sign off.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Hope you enjoyed my post. Have a nice day. </span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sincerely yours, Treetwalker<br clear="all" style="mso-special-character: line-break; page-break-before: always;" />
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">
</span><br />
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;"><hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
</span><br />
<div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">[1]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;"> I
wanted to say, “One of those big plywood storks you can rent from …,” and then
fill in the blank, but then I realized I have no idea what sort of place rents
big plywood storks. Stevens Point Stork Supply? Rent-A-Stork? The Stork Store?
I think this will have to remain one of life’s great mysteries.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">
</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">[2]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">
Because it is a far, far better choice to name your innocent newborn after a
self-destructing, substance-abusing, bed-hopping blonde actress, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and</i> spell her name properly. The name does
sound kinda pretty, and there is the historical value. Besides, naming your
child Marilyn Monroe Jones is such a cliché. Unless it’s a boy.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">
</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">[3]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">
Cf. Pluto, Terry, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Loose Balls</i>, p.
218. “Warren noticed that the kid was wearing cotton underwear. Jabali reached
over and literally ripped the shorts right off the kid. Warren said, “Don’t you
know that our ancestors had to pick this cotton? Get yourself some slick
drawers.” Thanx and a hat tip to Jim and Sparky for that one.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">
</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref4" name="_ftn4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">[4]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;"> Of
all the wayback-machine culture shocks my kids have been exposed to, this may
have been the most shocking. For weeks afterwards they would break into bouts
of head-shaking and mutter, “Potato chips in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">boxes</i>?” It was a foodstuff and a container that simply did not go
together, like chicken in a jar.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">
</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref5" name="_ftn5" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn5;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">[5]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">
Which would technically make the memorabilia unauthorized, but let’s not get
wrapped up in the details here.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span>Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-18914477117326632262013-06-26T18:24:00.001-07:002013-06-27T09:11:42.340-07:00The Art of the Sheet<span style="font-family: inherit;">
Advertising is becoming more vulgar, in case you hadn't noticed. K mart wasn't even attracting spiders to its stores until it rolled out a video called "Ship My Pants"; now I have it on good authority that spiders <em>flock</em> to K marts, and occasionally even bring their own fly guys. K mart followed up this <em>Citizen Kane</em> of quasi-vulgar, semi-viral disgusting-discount-store videos with another called "Big Gas Savings." </span>So if K mart were writing this blog, the title of this post would just be the tip of the mushy brown iceberg. But since K mart has absolutely nothing to do with this blog aside from providing 85.2 million Topps Collectors' Edition boxed sets as lovely parting gifts, we return you to our regularly scheduled post.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I was checking out a rival blog at the behest of my buddy
Sparky. I don’t do this often; I believe it’s a big ocean with more than enough
complete ignorance of our existence to go around, and I won’t pick on yours if
you won’t pick on mine. Besides, I gave up reading for Lent.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Anyway, this person’s blog basically ridicules the poses and
designs found on individual cards. It’s a lot of fun and really well done and good
for them, but I occasionally (okay, make that rarely) aspire to more. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could spend the rest of my natural days,
plus a few of the unnatural ones, shooting the fish in the bottom of that
barrel. To me the aggregate is much more interesting. Any cardmaker is going to
goober out a stool sample when faced with an 4-A shortstop who just was traded
from the Astros to the Expos for Don Bosch and a player to be named later, or a
product manager whose sister-in-law does this groovy painting thing where she
imagines steroid-fueled sluggers as Shetland horses (“My Little Phony,” she
calls it). It’s when an entire set or series of sets is redolent of the cattle
barn at the Trempealeau County Fair that you have to question the motivation of
the … uh, cow-makers.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UOqpZPanhYo/UcuTMgF2sVI/AAAAAAAAAs4/HhzL3xDM1aU/s1600/Fleer+002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UOqpZPanhYo/UcuTMgF2sVI/AAAAAAAAAs4/HhzL3xDM1aU/s640/Fleer+002.jpg" width="460" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Speaking of cows and their byproducts, leave us examine the
promotional sheet issued by Fleer in 1993 to promote its football set. If you
were around the business at all during the Handful O’Landfill era you remember
these sheets and scores of others just like them. They were the main way
cardmakers built demand for upcoming products. The idea was that the promo
sheet would get out in quantities limited enough so that demand built for the
promo sheet and its subsequent card set without the sheet being flat-out unobtainable. This was a tightrope
much skinnier than the hawser Nik Wallenda strung across the Grand Canyon, and
in the end most of the cardmakers wound up plunging into the abyss, with
nothing to break their fall.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">[1]</span></span></span></span></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In 1993 Fleer made two different football products – Ultra
and this. In case you couldn’t tell, this was the base product. And while a lot
of lips in those days were swearing that the base-level products got as much
attention as the high-zoot stuff, a lot of hands were being held behind backs
with fingers crossed. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There’s really nothing bad about these cards per se. In
1993, this passed for a pretty nice base set. Back then we were screaming for
action shots – shots of football players playing football – that were in focus,
and with the most prominent player in the photo being the player featured on
the card.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">[2]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">
We wanted full-color backs with something of interest on the flip side, stats that
meant something and copy that wasn’t just conspicuous consumption of black ink.
We also were minimalists when it came to graphics but we weren’t fanatics about
it, though we were whole-namers and not fans of the last-name-only movement.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">(Incidentally, this sheet is a perfect example of why we are
not last-name-onlyites. The names of the players on this sheet are Young,
Walker, Lohmiller, Greene, Heyward, Jones, Smith, and Byars. Two are Hall of
Famers and instantly recognizable – Emmitt Smith and Steve Young. Three are
recognizable if you were following football in 1993: Craig “Ironhead” Heyward,
Kevin Greene, and Keith Byars. But Jones and Walker? Is that Adam Jones and
Antoine Walker? Kenny Jones and Kenny “Sky” Walker? Homer Jones and Herschel
Walker? Steve Jones and Scott Walker? Well, no; it’s Ernie Jones and Kenny
“Ground” Walker, neither of whom spring immediately to mind when considering
the NFL landscape of the early ‘90s. In fact, they are so unresponsive in the
springing-immediately-to-mind department that I had to check their pulses, and
then see who the heck they were. Ernie Jones caught 38 balls for four TDs in
1992, a performance that put him only 70 short of Sterling Sharpe for the
league lead. Kenny “Non-Sky” Walker had 1.5 sacks in 1992, his last season in
the league -- though, as his card back takes pains to remind us, he was the
second deaf person to play in the NFL.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So let’s recap the players that Fleer used to build a tidal
wave of undeniable, irresistible demand for its namesake product among
collectors:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Arguably the greatest running back of all time;</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Arguably the greatest quarterback of all time;</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>A borderline Hall of Fame pass-rushing
linebacker/defensive end;</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>A durable journeyman running back;</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>A pass-catching third-down specialist;</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>The fourth-best receiver on a 4-10 team;</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>A kicker; and</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>A defensive end who was pitched as the NFL’s
wholly inadequate answer to Jim Abbott but was out of football after two years,
16 starts, and 4.5 sacks.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Well, there was also the centerpiece card reading “Fleer ’93
Football – A Game In Every Pack,” a semi-truthful statement when you consider
that almost every NFL game has a couple of superstars, some decent players,
some marginal guys, kickers, and someone who will be out of the league shortly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The promo-card business is a crapshoot, as proven by the
previously ridiculed cards of Scott Chiamparino and Kevin Morton. The whole
enterprise looks even sillier through a 20-year lens. But even given all that,
I would choose the ’93 Fleer football promo sheet over the Fleer Ultra X-Men
promo sheet that came out a year later.</span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5htUunoMM0A/UcuTbc-OnrI/AAAAAAAAAtA/ZRsO6wTwqH0/s1600/Fleer+001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5htUunoMM0A/UcuTbc-OnrI/AAAAAAAAAtA/ZRsO6wTwqH0/s640/Fleer+001.jpg" width="466" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Don’t get me wrong: I like comics. I like comic art. I like
comic art on trading cards. I like Marvel comics. I like the X-Men. I like
comic art of the X-Men on trading cards. I like comic art of the X-Men on
trading cards with a side of fries to go with that shake. But I do not like this
promo sheet, Sam I Am.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Here’s why: Look at this sheet. Where do your eyes go? If
your eyes are like mine, they go into the back of your head and stay there
until it’s safe for them to come out again. There’s so much to look at that you
don’t look at anything, and everything is a different color. Beast’s blue is
different from Angel’s blue which is different from Iceman’s blue which is
different from the blue in the center of the card that serves as a background
for the product logo in – you guessed it – a different shade of blue. Hulk
Green is different from the ectoplasmic green that serves as the background for
the X-Men Gold Team cards, which are, yes, green. There’s Magneto red and
Bishop red and Archangel purple and Jean Grey pink (which really, really ought
to be a contradiction) and two Storms that don’t really look much like one
another, since one looks like a possessed Lady Gaga in a silver bodysuit and
the other looks like a possessed Beyonce in a silver bodysuit.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">[3]</span></span></span></span></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I could have cut this sheet into nine pieces and ridiculed
each one separately, but had I done that there would have been nothing to
ridicule. This box of Cracker Jack would have contained eight nice-looking
comic art cards and a prize. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes we get so engrossed in the search for stupidity
that we overlook the excellence. Sometimes the stupidity is in the
presentation. And given that I’ve just spent 1,200 words talking about Fleer
promo sheets, sometimes the fricking stupidity is right here.</span></div>
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">[1]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
More or less. As my son observed while we watched Wallenda battle the winds
and praise the Lord, “He’s got something to break his fall. Rocks.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">[2]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
Seems obvious I know, but even Jim and Sparky would be amazed at how many times
this didn’t happen.</span></div>
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">[3]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
Neither being a stretch, sartorially or cerebrally.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span>Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-12200438496587190302013-06-19T13:37:00.004-07:002013-08-01T06:54:44.813-07:00The So-Called Collectible of My So-Called Life<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In the late 1800s, when horsecars were giving way to streetcars
and horses were yielding to horseless carriages, New York City took to putting
horses’ heads on trolleys in an attempt to dupe the horses into thinking these
new contraptions were actually horse-related and not the robotic vacuums of
another day. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The horses would have none of it, and good for the horses. But it
wasn’t exactly unraveling the genome for a horse to determine that a
16-wheeled, wooden-bodied, anticlimbered thing with windows, seats, a uniformed
attendant, and a big, clangy bell was not a fellow traveler. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The point for this column is that new technology doth make fools
of us all, and because none of us are able to fully discern the extent to which
a new technology might break us out of our habit box, we clothe the new stuff
in the old stuff to make it less threatening at the same time we dress up the
old stuff to make it look more like new technology despite its absence of, you
know, new technology.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I had this conversation today with the head of marketing for a
small quasi-tech company that plays in the same space as Apple, Microsoft,
Verizon, and other howitzers, only with people instead of microchips and
algorithms. “We’re doing the same thing that the phone company did 30 years ago,”
he said, “and we’re trying to pass it off as groundbreaking.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It is in that spirit of half-truthiness that we present the 1995 Super
Slam this is my life™ series.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jZJWzFr_gaQ/UcIWPc9COiI/AAAAAAAAAsU/vO3hE6pkzWA/s1600/Piazza.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jZJWzFr_gaQ/UcIWPc9COiI/AAAAAAAAAsU/vO3hE6pkzWA/s400/Piazza.jpg" width="283" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The coming of computers and the rise of the internet prompted all
sorts of horse-on-the-streetcar moments in the Handful O’Landfill omniverse.
Upper Deck and Topps experimented with “virtual cards” that included perhaps a
scrap of video and some pseudo-collectibility. Topps created a “stock exchange”
for its eTopps cards, and if you find it ludicrous that people would pay real
money for a computer image of a nonexistent card that could in theory be sold
in its nonexistent computer-image form to someone else at a real-money profit
to you, you’re among friends. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The interesting thing about these virtual cards of Midre Cummings
was that for the most part they were designed to do exactly what a real card of
Midre Cummings would do, which is lay there inert. If you interacted with paper
cards by reading their stats, putting them in alphabetical order by team, and
checking them off the checklist, you had far more up-close-and-personal contact
with them than you could possibly have with one of the online models.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[1]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Online cards have largely passed from the firmament, leaving
behind only slivers of RAM, but other cards from the
low-tech-dressed-up-as-high-tech side of the street were not so lucky. We’ve
touched on some of these cards and their pathetic attempts to show
demi-realistic action or create the impression of perspective or depth.
Sportflics, Upper Deck holograms, Donruss Die-Cuts, SkyBox E-Motion, and the
Pro Set <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Young Indiana Jones </i>3-D cards
all failed to one degree or another. To the extent that any of these products
are collectible, it’s not because they created the sensation of reality or
movement out of pictures on cardboard; it’s because they were so poorly
received in the marketplace that they’re nearly (but not nearly enough)
nonexistent.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: inherit;">In that hierarchy, the Super Slam this is my life™ series might be
the nearly nonexistentest of the bunch. I have not seen any of these outside of
the samples you see here, not that I go looking for them. As the quite late
Steve Goodman astutely observed, “Don’t go lookin’ for trouble/Trouble will find you.”
And in my world, trouble takes the shape of a die-cut Jack McDowell set on top
of a picture of Jack McDowell.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ooN9zmrWxcc/UcIWNofGBqI/AAAAAAAAAsM/DtDEwUbvzoY/s1600/McDowell.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ooN9zmrWxcc/UcIWNofGBqI/AAAAAAAAAsM/DtDEwUbvzoY/s400/McDowell.jpg" width="290" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Members of our department had to assemble custom boxes the other
day for a promotional mailing, and I was amazed at the ingenuity in design that
can turn a flat piece of cardboard into a tight, solid box with a parcel shelf,
a goodie well, and a cutout for a USB drive. I do not have the same sort of
admiration for the Super Slam this is my life™ series.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I suppose my feeling has to do with the relentless low-tech approach
followed in creating these. As mentioned before, the Super Slam this is my life™
series overlays a player photo with the same photo only die-cut, and then
encases the Piazza sandwich in a heavy
silver checkerboard border. The McDowell "variant" (if you can call it that, since it has just as much claim to being the original deal as the Piazza card) features two heavy black borders surrounding a heavier silver checkerboard border. Regardless of your choice of variant (and as far as variants go, I prefer Hasil Adkins: </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Nz9jR_AuLM"><span style="font-family: inherit;">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Nz9jR_AuLM</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">), these are what Action Packed cards would have
looked like if they had been designed by A-Ha and not some grumpy dude from
Chicago.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The card back is scarcely larger than a normal card, but is packed
to the gunwales with unreadable answers to unreal semi-questions, including
“Earned Money As a Kid.” In Piazza’s case, he earned money as a kid driving
truck, which if it wasn’t one of those battery-powered John Deere kiddie trucks
is plumb full of interesting legal implications. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Is there more? Of course there is. Once you whip out the 10x loupe
you learn that among Jack McDowell’s notable ancestors is Eddie Keane, a
one-armed minor-league second baseman, and that his favorite song is his own
composition called “Reinvent.”</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[2]</span></span></span></span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Obviously the Super Slam this is my life™ series did nothing to
stop the computer/internet/eBay onslaught. In that regard, it wasn’t someone holding
a flower standing in front of a tank in Tienamen Square. It was an ant clutching
a grain of pollen perched on a flower held by someone standing in front of a
tank in Tienamen Square. It got squished beyond recognition, but the tank? The tank
rolled on.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></div>
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
</span><div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[1]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> This
relationship between hard and vapor copy is virtually identical to most print
magazines and their on-pad counterparts. While the on-pad magazine offers the
most potential for interaction, most actual interaction takes place between the
reader of a print magazine and the printed piece itself. And call me a
fuddy-duddy, but I have yet to see the virtual magazine that can be rolled up
and used in a pinch to cudgel a trespassing wasp.</span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn2" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: inherit; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[2]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> This
revelation, along with the facts that McDowell’s favorite color is magenta and
his favorite place to eat is Chicago’s Taco & Burrito Palace, is tempered
by McDowell’s statements that his favorite athlete is Roger Clemens and his
favorite show is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">American Gladiators.</i>
A complex one, that Black Jack.</span></div>
</div>
</div>
Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-2079545141397388632013-05-29T05:14:00.000-07:002013-05-30T04:59:13.147-07:00Shiny Spanky CCGs<span style="font-family: inherit;">There's a number of cut points in the Handful O'Landfill era, but few so pronounced as the one between the time when you could print the
picture of anyone in an athletic uniform on a slab of cardboard and have it
sell, and the time you could print a picture of any vaguely
Japanese character on a piece of cardboard, be it sketchy and saucer-eyed and
samuraied with acute angles for shoulders or round and pink and Jigglypuffy,
connect it tenuously to a game of such labyrinthine complexity that not even
the designers could play it properly, and sell it like it was the Apple iBacon.
Those were the days when the CCG – collectible card game – was in full flower,
driven like Vin Diesel with a Dwayne Johnson chaser by two fantastic
properties: Magic: The Gathering for the so-called grownups and Pokémon for the
presumed-to-be-kids.</span><br />
<br />
P<span style="font-family: inherit;">okémon in particular had it nailed.
It was a CCG based on a cartoon that was based on a CCG that was based on a
cartoon that was based on a CCG that was based on a lengthy conversation with a
4-K class. It occupied the sweet spot equidistant from anime and the sword-and-sorcery line of Games for Dorks, it had a
bottomless supply of characters that took their inspiration from the pop
culture of three or four different cultures, and its creators obviously had
access to pharmaceuticals so mind-blowing that you could give yourself a
concussion just thinking about them. It was the coolest thing to come out of
Japan since the Teisco May Que</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="_ftnref"><span style="font-family: inherit;">en.</span></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span style="mso-bookmark: _ftnref;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[1]</span></span></span></span></span></a>
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">CCGs
like Pokémon had some real advantages over sports cards, especially if you
signed the checks that tied to an actual account. Best of all was that most
CCGs were constructed from more-or-less intellectual property. You could spend
moodles on a Marvel or DC or Tolkien license for your CCG, but why would you
want to when you could hire an overactive imagination off the street and create
your own saucer-eyed World of Weird?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This
obviously did not stop people from spending moodles on Marvel, DC, and MLB CCG
licenses, but that was just a manifestation of their unbounded belief in their
own infallibility. Marvel Overpower in particular was the Facebook Phone of
collectible card games.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">However,
let the record show that not every CCG built out of intellectual property was
Pokémon or even Pokémon Lite, and not every spiky-haired anime hero was a
pocket millionaire. For every Pokémon or even a modestly successful property
like Yu-Gi-Oh there were scores of properties that were tried and found
wanting.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sailor
Moon was a particular favorite. Now before all you animites start doing huffy
breaths at me, let me say that I like Sailor Moon. I do not love Sailor Moon,
because that would be borderline weird. I like Sailor Moon. I admire Sailor
Moon. I edited a long, long story on Sailor Moon for the magazine <i>PoJo’s
Pokémon</i>, and I found the story arc fascinating. Sort of like Galsworthy
where everyone has a magical power like Shiny Spanky Uterus. </span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[2]</span></span></span></span></span></a>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WIKgY_NvLUw/UaZ6BNG2AtI/AAAAAAAAAr4/lJyogCWSDgY/s1600/Cardcaptors+0012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WIKgY_NvLUw/UaZ6BNG2AtI/AAAAAAAAAr4/lJyogCWSDgY/s400/Cardcaptors+0012.jpg" width="223" /></a></div>
A<span style="font-family: inherit;">bout halfway between Yu-Gi-Oh and
Sailor Moon was a property called Cardcaptors. Cardcaptors had all the pieces
of a successful Japanese crossover hit: There were plenty of episodes of an
animated series in the can, there was a trading-card series and a CCG – heck,
the whole premise of the series was built around cards – there were plush toys
and keychains and board games and a modest hillock of licensed properties, plus
tie-ins with AOL and Kids' WB, and a website, and this cool rating chart that
showed that Cardcaptors trailed only Pokémon (though by almost a two-to-one
margin, admittedly) in the ratings of kids' anime series.<span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[3]</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Given all that, what could possibly
go wrong?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Upper Deck got the card license, for
one thing.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">For all its success in sports cards
Upper Deck had the Touch of Lead when it came to non-sport. Its modus operandi
was to throw obscene amounts of money at properties just to keep someone else
from getting them, sit with its head in its collective hands and wail, “What
are we going to do with this?”, and then take the first harebrained idea that
came along. It was like the writers’ room for <i>Your Show of Shows</i>, where
Mel Brooks, Neil Simon, Danny Simon, Mel Tolkin, and Carl Reiner fought for
gags – only after hours, when all the writers were gone and just the janitors
were left.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">For instance, Upper Deck got the
license for the <i>Mighty Morphin Power Rangers</i>, then the top-rated TV show
and dead-solid No. 1 licensed property for card-buying, weapon-toting,
helmet-wearing pre-adolescent boys, and devised a super-high-end set that only
the kids of Texas Rangers could afford – and we’re talking position players
here. None of these situational lefties.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Upper Deck got the Looney Tunes
license, hired Chuck Jones, merged it with Major League Baseball and the Upper
Deck stable of superstar endorsers, and came up with a set of storyboards for
grade-Q cartoons and a series of awkward situations involving Ken Griffey Jr.
and a duck.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Upper Deck got the license for
Valiant Comics, at that time the most collectible comics marque in the
business, and produced a stinking dungheap. It definitely captured the Valiant
oeuvre but didn’t sell a lick.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Upper Deck formed a non-sport
division, called it Pyramid, and employed a director who – thanks to former <i>Cards
Illustrated </i>editor Don Butler for the deathless image – kept his office
door closed constantly for fear that someone might ask him to produce a card
set.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So let’s review: Upper Deck, a
successful sport-card company with the non-sport track record of Rich Kotite
and a non-sport product manager whose best position was hiding under his desk,
secured the license for a Japanese collectible card game that came with its own
popular animated series, ready-made licensed products, and a storyline that
involved collecting and playing with cards – trading cards. How could Upper Deck
possibly screw up this one?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Here’s how: Cardcaptors involved
epic battles just like Yu-Gi-Oh, with cards just like Yu-Gi-Oh, and a TV series
just like Yu-Gi-Oh and licensed products just like Yu-Gi-Oh, but its lead
character <i>was a girl</i>. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Oops! Just heard a pin drop.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rtG9R9tdpo8/UaXwpyIpktI/AAAAAAAAArg/0eJRx1DTmlE/s1600/Cardcaptors+0022.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rtG9R9tdpo8/UaXwpyIpktI/AAAAAAAAArg/0eJRx1DTmlE/s400/Cardcaptors+0022.jpg" width="265" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The chief Cardcaptor was named
Sakura, and she and her friend Li worked with Kero, keeper of the Clow Book</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">[4]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">, to
defend the cards and … and something. Harness their magic, I guess. Most anime
series involve someone trying to harness someone else’s magic. There must be an
awful lot of magic running around Japan unharnessed, and that’s got to be a big
problem in such a small country.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Anyway. The Cardcaptors material
also mistakenly plays up the fashion angle. “Fashion-savvy Sakura sets the
trends!” it proclaims, and adds, “With a different battle costume in every
episode of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Cardcaptors</i>, Sakura’s
sense of style is unmatched.” That was probably a mistake, seeing as the
costumes look like something the Statue of Liberty would wear if she went to a
lot of coming-out parties dressed as a fairy ballerina.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In Japan, poor cute little backwards
podcar-driving Japan, the idea of women – girls – as action heroes is
well-accepted. They aren’t sidekicks and don’t need sidekicks, save for the
occasional magical cat. America, big burly manly truck-driving God Bless
America, isn’t ready for girls starring as Ash Ketchum or Ben 10. That sends
the wrong message – and besides, not every American girl under the age of 10
has a Barbie yet. Never mind that Cardcaptors as a story concept was more
charming, more entertaining, more satisfying on almost every level save the
decibel level than Yu-Gi-Oh. Never mind that Upper Deck could have tried
something really radical and marketed a collectible card game to girls. Nope.
Instead of pushing the envelope Upper Deck threw in the towel. Cardcaptors was
done almost before it was born.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We love to talk about the magical
times, the times the stars line up and produce something so much greater than
the sum of its parts that we’re dumbstruck. <i>The Wizard of Oz</i>. <i>The
Great Gatsby</i> (the book, thank you very much, Mr. Luhrmann). The eponymous
Warren Zevon album. Key lime pie. But for each one of those there are scores of
unruly stars, of seemingly random points of bright light that never quite
managed to get things lined up. Cardcaptors is one of those. But you know, if
they had gotten everything lined up I wouldn’t be talking about Cardcaptors
today. You would.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span><br />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[1]</span></span></span></span> <span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&site=imghp&tbm=isch&source=hp&biw=1280&bih=947&q=teisco+may+queen&oq=teisco+ma&gs_l=img.1.0.0j0i24l2.950.2930.0.5354.9.8.0.1.1.0.100.541.7j1.8.0...0.0...1ac.1.14.img.jRuXPaHbbm8"><span style="color: blue;">Here</span></a>. Or for Jim and Sparky and the rest of you automotive types, <a href="http://thejapans.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/img_5574.jpg"><span style="color: blue;">this</span></a>.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[2] </span></span></span></span>As
God is my witness, that was the literal translation of one of the StarSailors’
powers. I thought it would get more logical as my wife got older but it didn’t.</span></span><br />
<div id="ftn3" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[3] </span></span></span></span>The ones it beat, in case you’re wondering: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dragonball
Z, Digimon, Sailor Moon, </i>and<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Gundam
Wing</i>. So not exactly the Miami Heat.</span></span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn4" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[4] </span></span></span></span>The
names didn’t help, certainly.</span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-67533950072400270432013-05-22T09:48:00.001-07:002013-06-21T08:26:31.344-07:00Have a Snot Sip, Rex Menu, Or Stoney's End<span style="font-family: inherit;">It was either write about these cards I found inside my desk
or place my head on the aforementioned desk and nap.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: blue;">[1]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">
You decide which was a better use of my time.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fOCS7igTsy0/UZz1JP1lWxI/AAAAAAAAAqA/ChsO38AAx5s/s1600/Grant+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fOCS7igTsy0/UZz1JP1lWxI/AAAAAAAAAqA/ChsO38AAx5s/s320/Grant+2.jpg" width="225" /></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-N2OynOlyT5I/UZz1OZd_GII/AAAAAAAAAqY/2JxuDA4GNaw/s1600/grant+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-N2OynOlyT5I/UZz1OZd_GII/AAAAAAAAAqY/2JxuDA4GNaw/s320/grant+1.jpg" style="cursor: move;" unselectable="on" width="225" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The technology is staggering (by 1990s trading-card
standards) behind this SkyBox eX card, the more highly evolved version of the
E-Motion card we pilloried months ago. The front is a mirror image of the back,
yet nothing is reversed. Grant Hill’s jersey reads “PISTONS” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>front and back, not “PISTONS” and “SNOTSIP.”</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: blue;">[2]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">
Even the writing on the basketball reads appropriately front and back. Near as
I can figure, a graphic artist worked hours on each card un-backwardsing
everything that went backwards when the image was flipped. It’s like building
the Great Pyramid of Cheops with Macs.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s a gobsmacking little trick, but so what? Trading cards
were the collectible equivalent of the Princess phone when this card came out,
and this particular card wasn’t going to halt the slide to the abyss. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In that respect it’s a lot like a car ad. There’s a class of
car ads that consists of footage of vehicles navigating ever more absurd
settings – up the sides of walls, careening through pinball machines, whipping
down the intestinal tract, dodging chunks of City Hall in post-apocalyptic Los
Angeles, plowing merrily through in the bowels of hell, outacting Tom Cruise in
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Mission: Impossible </i>movies, crossing
the Atlantic, appearing suddenly in the middle of the battle of Yorktown – but
in the end it’s just a car driving. You could have saved yourself $5 million,
given the nice CGI man a day off, filmed a Chevy Malibu cruising down Grand Avenue, and sold just as many cars.
Same here. You could have just put a nice Grant Hill picture on a nice piece of
cardboard and sold as many Grant Hill cards as this double-positive piece of
legerdemain.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: blue;">[3]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BvQ5z790yz0/UZz1Lod7VGI/AAAAAAAAAqQ/vR6Skxmvv6Y/s1600/Elliott.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="237" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BvQ5z790yz0/UZz1Lod7VGI/AAAAAAAAAqQ/vR6Skxmvv6Y/s320/Elliott.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
</span></span></span><br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Note that I chose not to remove the protective film. That’s
because I know what’s underneath.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span></span><br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5376W-hQzrU/UZz1KblGLqI/AAAAAAAAAqI/vCCznKfkU9o/s1600/mozaic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5376W-hQzrU/UZz1KblGLqI/AAAAAAAAAqI/vCCznKfkU9o/s320/mozaic.jpg" width="232" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
</div>
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">One of my sons’ elementary-school classmates was named
Jamyz, which always struck me as a particularly cruel hip-hop joke. For the
record, I feel the same way about Mozaics.
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TIAc_kRggCY/UZ0LmUEDzoI/AAAAAAAAAqw/qrnLRDICuYA/s1600/case.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TIAc_kRggCY/UZ0LmUEDzoI/AAAAAAAAAqw/qrnLRDICuYA/s320/case.jpg" width="237" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The best way to describe Stoney Case is that he’s Tim Tebow without
the athleticism, which begs the question: What was Signature Rookies trying to
accomplish by making a trading card of him, paying money to have him sign it,
and then attempting to market it as a collectible? There was no market for
autographed Stoney Case cards, no pent-up demand for Stoney Case cards that
built all through college and was only waiting for his matriculation(ish) from
New Mexico to burst to the surface, and furthermore there was no path in
professional ball that could have elevated him from emergency-starter status or
make him anything other than the kind of quarterback that you tell, “Just hand
off the damn ball."</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="_ftnref4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn4" title=""><span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: inherit; mso-bookmark: _ftnref4;">[4]</span><span style="mso-bookmark: _ftnref4;"></span></span></a> <span style="mso-bookmark: _ftnref4;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">The CFL
didn’t want him, for Pete’s sake, and in the absence of the Lingerie Football
League the only way things could play out was for Case to hold clipboards for
four years, get thrown into the breach and found wanting (four TDs and 15
interceptions in 20 games, six starts), take a tour of several training camps
and tryouts, and then pick up his career as a high-school football coach or
insurance agent. He came and went, and like a Looney Tunes witch leaving bobby
pins in her wake, he left behind this autographed card for us to remember him
by.</span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I think I’m going to throw it away now.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-btm65yh9xpY/UZz1H2tbwEI/AAAAAAAAAp4/tnV4RcEXgMs/s1600/CBA.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-btm65yh9xpY/UZz1H2tbwEI/AAAAAAAAAp4/tnV4RcEXgMs/s320/CBA.jpg" width="230" /></a></div>
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Long before Jeremy Lin and Yao Ming there was the Upper Deck
Chinese Basketball Alliance set. Call it prescience; I call it throwing crap on
the wall to see what sticks.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn5" name="_ftnref5" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn5;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: blue;">[5]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Unlike previous attempts to foist an outmoded technology on
the lucrative Asian sports-collectibles market, the Upper Deck CBA set made no nods
or winks to western markets. Well, other than the usual Upper Deck stuff, of
course. In Taiwan, your chances of buying this set were slightly less than
getting a good plate of pompano en <span lang="FR" style="mso-ansi-language: FR;">papillote</span>,
while your chances of finding these cards at any church-basement show from Perth
Amboy to Petaluma were greater than the odds of finding at least one attendee
who thought “Old Spice” referred to nutmeg. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Given that, this set’s raison d’être grows fainter with each
passing day. Because there is not a shred of English on these cards and no one
in my pod reads Mandarin, I have no idea who these players are and what their
relative goodness level is, other than to assume if the best you can do as a
professional athlete is land on a team with the first name of “Luckipar,” you
are probably not a professional athlete that needs to be immortalized on
hundreds of thousands of cardboard rectangles. A simple line in a program will
suffice, thank you. </span><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">That begs another question: Why is this person smiling? He is
living in a foreign culture, eating dogs and eyeballs (and sometimes even dog’s
eyeballs), he doesn’t understand the language – he can’t even tell you what it
says on his shirt, for crying out loud – the beer tastes like soybeans, and he’s
about 5,000 miles away from even the absolute worst franchise in the NBA,
playing for a team so bad that not even Dexter Cambridge wants to play for them.
I’ve got an idea: maybe it’s rictus. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-weZu6-LU1rY/UZz1F6rjSoI/AAAAAAAAApw/8oiiFB7lOmA/s1600/luckipar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="232" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-weZu6-LU1rY/UZz1F6rjSoI/AAAAAAAAApw/8oiiFB7lOmA/s320/luckipar.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">What’s better than a picture of a smiling basketball
player in a jersey he can’t even read? A team-logo card of a team no one’s
heard of, written in a language no one can speak, describing the glorious history
of a franchise that can’t be very glorious, seeing as it only was in existence
from 1993 to 2000, max.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn6" name="_ftnref6" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn6;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: blue;">[6]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Turns out the team name was wrong on both counts. It wasn’t
that lucky and it was way below par.</span><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<br />
<br />
<br />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<br />
<div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: blue;">[1]</span></span></span></span></span></a> <span style="font-family: inherit;"> An
activity that requires a mouthguard, apparently. For those of you who don’t
know, I work at a dental-insurance company, and because of my position I
receive oral-health tips periodically. Today’s tip included a list of sports
for which a mouthguard is suggested. The actual list included discus-throwing
and skiing; the list we came up with added bocce, synchronized swimming, and
falling asleep at your desk. So I should be wearing a mouthguard while typing
this, just to be on the safe side. </span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn2" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: blue;">[2]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">
There’s a thought, huh, McLauchlin and Seals?</span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn3" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: blue;">[3]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">
Though speaking of post-apocalyptic stuff, isn’t it amazing that Grant Hill is
still at it, creating separation from defenders and burying the fallaway
15-footer? He’s hit the same shot on Steph Curry and his <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">dad</i>. I swear, he’s the NBA’s very own post-atomic cockroach.</span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn4" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref4" name="_ftn4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: blue;">[4]</span></span></span></span></span></a> <span style="font-family: inherit;"> So
naturally he started games for Detroit and Arizona.</span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn5" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref5" name="_ftn5" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn5;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: blue;">[5]</span></span></span></span></span></a> <span style="font-family: inherit;">
Or, alternately, I call it someone at Upper Deck saying, “we should do a CBA
set,” and forgetting that there was a Continental Basketball Association already
alive and well (or at least, as alive and well as anything with Isaiah Thomas
running it can be) in the United States.</span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn6" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref6" name="_ftn6" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn6;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: blue;">[6]</span></span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">
The league history (at </span><a href="http://www.taiwanhoops.com/2001/01/chinese-basketball-alliance-brief.html"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">http://www.taiwanhoops.com/2001/01/chinese-basketball-alliance-brief.html</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">)
is semi-fascinating, though. The first player to score a point in CBA history
was named “Rex Menu,” which leads one to believe that Marvin Barnes chose his
new alias at Denny’s.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></div>
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-41704733662748234342013-05-08T09:41:00.006-07:002013-05-08T09:41:58.085-07:00Kenny Make Davy Go Boom-Boom<span style="font-family: inherit;">The trading-card business was like preschool. You had people
who played by the rules and people who did everything they could to get around
the rules.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Here’s what I mean about preschool. My daughter and son went
to the same preschool at different times. My daughter was a model citizen. She
colored when she was supposed to color with the colors she was supposed to
color with, ate her breakfast when she was supposed to eat her breakfast, took
her nap when she was supposed to nap, sang when she was supposed to sing, and
wore her reindeer antlers and Rudolph nose during the Christmas program, just
the way she was asked. In return, she got two cookies and a glass of punch at
the end of the program.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">My son, on the other hand, would only color what he wanted
to color with his two favorite colors – black and dark blue. He didn’t eat what
he was supposed to eat when he was supposed to eat it. He hated napping, hated
singing more, and refused to wear reindeer antlers or a Rudolph nose at the
Christmas program. In return, he got dragged out of Stevens Point Pacelli High
School without a glass of punch or even one cookie. (I ate his cookie. It was
mighty fine.)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In the trading-card business there were companies that acted
a lot like my daughter. They showed the logos the right size in the right
position except for the occasional airbrush, they included all the players they
were supposed to include and did not try to slip a Kevin Maas card into every set
they made, they made reasonable(ish) quantities of their products, they didn’t
cut backdoor deals with certain distributors, they paid their bills on time,
and in return got a glass of punch and two cookies – one from the league and
one from the players’ association.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Then there were the companies that took their behavioral
cues from a four-year-old snot. They didn’t give a hoot about logo and
licensing restrictions, they had no compunction about shoehorning a hockey
player into a basketball set and a football draft pick into an
all-time-great-bowlers set, they made limited editions of 4 million and slipped
cases out a back door the size of the Colossus of Rhodes, they paid on whims
(and were pretty much whim-proof), and in return they got punched. Or they
ought to have been punched.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And – oh, look: Here are some Classic World Class Athletes
cards.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-F6qlMQG78nQ/UYqABFBiGQI/AAAAAAAAAok/TXyWWogP6CE/s1600/bela.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-F6qlMQG78nQ/UYqABFBiGQI/AAAAAAAAAok/TXyWWogP6CE/s200/bela.jpg" width="146" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-t4AZwlPAPrg/UYp_9nTbdfI/AAAAAAAAAoU/qbrUOLu4vZc/s1600/Pete.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-t4AZwlPAPrg/UYp_9nTbdfI/AAAAAAAAAoU/qbrUOLu4vZc/s200/Pete.jpg" width="145" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Let me get the good things about Classic out of the way.
Classic had a vertically integrated business model that John D. Rockefeller
would have loved. Classic took trading cards into shopping networks, formerly
the bastion of floral polyester dirndls, clad aluminum cookware, and back-acne
preparations. Classic added a sense of urgency and value to draft-pick cards.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "inherit","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: inherit; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[1]</span></span></span></span></a><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">On the other hand, Classic circumvented every rule and
regulation, and made David Stern go boom-boom all over his booster seat, to
make cards of professional athletes without securing the approval of the
appropriate licensing bodies. It made limited editions with limits in the
millions, it cut deals that made the Shark Tank look like the Guppy Bowl, it
specialized in nearly authentic autographs, and it had a lucrative
make-your-own-promo-card operation that basically ruined the promo-card market.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "inherit","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: inherit; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[2]</span></span></span></span></a><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Given all this, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that Classic
was headed by perhaps the most annoying person in the hobby.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "inherit","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: inherit; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[3]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">
Ken Goldin looked like the love child of Mark Zuckerberg and Beaker from <em>The Muppet Show</em>, and
talked like Gilbert Gottfried with a mastoid. He had the habit of calling into
the Home Shopping Network when his products were being schlepped, posing as
“Ken from New Jersey” and uttering rapturous notes on his cards’ quality and
value. He was the biggest shyster in the land of shysters; people dealt with
him with one hand holding their nose and the other clutching their pocketbook,
but deal with him they did, because he had what they wanted.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dVX6PDwm0Wk/UYp_6xLLfjI/AAAAAAAAAoI/ulGIRhrEdXc/s1600/evans.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="219" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dVX6PDwm0Wk/UYp_6xLLfjI/AAAAAAAAAoI/ulGIRhrEdXc/s320/evans.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">What they wanted did not include the 1992 World Class
Athletes set, by the way. This is somewhat ironic, because World Class Athletes
were about as close as Classic came to making a semi-legitimate set. This was
Classic’s attempt to gather the best athletes who weren’t parts of leagues or
covered under blanket licensing agreements and put them into a set. Sure, there
were some of the usual Classic suspects (Patrick Ewing, Larry Bird, Scottie
Pippen, Charles Barkley, and John Stockton, and Desmond Howard and Rocket
Ismail), but there was also Pete Sampras, bless his curly-topped head, and Bela
Karolyi holding (in an appropriate fashion) two tiny gymnasts on his shoulders,
and the twin decathletes Dan O’Brien and Dave Johnson, and Muhammad Ali and
Oscar de la Hoya, and Carl Lewis and Michael Johnson, and even professional
volleyballer Bob Ctvrtlik , because what’s a set of world-class athletes
without at least one vowel-challenged tall guy?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Classic is long gone but Goldin is not, much as you may have
rather wished for the opposite outcome. Goldin Auctions recently sold a T206
Honus Wagner card, and is currently caught in the middle of the dispute between
Kobe Bryant and his mom over Kobe’s high-school uniforms and other memorabilia
from his early days that he said he didn’t want but now doesn’t want sold. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">After dealing with Barry Bonds’ mom, I have this advice for
Ken from New Jersey: Wear a helmet. And if it comes down to the mom or the
mamba, take the mom. And the points.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RVJs1EoQDWc/UYqAAIWVvKI/AAAAAAAAAog/P9ibrfB64cY/s1600/andre.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RVJs1EoQDWc/UYqAAIWVvKI/AAAAAAAAAog/P9ibrfB64cY/s320/andre.jpg" width="219" /></a></div>
</span><br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The essential lie here, of course, is that there is no way
this set represents Baseball’s Best anything. The player is acceptable – a Hall
of Famer in name, thanks mainly to one great season spent scaling the Walls of
Ivy. But the photo is pedestrian, the design is execrable, the backs are poo,
and the distribution model renders these cards worthless from the getgo. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Baseball’s Best was made from 1987-88 and sold as a boxed
set in McCrory’s stores. Been to a McCrory’s store lately? Know anyone who goes
to McCrory’s, or ever went to McCrory’s? </span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">McCrory’s was a rookie-league version of Woolworth’s. Still
struggling? Okay, try this: It was a Dollar General with notions. We won’t get
into what kind of notions.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There is also no redemption in the knowledge that the set's f</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">ull name is “Baseball’s Best Sluggers vs. Pitchers,” because the
sluggers don’t really face off against the pitchers, and if they did pity the
pitchers, especially Joe Dawley.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s ridiculously easy to buy a sealed Baseball’s Best set. It’s
the baseball-card equivalent of buying a bottle of Thunderbird.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: inherit; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[4]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">
In fact, it’s easier to buy a sealed set than an open one. Speculators bought
thousands of the sets when they came out and hung onto them, waiting for the
inevitable price rise that became all-too-evitable. And it’s hard to move even
a thousand sets when demand is sitting at the half-set level.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">These speculators are easy to spot. When you visit their
homes, look inside their walls. The insulation has a common motif.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Of all the lame attempts to create a collectible during the
Handful O’Landfill era, this is the one least able to walk without assistance. I’m
ashamed to have even a single card in my pseudo-collection, but the only
redemption in this mess is that I once had a full set. And my house is warmer than it
used to be.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nhQaqrmYoTQ/UYp_8HVpGpI/AAAAAAAAAoQ/44WFabEwGO8/s1600/Gordon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="221" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nhQaqrmYoTQ/UYp_8HVpGpI/AAAAAAAAAoQ/44WFabEwGO8/s320/Gordon.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
</span><br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Last time I mentioned how holograms work better with
three-dimensional objects than with objects that are not currently 3-D, like
Babe Ruth. Here’s proof.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This
1994 Upper Deck Motorsports Salutes Jeff Gordon card features a really neat Gordon
hologram, and you know why it’s so cool? It’s because Upper Deck put Jeff
Gordon in a special studio and shot him from all angles, like they were taking
an X-ray. And then when they created the hologram they kept the image small, to
keep it from getting too diffused and indiscernible.</span>
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The
result may be the best hologram card ever, but you know what? I still don’t
care. It’s an Upper Deck NASCAR card, and when you’ve seen one NASCAR card
you’ve pretty much seen them all. No other sport has as much of its sportness
taken away in the card-creating process. Noise? Smell? Skill? Spinouts? Slap
fights? Nope, nope, nope, nope, and nope. They’ve been replaced by rednecks on
headsets and long, loving shots of sponsor logos.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I never thought I’d say these words, but here goes: If only
this were a bowling card.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p><br />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<br />
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "inherit","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: inherit; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[1]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">
It’s 50-50 as to whether this is an asset or just a fact. Sticking lighted
matchheads into your skin hurts. That’s a fact, but it doesn’t make me want to
buy matches. Classic had a Huey Richardson card available within a couple weeks
of the 1991 NFL draft. That’s a fact, but it didn’t make me want a Huey
Richardson card. It made me want to curl up in a corner with a blanket over my
head.</span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn2" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "inherit","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: inherit; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[2]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;">
Not that it shouldn’t have been ruined, but still.</span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn3" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "inherit","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: inherit; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[3]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;"> It
would have been a contest, though. A real contest. It would make <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Voice</i> look like a bulldog beauty
pageant.</span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn4" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref4" name="_ftn4" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn4;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "inherit","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: inherit; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[4]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small;"> As
Townes Van Zandt talked/sung in “Talking Thunderbird Blues,” “Among the
strangest things I ever heard/ Was when a friend of mine said, ‘Man, let’s get
some Thunderbird’/ I said, ‘What’s that?’ He just started to grin/Slobbered on
his shirt, his eyes got dim/He said, ‘You got fifty-nine cents?’”</span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4860608592358698162.post-74036097583300087812013-04-30T14:36:00.002-07:002013-05-09T05:17:03.783-07:00The Babe, The Dupe, And The Nine-Pocket Sheet At The End Of The World<span style="font-family: inherit;">I was cleaning out a filing cabinet – stranger things
happen, but not many – and came upon a nine-pocket sheet of cards filled with
the cards described below. The combination of randomness and mediocrity swept
over me like a tsunami, and a column – a series of columns, more likely -- was
born. Don’t blame me, blame them.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FupMY7Mf3gs/UYA44Ilbt9I/AAAAAAAAAnc/yuyQKYwvxdE/s1600/Mario.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FupMY7Mf3gs/UYA44Ilbt9I/AAAAAAAAAnc/yuyQKYwvxdE/s320/Mario.jpg" width="227" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We might as well dispatch with the legitimate card first.
The combination of restrained design (in team colors, yet), compelling
photography and star power makes this the best Pacific Trading Card ever.
Honestly: What Pittsburgh Penguins fan's humble abode would not be graced by
this card’s presence? You wouldn’t want it staring back at you from the sheets
when you pull the covers back at night, or greeting you as you lift the lid, but
otherwise this is the shizzle. The problem, of course, is that Pacific made
roughly 100,000 other cards, almost none of which were as good as this, and
many of which were far, far worse. So is it worth sifting through a Brooks
Range of Pacific-made landfill material in hopes there might be something even
better than this bad boy?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I don’t know, but it sounds like a History Channel series to
me.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Czu-_nff4Cw/UYA48pEo7qI/AAAAAAAAAn0/hw_zPVtaH8c/s1600/Lemke.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Czu-_nff4Cw/UYA48pEo7qI/AAAAAAAAAn0/hw_zPVtaH8c/s320/Lemke.jpg" width="247" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">One of my buddies sent me a link to a blog written by my old
boss, Bob Lemke (a link I’m proud to share with you – boblemke.blogspot.com,
and be sure to wear your cynicism-proof gloves), and then I stumbled upon this
card, so I guess it’s a sign that I should tell some Bob Lemke stories. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">If Oscar Levant was reincarnated as John Belushi he would
have been Bob Lemke. The combination of hypochondria (completely warranted, in
Bob’s case), acerbic wit, encyclopedic intelligence, shrewdness, self-destructive
tendencies, creative wardrobing, and curly hair could only have been created by
a mashup of the bilious-yet-charming antihero of movies like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Band Wagon</i> and the
out-of-control-yet-charming antihero of movies like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Blues Brothers</i>.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Times; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[1]</span></span></span></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There are a few people who know more about trading cards
than Bob Lemke, but most of them are dead –and one of them is definitely not
me. He’s discovered heretofore unknown sets, which is really wild when you
think about it, since we’re only going back 90 years and we’re talking about
things that were designed to be collected, if not exactly kept. If the object
matter was hot-dog wrappers it might be a different story, but these are
baseball cards. Unknown baseball cards would seem to be something that only
exists in the abstract, like leftover bacon.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Bob couldn’t move very well due to a number of ailments, but
that didn’t stop him from pitching on the company team. I’m pretty sure we had
the only lefthanded hemophiliac pitcher with rheumatoid arthritis in the entire
Iola Summer Recreational Softball League. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Every month I tried to deliver Bob a perfect issue of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Baseball Cards</i> magazine, and every month
I’d get a marked-up copy that showed the ways I had fallen short. He was
awfully nice about it, though. He always let me try again the next month, and
he defended me to his higher-ups when I called Ken Goldin (one of our biggest
advertisers) a slimewad.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Times; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[2]</span></span></span></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The absolute best thing about Bob Lemke, other than the fact
that he was allowed to put his encyclopedic knowledge into an actual
encyclopedia, was that he totally did not care what people thought of him. If
he decided he was going to wear a Razor Shines Indianapolis Indians jersey to
work that’s what he did, and if it wasn’t exactly tailored-made to fit him or
him if some high-zoot potential money type was flying in from New York to meet
him, it didn’t matter. The Razor Shines jersey was stayin’.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Most of the important things in life are accomplished by
people who could care less what others think of them, and it makes sense. It’s
hard to change the world when one hand is holding a mirror and the other hand
is cupped over your mouth so you can check your breath.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This card shows Bob as I will always remember him, smiling
in a polyester doubleknit of uncertain origin, and the back is priceless. “A
10-year veteran at KP, Bob was traded from the Old Cars division for a ’55
Cadillac hubcap,” it reads. “Collects 1950s baseball cards and memorabilia and
gets paid for playing with them at the office.” It goes on to list his hobbies
as “Cold Beer” and “Hot Women.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How could you not
want to follow someone like that into the fiery furnace – or to the Willow
Grove show, even?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-PrANSCPwcx0/UYA42mIymuI/AAAAAAAAAnU/P41KrjLFHaI/s1600/Babe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-PrANSCPwcx0/UYA42mIymuI/AAAAAAAAAnU/P41KrjLFHaI/s320/Babe.jpg" width="231" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This card didn’t start out bent to pieces, though in
retrospect it’s a darn good idea. Evidently the nine-pocket sheet was faulty
and this card slipped out and was crushed by a laptop.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Oh, well. It’s just a Babe Ruth card.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Now before you start talking in all caps, take a deep
Buddhist breath and remind yourself that not all cards are created equal, even
Babe Ruth cards. There are really valuable Babe Ruth cards, valuable Babe Ruth
cards, modestly valuable Babe Ruth cards, and holograms. And you can pretty
much guess which card type this is.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The reason why we have holograms, in case you were
wondering, is so something astonishingly three-dimensional can emerge from a
flat, two-dimensional surface, like a grain elevator or Jennifer Aniston’s
bustline. Given that, the best way to create a hologram is to start with a
three-dimensional object. (It’s a little like the classic line from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Great American Baseball Card Flipping,
Trading, and Bubble-Gum Book</i> that states the best way to create a large
cantaloupe is to start with a small cantaloupe and not a collection of
cantaloupe parts.) As we’ll see sometime in the next couple of weeks, the more
three-dimensional the object and the better the job of capturing that
three-dimensionality, the better the hologram.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In case you haven’t noticed, Babe Ruth is currently not
three-dimensional. He’s barely two-dimensional. Hence, your chances of getting
a hologramesque hologram of Babe Ruth are less than your chances of taking Kate
Upton to prom, even if you say please and buy her a wrist orchid.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Questionable compositional choices aside, there is also the
issue of expectations. The back of this Whitehall Collection card reads,
“Limited edition of 150,000.” Under what circumstances is an edition of 150,000
limited? When you expect to sell 150,001, obviously. But even at the height of
the fury in 1992, when this card was issued, it seems beyond unlikely that
there were 150,000 Babe Ruth, New York Yankees, or trading-card fanatics
fanatic enough to plunk down $5 or more for a chunk of aluminum foil
theoretically overlaid with a chunk of Babe Ruth’s ectoplasm.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And that, dear readers, is precisely what the Whitehall
Collection found out for itsownself.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_kFbGIKcfjU/UYA45ssCOEI/AAAAAAAAAnk/3CbUcI_NLbg/s1600/dipkin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_kFbGIKcfjU/UYA45ssCOEI/AAAAAAAAAnk/3CbUcI_NLbg/s320/dipkin.jpg" width="219" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Ah, and gone are the days when you could create a parody of
a baseball card and have a significant percentage of the populace get the joke.
I saw a picture of the Score Eric Fisher card created on draft night a couple
of days ago and immediately got the in-reference. It was meant to resemble a
Score Rated Rookie card from 1989, a time when there was someone actually
rating rookies and not merely slapping anonymized photos of first-round picks
on cardboard and saying, “Yep, we got everyone.”</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Times; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[3]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">
Certainly the College of Card Cardinals got the reference; I can hear them
banging their walkers on the floor in assent. But did the new generation, the
standard-bearers for the future generation of collectors, all three of them?
Did the media? (nysportsjournalism.com didn’t, that’s for darn sure.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">When SkyBox created a Willy “The Dupe” Dipkin card in 1994,
everyone got it. It was SkyBox using Matt “Simpsons” Groening to promote the
second series of SkyBox Simpsons cards and slam the 1989 Fleer Billy Ripken
card, the Card of a Million Variations (with obscenity, with modified
obscenity, with partially whited-out obscenity, with completely whited-out obscenity,
and please don’t make me remember the rest).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Groening nailed everything about the Ripken card that made
it a fad as well as an artist with Groening’s skills can nail anything that
doesn’t have a natural overbite. The pinstriped, rhombus-cut Dipkin card nails
the over-engineered-by-half ’89 Fleer look. The bat knob reads “Fish Face.” The
traumatized expression on Dipkin’s face mirrors that of the real junior Ripken,
the brother forever destined to live in the shadow of a legend.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As good as the front is, the back is even better. In
contrast to the so-called humorous trading cards foisted on a suffering
humanity through trading-card history (see a very early post in this blog for
the sordid details), the Dipkin card is spot-on satire. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-L8golNi4Xhw/UYA47DpIGPI/AAAAAAAAAns/OFmpJHzOy-0/s1600/dupe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-L8golNi4Xhw/UYA47DpIGPI/AAAAAAAAAns/OFmpJHzOy-0/s320/dupe.jpg" width="224" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The standard throws-and-bats line reads, “Bats Right, Throws
Up.” His stat line for home runs reads “.75 (reached third and pulled a
hamstring”). The back text summarizes his career highlights like so: “Willy
holds the league record for most errors committed in a single inning (17). His
only other claim to fame is this world-renowned ‘error’ card, in which Dipkin poses
unwittingly with the word ‘FISH FACE’ scrawled on the knob of his bat. The
spiky-haired culprit responsible for this foul misdeed has yet to be
apprehended. And the coup de grace is the “Do you really wanna know?” section,
which says: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Willy never really liked
playing baseball. His true ambition was to play the flute for the New Shelbyville
Philharmonic. Unfortunately, a spiky-haired culprit scrawled the word ‘FLUTE
FACE’ on the end of his instrument and Dipkin left the orchestra in a
frustrated rage in 1992.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Perfect. Spot on. And the Simpsons cards it promotes are
darn cool as well. (Come to think of it, there has never been a bad Simpsons
set.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">All this, and we’re only halfway through the nine-pocket
sheet. More good goodies next time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<br />
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;">
<div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[1]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: x-small;">
These movies have more in common than you might realize. Music, for one thing.
Couches, for another.</span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn2" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[2]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: x-small;"> Truth
was not an excuse in this case. By the way, did you notice whose name was on
the auction house that just sold a T206 Honus Wagner card for $2.1 million?
That would be Ken Goldin, the slimewad. He’s come a long way from telling Major
League Baseball to go forth and multiply itself.</span></div>
</div>
<div id="ftn3" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<div class="MsoFootnoteText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4860608592358698162#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn3;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[3]</span></span></span></span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: x-small;">
Full disclosure: We did our share of slapping and anonymizing way back when,
and some of the current slappers are friends of mine, and highly capable card
people. In fairness to them, if you want trading cards out on draft night or
shortly after, there’s not a lot of time to do anything but slap and go. (And
how embarrassing was it to get scooped by Tide? http://nysportsjournalism.squarespace.com/tide-awash-with-nfl-rookies-42/?SSScrollPosition=0)
Still, I’d have to imagine from a star-power-moving-cases standpoint it was a
particularly onerous task this year.</span></div>
</div>
</div>
Kit Kieferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06554571052867151147noreply@blogger.com1